I do not understand this concept.

This concept of "wipe paws". What does this mean? Why do my people feel the need to take a towel and grab my feet with it whenever I come in from outside? First of all, dirt is relative. (If you have dirty relatives, there's not much you can do about that.) Second of all, since dirt is relative, I think (since they are my paws,) that I should be the one to decide if I'm dirty. It isn't fair, really. And lastly, if I do decide they are dirty (which I never would because they never are) I would just lick them! And then lick my butt! And then apply loving doggie kisses to Brianna's face!

There are a lot of really great things about being a dog. If I were, say, a human, it would not be ok to sniff people's butts or lick their faces or jump up on them. But all of those things are perfectly appropriate for a dog and they're really fun! People just don't know what they're missing!

On the other hand, I've also been contemplating people noses. My people say I have a very large nose. Now, that may be true, and since it's so much bigger than theirs, I can obviously smell better than them. But what would one do with a tiny nose like theirs? How do they smell ANYTHING? I just don't get it.

Well, today I got in a lot of trouble.

You see, Mom and Brianna walked out of the room for five minutes and I just happened to smell something absolutely wonderful in the trash. It smelled wonderful. I'm not kidding. So, well, I took it out and took it into my box. I thought I could keep it a secret. But then Mom and Brianna came back out and Mom said "what has she got in her box?" and then started screaming and Brianna took it out and they both yelled at me and then washed all my bedding.

Seriously?! That huge of a reaction? What's the big deal? Can you think of a better use for a turkey carcass than to give it to me?!

THIS WAS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE!!!!!!!

I THINK THIS WAS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE!!!!!!!!!! It was something called a "holiday" but I don't know what that means.

They put me out on my lines a few times for a little while, and it was cold and snowy and wonderful out there! I don't know why, but my people have been cooking. All day. And there is a LOT of food! And they gave me some of it!!! They put squash in my food and Brianna let me lick off a greasy paper plate with sausage and I got MEAT!!!!! TURKEY MEAT!!!!!! And a lot of it, too! It was seriously the best day of my life. Especially because Kayley came over for awhile! And because there was FOOD!!!!!!!! THERE WAS FOOD!!!!!!!!!! LOTS AND LOTS AND LOTS OF FOOD!!!!!!

And so then after eating all that food, Mom and Dad and Brianna and Jared watched a movie about lots of ladies wearing a lot of funny hats and I slept on my pillow. It was seriously amazing.

Oh my, I'm sorry.

It's been awhile, hasn't it? I'm sorry I haven't been around! You see, something amazing is happening.

IT'S BEEN SNOWING!!!!!!!!!!

I LOVE SNOW!!!!!!!! I LOVE SNOW!!!!!!!!! I MEAN, I REALLY LOVE SNOW!!!!!!!!!! I gallumph through it and roll in it and chase snowballs when Brianna throws them for me and I eat it and I get it all over me!!!! I think it's one of my new most favorite things!!!!!!

The other day, Mom took me out to find a spot. She told Brianna "it's really good packing snow, you should make a snowman!" so Brianna went out and started playing in the snow. I stood at the kitchen window and barked because I WANTED TO PLAY, TOO!!!!!!! So Mom put me on my line and we played in the snow! And Brianna made 24 snowballs and bombarded Dad when he came home! It was really funny!

Anyway I LOVE WINTER!!!!!!!!!!! Mom says I MUST have Husky in me. IDK, I just know I LOVE THE SNOW!!!!!!!!! THE SNOW MAKES ME WRITE IN ALL-CAPS LIKE THIS BECAUSE I GET SO EXCITED AND I LOVE IT SO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!

Other than snow, I've been going to the dog park a lot and sleeping a lot. Also FOOD. Lots of food.

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?!?!

WHAT ON EARTH IS THIS THING CALLED A "SPA NIGHT"?!?!?!?! I HAVE NO IDEA BUT IT'S AWFUL!!!!!!

You see, I got really dirty yesterday. It was really wonderful. But my people were complaining I "smelled". Of course I smell, so do they! Everything smells, what are they possibly thinking?! They also would pat my rump and watch dust poof out. I don't understand what is so bad about that......

