Something's afoot.

Although if it happened to be multiple somethings, would that mean that somethings were afeet? Anyways, I know what's going on. It's almost Christmas. I know it's almost Christmas because it's been cold and snowy and Brianna's playing Christmas music. I also know that my Mom brought home a bag that simply reeked of tennis balls the other day, and they won't give any of them to me. I also know that my people took me on a walk where everything smelled very interesting and Dad lied down on the ground and knocked over a big tree and now that tree is standing in the living room. I'm contemplating drinking the water that it's standing in. There's also a lot of that crinkly paper laying about, and lots of lights strung up.

But you know what REALLY tells me it's Christmas? The food. There's so much food happening. Brianna's been using food like crazy. She stirs things up in bowls and pans and puts them in the big black box in the kitchen that's hot. She and Mom always tell me to get away because it's hot. Actually, she's been telling me to get away from her cooking a lot lately, although I'm not quite sure why... She could at least share some.

Mom was out today, and Brianna was cooking again. I was standing there, looking at her. She had just dropped a cookie on the floor, and I was hoping for another one, but she told me I'd gotten my treat and to go away, so I lied down next to the sink. She was washing dishes and the big metal bowl she mixes up stuff in but that looks a lot like a really large dog dish was sitting on the edge of the counter. It was empty, and she'd just finished putting the stuff in it on the big flat metal things. There wasn't much room on the counter, I guess, because of all the big flat metal things she had out. I'm not sure what was happening, because I was asleep, but I woke up when the very large dog dish bowl fell of the counter on top of my head. I ran away and hid in my box until Dad got home, even though she apologized profusely for it falling on me. I'm just confused.

Guess what?

Guess what I did today!! I went to the dog park! I ran and chased the ball and played with all my friends and made some new ones. They got a new water spout there and now there's actually stuff to drink, it's amazing.

And then we got home and THERE WAS A CAT IN THE YARD. THERE WAS THIS CAT IN THE YARD and Brianna opened up the car and I saw the cat and I barked and barked and barked and then Mom opened the door and grabbed my leash but I pulled the leash out of her hands and ran after the cat and they yelled and yelled and i lost track of the cat but I kept running around in circles in the yard anyway because it was fun! And then Brianna had a squeaky toy and called and squeaked the squeaky toy and I guess I fell for it (or maybe I'm just a good dog, but I guess we'll never know) so I ran over and she grabbed my leash and then gave me the squeaky toy.

My people had chicken for dinner.... Mmmm, chicken.... Dad put some chicken juice on my food and it was tasty but I wanted more chicken. I always want more chicken. So I tried to eat chicken bones out of the garbage. It might have gone better if Mom hadn't been standing right next to me. She bopped my nose and I slunk off, feeling rather sheepish. I suppose I should have been more sneaky. But I just wanted that chicken!

The Party!

There was a party here on Saturday! Like I said, there was a party! It was a big party. It wasn't the crazy kind of party, though. It was the family kind of party. There was Mom and Dad and Jared and Brianna and Rory and Kayley and Grandma and Aunt Denny and Keith and Dorothy! And me! I was the only dog, although Denny and Grandma always smell like another dog.... I really, really, really like Aunt Denny. Last time she was over, Dad scolded her for feeding me cookies under the table. I don't know why, I really liked it.....

I spent most the day on my line, which was ok, because everyone else spent it on the porch. They had all this delicious food. It was a picnic party, you see. I guess it was some kind of holiday. And they even put bacon grease on my dog food!! (BEST DOG FOOD EVER!!) Even Grandma gave me bits of cookie!

I heard everyone talking after they were done eating. I was still on my line. Brianna said to Denny "where are you going?" and she said "to pet the dog" and Rory said "why do you have a hot dog in your hand?" and Denny said "oh, it's just my hot dog, I'm going to eat it" and then Brianna scolded her and I'm not sure why but DENNY GAVE ME THE HOT DOG!!! THE WHOLE HOT DOG!!!!! Do you see why I just LOVE Denny?? But why was she lying? When she came back up on the porch, she announced to all and sundry that she had dropped her hotdog. Keith said "did it hit the ground?" and she said "nope". Boy but that hot dog was tasty. On the other hand, do you suppose eating hot dogs is wrong? Is that cannibalistic of me? I'm not sure I care...

