Oh my goodness, it's spring!

It's spring! I'm so excited! Mostly all the snow has melted and that means... MUUDD!!! I LOVE MUD. I ABSOLUTELY ADORE MUD. Because you know what mud means? THE DOG PARK. The dog park is a mud pit right now.... And I know it very well. I've been three times in the last couple weeks. And I've gotten three baths. Can you believe that? That's the thing about mud, you need baths with it. And I've also been shedding a lot, because spring means it's shedding season. I don't mind, but Mom and Brianna do a lot of vacuuming and Dad is always picking clumps of hair off things.

I'm sorry about not wogging... and I realized that if I actually wogged more I could have a really nice wog. But I just don't feel like wogging when nothing interesting happens to me anymore. I mean, really, lately the only interesting things around are robins (there are flocks of them that Brianna won't let me bark at) and the dog park, swamp-spattered and elusive though it may be.

Life has gotten into such a dull routine, I'm bored. It's the same every day. We all got lazy over the winter. And I gained weight!! Brianna picked me up and stood me on the scale the other day. I'm 52 pounds!! I gained eight pounds over the winter!! Does this make fat? Oh dear, do I need to go on a diet? Because I sure as heck don't want to go on a diet. I LOVE CHEESE. AND I LOVE PEANUT BUTTER. AND I LOVE MEAT. I'M A DOG, I LIVE FOR FOOD. Mom says I still have a lovely, sfelt (sfelt? Is that the word?) figure, but I'm getting a little nervous... I don't want to be a pudgy dog. But she also says I'll burn it all off at the dog park. So I guess I'm ok.

I just wish something interesting would happen. Something really, really, really interesting. Hmm. What would make life more interesting? I know! I wish we had another dog! But that's not going to happen. Now Mom cries over dog stories, but she still says she doesn't want another. What an insult to my race... Anyway, another dog to play with would make life interesting. But you know what else would be interesting? An escape. I haven't escaped since February, and that was lots of fun. I should do that again.

My Christmas List!

Here is my Christmas list! It's kind of long... I am a very deprived puppy. And hey, Brianna put a diamond ring (or something like that) on her list, so why can't I put whatever I want on my list?

• Pink tennis balls! Green gets really boring.
• A big fluffy dog bed, like a really big one that's really fluffy. Not that I need another one...
• A RABBIT!!!
• A SQUIRREL!!!
• A DEER!!!
• A CAT!!!
• A BIRD!!!!!
• THE CHANCE TO RUN THROUGH THE WOOD FOREVER!!!!!!
• A buddy. Like, a four-legged furry one that barks and lives with me.
• A bright pink bandanna to match my bright pink collar. (well, Brianna wants to get me one of those, anyway.)
• FOOD. ALL THE FOOD. PEOPLE FOOD.
• Peanutbutter.
• Bacon cheese strips!!!
• A new stuffed rabbit. Mine met a disturbing end. I shall write about that later....
• A SQUEEEEEKY THING!!!!
• SQUEEKY TENNIS BALLS
• A redhead. To live with me. I miss them. =(
• A new leash! A pretty leash! A stylish leash!
• A sweater. (actually, I don't want one of those. My people are just threatening to buy me one for really cold days.)
• Rope toys! Preferably the preferable ones!
• License to jump on people.
• To be allowed to go through the garbage.
• Unlimited time at the dog park.
• Rawhide.
• To bark at things whenever I want. (My people are complaining I'm becoming too "barky". Stupid idea, barking is fun! Maybe I just get tired of not saying anything!)
• Those chewy bone thingies Mom bought me once. But only once. And they were really delicious.
• No more baths. Ever.
• Love. Lots and lots of love. <3

That's all I can think of right now! If I remember anything else, I shall add it. Now I'm off to go bark at nothing in particular.

I AM CRANKY.

I AM VERY CRANKY TODAY. I ran around barking and whining all afternoon because I felt like it. I am disgusted with these people, who are also very cranky. I had to be in my crate almost all afternoon because Mom and Brianna wanted to read a book. READ A BOOK. Seriously, does that make any sense at all?! Why would they want to read a book when they could be paying attention to me?! I'm upset. They call it "school" and Mom says I am going to be "a well educated dog". ICK. People have such stupid ideas. (At least Mom finally promised me that she wouldn't take me back to the pound.)

Then Brianna put on this big fuzzy brown thing that looked like a blanket. Mom called it a "bathrobe". I didn't like it. I barked and barked at her and tried to bite her until she took it off. And then I was fine again. I don't know why, I didn't like it. It made her look big and scary. She was mad at me because I ran around whining for like, half an hour, like I needed to go out, and then she took me out and I wandered around in circles for another fifteen minutes.

It doesn't help that after I started chasing my tail (that was right before they decided I needed to go into my crate) they started calling me Puppybutt. WHAT KIND OF A NAME IS THAT?! People are so stupid!!!!! Why do I bother with them?! I could have a glorious life out there, chasing rabbits all day. I could catch a seagull. I could eat bugs. I could do whatever I wanted, all day, every day! No more crate, no more baths, no more flea treatments or weird green things they stick in cheese to taint it, thinking that'll get me to eat it. No more getting yelled at for begging or jumping on the window or getting into the garbage or drinking out of the toilet.

I guess if I did run away and never come back, I wouldn't have a home, though. I guess I wouldn't get bacon cheese strips anymore, or even kibble... And nobody would rub my tummy... Or take me to the dog park... Or throw my tennis balls... Or play tug-of-war with me...

UGGGGG. I HATE MY LIFE RIGHT NOW!!!!!!! MAYBE I SHOULD GO BACK TO THE POUND!!!!!!!!

I'm sad.

Last night I got laughed at because I was chasing my tail... Supposedly it was hilarious. I did not think so. It was not hilarious, I was upset. I kept seeing it move and I wanted it to stop but it wouldn't stop!! And even when I caught it it still moved and then it kept getting away and I was sliding around in circles on the kitchen floor trying to catch it. I was very perturbed. That was when Dad decided it would be a good idea to throw my tennis balls.

Today I was very bored. I slept all morning because I like sleeping in the morning. Brianna played with me and took me for a walk. Then she and Mom decided to read a book. They put out a rug for me on the living room floor but I didn't feel like sitting, so I wandered around the house and they got upset at me and put me in my crate so they could read their book. I felt sad. Maybe they don't love me as much as they love their book. I mean, they did smear peanut butter on my bone and gave it to me in my box, but maybe they don't like me. What if they take me back to the pound? Mom threatens sometimes, but would she really?? I'm scared.

I want to go chase a rabbit.