So tonight Brianna gave me a bath! Can you believe that?! But instead of that nasty vanilla oatmeal shampoo, she used DISH SOAP. APPLE SCENTED DISH SOAP. That is simply OUTRAGEOUS!!!!! I am not an apple scented dish, thank you very much!!!! I am a DOG. If you are going to bathe me, at least have the decency not to treat me like a dirty plate.

So she bathed me. And I was very wet. And so she tried to dry me off, but I was still wet. (I have this neat little trick I do just to annoy her. I shake off just as she's rubbing the soap in and doesn't close the shower curtain fast enough. That way I succeed in getting water and soap all over her clothing and glasses! And then I won't shake off again until after she lets me off the leash, so then I get the bathroom totally wet! It makes her so mad and makes me so proud!)

Anyway. She and Mom decided I was wet and it was too cold for me to be wet. So they shut the den doors and put me on my leash and got out this horrible thing!!! It's dark purple and you stick the end into the wall, and it has a thing you hold onto it by and another part that blows out hot air and it makes a HORRIBLE noise!!!! It's AWFUL!!! I FLIPPED out. I tried and tried to get away but Brianna just kept holding me down and Mom just kept aiming at my fur. It was WICKEDLY EVIL!!!!!!

WHEEEEEEEE THURSDAY!!!!!!!!!

TODAY WAS THUUUUUURSDAY!!!!!!!!!! AND BESIDES GOING AND PLAYING ALL DAY LONG, I GOT A NEW THINGUM!!!!!!!!!

You see, after I got home, Dad opened up this big box that smelled like Grandma and pulled out a bed! A doggie bed!! It's fuzzy and kind of small and I LOOOOVE IT!!!! (Dad says she got it for fifty cents at something called a "yard sale". I don't know what that is, or how much fifty cents is exactly, either, but I think it must be a lot of money and a very wonderful place.) And it sort of vaguely smells like another dog!!!! I reeeally reallly love it!!!!

That's me. On my dog bed. With my smashingly gorgeous collar. And the towel that they wipe my paws with. Isn't this just the most beautiful picture you've ever seen of the most adorable creature in the universe? Of course!

Today I was a puppybutt. HAH HAH HAH.

This morning I made a general nuisance of myself until Mom put me on my line. I knew it was out there because Dad went out into the side field and screwed it in earlier. So I was out there and I PULLED IT OUT OF THE GROUND!!!! HAHAHAHAH YES I REALLY DID, I GOT AWAY TWICE IN ONE WEEK!!!!!!!

However, I quickly got rather snarled in the woods. I have GOT to figure out how to not get the line tangled when I get it out of the ground. After awhile, Brianna showed up and started to untangle me. She was very angry at me and kept yelling that I was a bad dog and to stop walking in the wrong direction. Wrong direction? Is there such a thing when you're in the woods?

She finally got me out and then pushed her way out of the woods, where Mom grabbed my collar and unclipped the line. Then Brianna grabbed my collar and started trying to drag me towards the house. I sat on the ground and glared at her because I was quite angry. Really, unless I'm barking, there is no need to go gallivanting through the woods to find me. She finally just picked me up and carried me partway, then set me down again and grabbed my collar. They were both yelling at me that I was a bad dog. She kept dragging me but I refused to move, hah hah. And then she picked me up AGAIN and carried me inside. It was humiliating, actually, so I ran right into my box and hid. They left me in there for awhile, then Mom came and let me out. Brianna glared at me and kept telling me she was still mad at me. Then she went away.

Then I made MOM really mad by persistently jumping on her! Because I really wanted to go back out on my line! It was a lot of fun, but she was not happy. She yelled at me. Then Brianna got out the leash and I thought "OH SHE'S GOING TO TAKE ME OUT OH OH OH" but then she put the leash on me and started walking... The wrong way!!! Through the kitchen!!! Well, I knew what was going to happen. So I sat on the floor and glared at her and refused to move. Then Mom poked my butt and I had to move. So then I decided I had JUUUUST been intending to take a nap on my pillow in the living room! So I lied down and that made Mom and Brianna rather annoyed. She finally dragged me into the bathroom and shut the door and I KNEW I was in for it.