But then I didn't have much fun after that. You see, Jared and Keith and Brianna and Rory stood in the driveway and they threw these things into the driveway and they would blow up! They shot off all this smoke and made this huge noise. I wanted to bark, but I ran and hid in the bushes on the side of the front yard. It was so scary, when Brianna came out with a leash to bring me in, I wouldn't come out of the bushes until she picked up my stick and held it out. Then she gave me a hug and I was scared and shaking all over and I didn't want to go near the big noise but she took me inside anyway and I hid under the desk. But then after Dad sat on the floor with me for awhile and then put me in my box where I was safe, I was ok.

Other than that, the day was amazing! OH BUT I JUST LOVE EVERYONE AND I LOVE SUMMER AND I LOVE THE WHOLE WORLD!!!!!!

Do you ever wonder why people don't have tails?

Well, I knew something was afoot (what a strange word, why would you only have one foot?) this morning when Dad was home this morning. And then he and Mom left, and Brianna got out the thingy that makes all the noise that you run back and forth over the floor -- that's it, the vacuum, that's what it's called. And she put me in my box and vacuumed the entire house. Like, the whole thing. And besides disrupting my midmorning nap, I went to all that work making the floors nice. It took me two weeks to get all those clumps of hair everywhere! In fact, in the den it was so lovely that the entire carpet looked heathered. It was absolutely stunning, but she just HAD to go and CLEAN. Oh well, I always lose hair, so I'll always decorate the house....

And then I chewed on my favorite tennis ball all afternoon. Since it's my favorite, I pulled most of the fabric part off of it. It was tasty. Then I went out on my line and Dad made a lot of noise in the driveway and the next thing I knew he was sitting on this weird thing with two round wheel things and it was taking him down the driveway! I barked! And barked! And then he came back and I was confused.

Mom cooked hamburgers today. She wanted to give me one, but Dad and Brianna wouldn't let me have one. After dinner, the unthinkable happened. Dad put me on my walking collar and leash and took me for a walk. But then when we got inside he didn't take off the leash. He took of my pink collar, the one around my neck. I knew I was done for. I have maintained my dirty state for so long. Such a comforting place to be...

Brianna said "Carly, it's your night! You lucky dog!" and I knew at that moment that she was a terrible, terrible liar, so I ran into my box. She picked up the leash and a bag of treats and we went down to the bathroom. I tried to lie down on my pillow on the way, but she wouldn't let me. And I even gave Dad a really cute, sad look and rubbed my nose on his legs, but he wouldn't let me go, either! So I got a bath. At least Brianna gave me lots of treats. But then I came out and Dad had taken out my nice hair-encrusted rug and put in a clean blanket. I don't know how to feel about that. And now I'm clean. I don't know if I like being clean. I'm also quite undecided on how I feel about being clean.

They said I had to be clean for tomorrow. But I'm not sure what tomorrow is. Mom says it's a party. But what kind of party? And why? And I'm really excited at this idea. I love parties!

BEST. WEEKEND. EVER.

THIS WAS THE BEST. WEEKEND. EVER. OH MY GOODNESS YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENED?!?!?! BRIANNA HAD A PARTY.

I love parties! I love parties so much! She had Sarah and Leah and Emerleh and Eeeeeelaina over and they didn't play with me much but they took me on a WALK. And you know why the walk was exciting? It was NIGHT. You know what else? Rory was here! I just love everyone.

You know what else? People don't think I know what's going on, but ohhh.... When you have five teenage girls hanging around, you know what happens? They talk. In fact, nothing short of an explosion can get them to shut up. And even then that doesn't work. They talk and talk and talk and since I'm a dog, I don't talk. And you know what that means? That means I listen.

Oh, but I listen. I listen to all their secrets. I listen when I'm in bed and they sit in the kitchen keeping me up. I listen when I'm out on my line and they won't shut up and you can hear them out the window. I listen when they walk me and talk and talk and talk while half of them run backwards. That's how much girls talk. They talk so much that once everyone's gone home Brianna calls Eeeeeelaina up and the two of them talk for two more hours about everything everyone has already talked about. Sometimes it gets tiring, honestly.

The most common thing they talk about is boys. Boys! Of all the things to talk about, they talk about boys?! What is wrong with that?! They could throw a tennis ball around or chase rabbits or even chew on things but they talk about BOYS?! What do boys even matter? They're just like girls only smellier and they eat less and talk less. (Girls eat so much food, there's always food hanging about and they never give me any of it.) Boys talk much less. I don't even really know any teenage boys. But they're sure not worth talking about for more than a few minutes.

But I suppose maybe.... Never mind, just thinking about Sammy and Judah, sorry. It's so conflicting, this whole boy thing.

Mmmm I'm a wonderful dog.

Well, my people always say I'm a wonderful dog... But anyway, that's neither here nor there nor anywhere nor a squirrel. But this time I know I'm a wonderful dog. You know why? Because we had people over here yesterday evening. And guess what! I was a good dog! I only jumped on two people and then when everybody sat down I just lied right down in the middle of the floor and only sniffed at a few people's ice cream. I was such a good dog. All my people said so.

I guess I'm not much of a puppy anymore, am I?

Oh my goodness, it's spring!

It's spring! I'm so excited! Mostly all the snow has melted and that means... MUUDD!!! I LOVE MUD. I ABSOLUTELY ADORE MUD. Because you know what mud means? THE DOG PARK. The dog park is a mud pit right now.... And I know it very well. I've been three times in the last couple weeks. And I've gotten three baths. Can you believe that? That's the thing about mud, you need baths with it. And I've also been shedding a lot, because spring means it's shedding season. I don't mind, but Mom and Brianna do a lot of vacuuming and Dad is always picking clumps of hair off things.

I'm sorry about not wogging... and I realized that if I actually wogged more I could have a really nice wog. But I just don't feel like wogging when nothing interesting happens to me anymore. I mean, really, lately the only interesting things around are robins (there are flocks of them that Brianna won't let me bark at) and the dog park, swamp-spattered and elusive though it may be.

Life has gotten into such a dull routine, I'm bored. It's the same every day. We all got lazy over the winter. And I gained weight!! Brianna picked me up and stood me on the scale the other day. I'm 52 pounds!! I gained eight pounds over the winter!! Does this make fat? Oh dear, do I need to go on a diet? Because I sure as heck don't want to go on a diet. I LOVE CHEESE. AND I LOVE PEANUT BUTTER. AND I LOVE MEAT. I'M A DOG, I LIVE FOR FOOD. Mom says I still have a lovely, sfelt (sfelt? Is that the word?) figure, but I'm getting a little nervous... I don't want to be a pudgy dog. But she also says I'll burn it all off at the dog park. So I guess I'm ok.

I just wish something interesting would happen. Something really, really, really interesting. Hmm. What would make life more interesting? I know! I wish we had another dog! But that's not going to happen. Now Mom cries over dog stories, but she still says she doesn't want another. What an insult to my race... Anyway, another dog to play with would make life interesting. But you know what else would be interesting? An escape. I haven't escaped since February, and that was lots of fun. I should do that again.

Oh dear. Oh dear.

OH DEER!!!! CAN I CHASE ONE NOW?!?!?! No?! Then why did you bring it up?! Oh wait... I brought it up. DEER!!!!! I LOVE DEER!!!!!!