Yes. She gave me a bath. It was horrible, especially when she laughed at me for rolling around frantically on the bathroom rug trying to get that disgusting water stuff off me.

THEN she brushed me. That was ok. And everything was ok, only Mom and Brianna were still mad at me because I was supposedly "under their feet". (I do not understand this concept, the floor is under their feet.) Then Brianna got out this sort of kind of roundeshy box thing with an odd sort of stick coming out of it. It was very large and she made lots of noises with it! I was terrified so I barked at her and hid under the computer desk.

I was SOOOO HAPPY when Dad got home because he wasn't mad at me and he PLAYED with me!!!! And so everything was right in the world again. Until tonight when I was sleeping on my pillow in the den and I was rudely awakened to Brianna smearing flea treatment up my back!!! I HATE that, this means I won't be aloud to go to the dog park tomorrow or have ANY FUN AT ALL. Don't people GET it?! Apparently not. And they call ME a PUPPYBUTT. I would call THEM PEOPLEBUTTS if that made sense, which it does... Just not to anybody but me.

No 4H tonight!

Mom was super tired and so was Brianna, so we didn't go to 4H tonight! I slept instead! It was amazing! I LOVE SLEEEEEEP!!!!!!

Anyways, I don't know what to blog about anymore. Being a puppy gets old fast. I wish I was an old dog who people took seriously...... I just wish something really really interesting would happen around here........ Now THAT would be exciting..............

EMERLEH!!!!!

EMERLEH SHOWED UP TODAY!!!!!!! I LOVE SUNDAYS BECAUSE SHE KEEPS ON APPEARING ON THEM!!!!!!!!!!!! She and Brianna walked me four miles in the snow because I was hyperactive. And then I was exhausted and conked out. And then she LEFT. Can you BELIEVE that?! Emerleh LEFT. She LEFT ME?!?!?!?!

Oh well, at least maybe she'll show up again sometime soon..... But as a dog I have no patience. And I'm quite proud of that because being a dog is the highest calling someone can have (especially someone with four legs and fur).

TODAY!!!!!

Besides the fact that today I stayed in the car all day, it was really fun!!! Well, first of all, Mom got me up REALLY early. I mean, REALLLLY early. And then we got in the car. And when I got out I met ANOTHER DOG!!!!! I MET MAGGIE!!!!!! =D (I also found a spot. My people thought I was really smart to go right in the ditch.)

But I was cooped up in my crate all day. So that was sad. =( But I met Maggie, which was not sad! And I saw Leah! And it made me happy! And Dad took me to that place called "his office" and threw my tennis balls up and down the hallway!! =D

The dogs down the road

I love walks, but I hate having to walk by all these houses where there are other dogs. Brianna only ever walks me down the one way, never the other. (I think it's because she knows where all the dogs live on that road and she likes yelling at me not to bark at them.) There's a golden retriever next door at the apartment complex, and then down the road a little ways on the other side there's a brown dog that always barks and that Brianna and Emerleh say is pathetic. Right up from that is another brown dog. Then on the other side across from there are two (I think) little fluffy things (Emerleh calls them "footballs".) There's a black and white fluffy dog on the other side down a little ways, and then right up after that is the big house where Eeeeelaina is a juveenile deelinkwent and they have a lab or a golden retriever, I'm not sure which, maybe both. Across from that is a lady with two corgi mixes. Then down further is a little house with an invisible fence. They have a husky. It never barks, it just sits there in the lawn and stares us down whenever we walk by. It doesn't so much as move or make any noise at all, it just stares. It always looks very angry and Brianna accuses me of flipping out. Then all the way down at the end of the road where it turns is a trailer with a barn and I can frequently hear big dogs barking but I've never seen them.

The whole thing wouldn't bother me so much if Brianna would only let me make friends and play with them! But she just pulls on my leash and tells me to stop barking and come on! How not fair is that?! She's trying to stop me on my life goal to become everyone in the world's best friend!!! And deterring someone on their life mission is not a nice thing to do.