Getting back to the point... Did I have a point? I haven't posted in so long I've forgotten how! Well, it's been very busy around here with these "holiday" things. I guess the most important thing to tell you is that I GOT A TON OF TREATS AND THERE HAVE BEEN KAYLEES AND REDHEADS AND EMERLEHS AND LEAHS RUNNING RAMPANT AND THE HOUSE GOT CLEANED AND THERE WAS A TREE (a tree??) SET UP IN THE LIVING ROOOM (we went out and tromped through mud and chopped it down and then they stuck it in the living room?) AND THERE WAS LOTS OF FOOD AND THAT FURRY JINGLY THING MOM GOT ME?! WELL IT WAS STUFFED WITH TREATS AND SQUEAKY THINGS!!!!!! I guess... Hmm. Well, I guess I'll just post some pictures! I love pictures!

Yes. She seriously put a bow on me. Thank goodness she forgot about the reindeer costume!!!

Nobody will admit to doing this.

So here's a rather late Merry Christmas to you! Oh, and a Happy New Year, too, whatever that means. All I know about the New Year is that that's when Emerleh and Eeeeelaina showed up and we went down to the dog park but it was really dark and there were no other dogs there and they started whooping and hollering "happy New Year". It really made no sense, even after thinking about for a couple days? Can anybody enlighten me?

MERREH CHRISTMAS!!! HAPPEH NEW YEAARR!!!!!

Well, today I got in a lot of trouble.

You see, Mom and Brianna walked out of the room for five minutes and I just happened to smell something absolutely wonderful in the trash. It smelled wonderful. I'm not kidding. So, well, I took it out and took it into my box. I thought I could keep it a secret. But then Mom and Brianna came back out and Mom said "what has she got in her box?" and then started screaming and Brianna took it out and they both yelled at me and then washed all my bedding.

Seriously?! That huge of a reaction? What's the big deal? Can you think of a better use for a turkey carcass than to give it to me?!

THIS WAS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE!!!!!!!

I THINK THIS WAS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE!!!!!!!!!! It was something called a "holiday" but I don't know what that means.

They put me out on my lines a few times for a little while, and it was cold and snowy and wonderful out there! I don't know why, but my people have been cooking. All day. And there is a LOT of food! And they gave me some of it!!! They put squash in my food and Brianna let me lick off a greasy paper plate with sausage and I got MEAT!!!!! TURKEY MEAT!!!!!! And a lot of it, too! It was seriously the best day of my life. Especially because Kayley came over for awhile! And because there was FOOD!!!!!!!! THERE WAS FOOD!!!!!!!!!! LOTS AND LOTS AND LOTS OF FOOD!!!!!!

And so then after eating all that food, Mom and Dad and Brianna and Jared watched a movie about lots of ladies wearing a lot of funny hats and I slept on my pillow. It was seriously amazing.

THURSDAYS ARE LIKE TENNIS BALLS!!!!

They never stop moving! And they make me bounce and gallumph! And I can never catch them! And they ALWAYS COME BACK AROUND SOONER OR LATER!!!!! AND I LOVE THEM!!!!!!!!!!!

TODAY I WENT CRAZY AND GOT DIRTY AND PLAYED A LOT!!!!!!!!!!! AND IT JUST MAKES ME WANT THURSDAYS TO COME EVERY DAY SO I CAN GO CRAZY AND GET DIRTY AND PLAY A LOT!!!!!!!! AND IT MAKES ME HAPPY!!!!!!!!!! SO YES!!!!!!!!!! I LOVE THURSDAYS!!!!!!!!!!!

PLUS TONIGHT FOR DINNER DAD PUT GRAVY ON MY DINNER!!!!!!!!!!! IT WAS DELICIOUS!!!!!!!!! I love how my people always spoil me on Thursdays!!!!! I'm SURE it MUST be my favorite day of the week!!!!!!

Dad

I love Dad. I mean, I really love Dad. I love Brianna and Mom and all my other people, but I really love Dad. I won't say I love him the best, but I sort of do sometimes... He sits on the floor with me and plays with me when he gets home from work at night. He plays tug-of-war with me. He throws my balls and ropes for me. And he doesn't yell at me when I jump on him, so I jump on him all the time. He also puts people food in my bowl more than Mom and Brianna. And he lets me pull on my leash and snurf as much as I want. I just really love Dad.

Maybe it was because he was the one that picked me up and shoved me into the crate in the back of the car when they brought me home. Or maybe it's cause he's gone all day and "absence makes the heart grow fonder". But all I know is I've loved him ever since he first walked into my kennel at the pound and sat on the floor with me. That was a long time ago, too.

So exciting!

Emerleh and Brianna took me to the dog park today! I played for like, half an hour, which was really stupid, 'cause it should've been like, four times that. And then they took me for a good long walk and put me in the car while they went to something called a "picnic". I don't know what that is, all I know is that there were lots of people and people food and they wouldn't let me have any, but I said hi to a couple people and they loved me! Especially this one lady who was really nice and smelled like dogs and was really friendly and called Brianna "honey". (Makes me wonder how she knows her... But if somebody tried to explain it to me, I don't know if I'd get it, because it's probably some weird people association or something.)

But the BEST part of today, the BEST BEST BEST part was when Brianna was walking me and talking to people and one lady asked "is this THEE eleven-dollar dog?" I was SO HAPPY!!!! This lady has been reading my wog!!! I'm not sure how she found out about it (also what Brianna said) but my life has been made worthwhile. (As long as Mom and Dad and Brianna don't find out I'm a wogger, I'll be ok. If they find out, I think I might be in trouble for being so smart.)

So I am a KNOWN WOGGER!!!! HOORAY!!!!!!!!

I AM CRANKY.

I AM VERY CRANKY TODAY. I ran around barking and whining all afternoon because I felt like it. I am disgusted with these people, who are also very cranky. I had to be in my crate almost all afternoon because Mom and Brianna wanted to read a book. READ A BOOK. Seriously, does that make any sense at all?! Why would they want to read a book when they could be paying attention to me?! I'm upset. They call it "school" and Mom says I am going to be "a well educated dog". ICK. People have such stupid ideas. (At least Mom finally promised me that she wouldn't take me back to the pound.)

Then Brianna put on this big fuzzy brown thing that looked like a blanket. Mom called it a "bathrobe". I didn't like it. I barked and barked at her and tried to bite her until she took it off. And then I was fine again. I don't know why, I didn't like it. It made her look big and scary. She was mad at me because I ran around whining for like, half an hour, like I needed to go out, and then she took me out and I wandered around in circles for another fifteen minutes.

It doesn't help that after I started chasing my tail (that was right before they decided I needed to go into my crate) they started calling me Puppybutt. WHAT KIND OF A NAME IS THAT?! People are so stupid!!!!! Why do I bother with them?! I could have a glorious life out there, chasing rabbits all day. I could catch a seagull. I could eat bugs. I could do whatever I wanted, all day, every day! No more crate, no more baths, no more flea treatments or weird green things they stick in cheese to taint it, thinking that'll get me to eat it. No more getting yelled at for begging or jumping on the window or getting into the garbage or drinking out of the toilet.

I guess if I did run away and never come back, I wouldn't have a home, though. I guess I wouldn't get bacon cheese strips anymore, or even kibble... And nobody would rub my tummy... Or take me to the dog park... Or throw my tennis balls... Or play tug-of-war with me...

UGGGGG. I HATE MY LIFE RIGHT NOW!!!!!!! MAYBE I SHOULD GO BACK TO THE POUND!!!!!!!!

I think I know what it's like to love.

Today was doggie daycare! And after sitting here thinking for a long time, I figured something out. So here's what I figured out. 

I love being in the center of the pack. I love being the alpha dog. I love leading. I love it. I love running with other dogs. I love being a dog. I love being a popular dog. I love getting walks. I love it. Did I mention that I love loving things??

I love being loved. I love it when Brianna scratches my ears and gives me tummy rubs. I love it when Mom and Dad scratch my ears and give me tummy rubs. I love my tennis balls and I love it when people throw them. I love playing tug-of-war. I love it when I get bacon cheese strips. And peanutbutter. And cheese. And even just milkbones. And I love chewing rawhide and I love chewing my bones and I just love chewing.

I love chasing bugs. I love chasing rabbits. I love chasing cars. I love chasing tennis balls. I love chasing Brianna. I love chasing frogs and toads. I love chasing my tail. 

I love doggie day care. I love the park. I love playing in the park and playing at doggie day care. I love playing with dog friends. I love people friends. I love playing with people friends, like Eeeelaina and Sarah and Emerleh and Rachel. (I love redheads, too, actually. I just think they're weird.) I love coming home from a long day of playing with friends and always having Brianna and Mom and Dad to pet me and love me.

I love it when I get people food in my kibble. I love it when my people play with me. I love it when they tell me they love me and that I'm a silly dog. I love it when they take out my tennis balls and ropes and play with me. I love it when they give me a rawhide or a bone or even an ice cube. I love having people who love me. I love having a home. I love being loved. 

I love knowing that if I ever run away into the woods again, they'll still be there, calling my name. I love knowing that even if they give me baths they still love me. I love being their dog. I love them being my people. I love it when they take me for walks. I love it when Mom and Brianna come into doggie daycare to pick me up and I'm just soooo happy to see them!!! I love how my people never forget me.

I love how I don't need Captain or Deuce to make me happy. I love how I can be single. I love how I can be independent and I don't need to live for anyone else. I love being single. Relationships are often disastrous.

I love wogging. I love emailing with Sammy. I love checking my wog and seeing if anyone has read it. I love writing new posts, even though typing with paws is really hard.

I love being happy. I love being a dog.

HIHIHIHIHEEEYY!!!!!!!

HI! HI HI HI HI HI HEY HI THERE HELLO! HI!!!
I'M SO HAPPY TO MEET YOU! Can I lick your face? Too soon? OK...
My name is Sammy, AND I'M SO HAPPY TO MEET YOU! I WISH I COULD JUST MEET PEOPLE ALL THE TIME! IT'S JUST SUCH A GREAT FEELING!

Oh my gosh... was that a squirrel?  HEY YOU SQUIRREL!

Oh, who are you? HI! HELLO HEYA- oh wait, we already did this!
Layna says I'm ADD, but I don't know what that is... it seems a tad extreme.

I love Layna, I love her the most right now. see, she gives me dry dog food ALL the time, and the other dog who lives in our house ALWAYS gets the yummy wet stuff... it smells so good... Layna never lets me taste Pippin's (the other dog) yummy food. All I want is a taste!
but today she gave a WHOLE CAN! After she said something to her mother about "running outa Sammy's food," but it was ALL MINE! She's the best person EVER!
But she is continuously trying to steal my new toy! And she laughs when I try to pull it out of her hands, (I usually win though,) I've had to start sleeping with it in my mouth. I'm worried if I don't, she'll take it away for good! I love it so much, it smells like dirty laundry, and Layna.

I love Layna, she's the best person EVER!

I hope she doesn't mind I'm using her account to write this blog, she wont. I really DIDN'T mean to change the name to Sammy, buuuuttt........ I don't think she'll mind, she says I'm her most favorite dog in the world! I got the idea to blog when I started reading this other dog's blog, her name is Carly. She's so smart and thoughtful... So I emailed her, and told her how inspiring she is, she said she was flattered! so I told her of my dreams of being a "wogger" myself, but i didn't quite know where to begin. So she invited me to write a post on her blog some times! SHE'S JUST SO COOL!
I wonder if she chases cats, and if she will sign my petition to have all cats covered in bacon and melted cheddar cheese slices that fell in the dirt. Mmmmmmmmm...... i get this tingly feeling just thinking about it....
It's funny how she talks about Brianna's red head friends, Layna's a red head...