BEST. WEEKEND. EVER.

THIS WAS THE BEST. WEEKEND. EVER. OH MY GOODNESS YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENED?!?!?! BRIANNA HAD A PARTY.

I love parties! I love parties so much! She had Sarah and Leah and Emerleh and Eeeeeelaina over and they didn't play with me much but they took me on a WALK. And you know why the walk was exciting? It was NIGHT. You know what else? Rory was here! I just love everyone.

You know what else? People don't think I know what's going on, but ohhh.... When you have five teenage girls hanging around, you know what happens? They talk. In fact, nothing short of an explosion can get them to shut up. And even then that doesn't work. They talk and talk and talk and since I'm a dog, I don't talk. And you know what that means? That means I listen.

Oh, but I listen. I listen to all their secrets. I listen when I'm in bed and they sit in the kitchen keeping me up. I listen when I'm out on my line and they won't shut up and you can hear them out the window. I listen when they walk me and talk and talk and talk while half of them run backwards. That's how much girls talk. They talk so much that once everyone's gone home Brianna calls Eeeeeelaina up and the two of them talk for two more hours about everything everyone has already talked about. Sometimes it gets tiring, honestly.

The most common thing they talk about is boys. Boys! Of all the things to talk about, they talk about boys?! What is wrong with that?! They could throw a tennis ball around or chase rabbits or even chew on things but they talk about BOYS?! What do boys even matter? They're just like girls only smellier and they eat less and talk less. (Girls eat so much food, there's always food hanging about and they never give me any of it.) Boys talk much less. I don't even really know any teenage boys. But they're sure not worth talking about for more than a few minutes.

But I suppose maybe.... Never mind, just thinking about Sammy and Judah, sorry. It's so conflicting, this whole boy thing.

Pants smell amazing.

I'm really quite an awful wogger, aren't I? I'm sorry, May is a crazy month. I expect to be wogging more now that it's almost summer, though. Isn't that a cheerful thought? Summer is always a cheerful thought... Dog parks... Long walks... Bugs to chase.... FROGS to chase.... Rabbits to chase.... Friends coming over.... Mmmmm, maybe Mom will even give me ice cream again! That would be wonderful, wouldn't it?

Well, I never told you what happened with the puff ball, did I? She was here for two weeks. On the last day, we both lost our tempers and had to go in our boxes. Then she and I were in our crates in the car and my people got her out but not me and then they took her someplace and a lady got her and then took her inside a house and she was gone! It was actually nice.... I was pretty frustrated with her not wanting to play. So that was that.....

Last week was crazy -- my people had picnics and parties and then this thing called a ball. and I said A BALL?!?!?! YOU'RE GOING TO A BALL AND NOT BRINGING ME?!?!?! HOW CAN YOU GO TO A BALL?!?! YOU PLAY WITH BALLS, YOU DON'T GO TO THEM!!!!! I mean, you can drive to the dog park to get a ball, but why would you do that?! And why did they go without me?! I'm still not understanding the concept.

All week, Brianna had this shiny cloth stuff and she had Emerleh over, and Emerleh's mom and older sister and they all cut pieces out of the shiny cloth and then they got out this scary white thing that sits on the table and Brianna sat at and stuck the shiny cloth into and then it went "WRRH WRRH WRRH" and made big scary noises and I don't know what happened then because I always ran and hid in my box. She did this like, all week. And then whenever she got the shiny cloth and I tried to sniff it she'd yell at me that I was getting noseprints on it. Noseprints? What's wrong with noseprints? Their like fingerprints, only slightly nosier. And she shouldn't complain about my noseprints when her fingerprints are all over it!

So then she put on this outrageous thing -- it was huge and billowous and made of the same shiny fabric but I don't know how that could be! And she put it all on over this puffy thing and it was like clothing. And then she trounced off with Mom and Dad (and Dad shaved his beard off part way and it looked funny and Brianna just burst out into spontaneous laughter for two days every time she looked at him) and met up with Emerleh and Eeeeelaina and Rachel and Leah and Sarah and all her other friends and they did things -- and I don't know what, I just saw pictures of them all in the same sort of outfit.

And I still don't understand why it's called a ball. As far as I could see, whatever they did had NOTHING to do with tennis balls. Or soccer balls, or baseballs or footballs or any other sort of thing like that at all. Can somebody explain this to me?

I am so confused?

So there's this puffball, right? Well, it's still here. And I'm still not sure why. I'm quite annoyed today. She won't play! And when I try to play with her, she gets fed up with me and hauls off and yaps! And I don't understand why. And I'm supposedly being really annoying, but I don't get that. I am just so confused. I'm also extremely jealous because Katie is allowed to sit on people's laps and I'm not allowed on the furniture!!! What is wrong with this?! I WANT EQUAL RIGHTS. Not only that, but then the puffball has the audacity to sleep on my pillow! What is wrong with humanity?! Society is falling to ruin!!

This is me and the puffball on Brianna's rug. I'm contemplating chewing on her guitar case and sleeping on her clean laundry, but I doubt she'd appreciate it, even though destruction is the sincerest form of flattery. She should clean her room, anyway.

See? Isn't it weird? It's little. And really fluffy. And I don't understand it. I wish she'd just tell me what she's thinking, but she won't. I think maybe she's sad that her people haven't come to get her. Maybe? I don't know.

In other news, all the snow was all melted and it was nice and muddy and springy, but today it snowed. TODAY IT SNOWED. Can you believe that?! I don't know if I should be really happy or really annoyed. I'm so confused.

Oh, oh, oh, and you'll never guess what happened this weekend!! Eeeeelaina came over and so did Emerleh and then Eeeeeelaina stayed over and it was amazing!!! I LOVE REDHEADS OH MY GOODNESS and they also drank coffee (I don't get the point of this coffee stuff, but all my people consume it like crazy, it's gotten really bad lately, they keep drinking more and more of it) and Emerleh put her empty mug on the floor and I started to lick it, and then Brianna yelled at me.... It tasted good, but kind of funny. I'm also a little paranoid, is my tongue too big?

Speak?

Awhile back, Brianna stood in the kitchen with treats. I mean, the really good kind of treat. The meaty kind of treat. And she had the clicky thingie that she clicks when I did something right and she's going to give me a treat. (I kind of dropped out of dog club... Well, Brianna did. Supposedly because I was humiliating her, but I have no idea what she's talking about there. I think it was because she's had oodles (are oodles like poodles, only less fluffy?) of schoolwork to do, and a college math class with lots of homework. But that's my personal speculation.) Anyway. So she took that little box, you know the one I told you about a long time ago? She held it in one hand with the treat and clicky thing in the other, and then kept saying "speak!" and then she would push a button and it would bark.

I just looked at her. I knew she'd gone utterly crazy, finally. When it gets sunnier out, her hair gets more red. Therefore, she also gets crazier. She's just a little auburn, so she will never be a true redhead, for which I am sad. But redheads are a rare race and if you have one, you can consider yourself lucky. Anyhow, she kept making the box bark. I don't know what she was trying to accomplish. I finally got disgruntled enough that I yipped.

She clicked! I got the treat! She said "good speak!" and we kept doing this, over and over again, over the course of two days. I still don't understand why she wants me to bark, she scolds me for barking at the neighbors. But I guess this is different? So that is the story of how I learned to speak. Sit and Lie Down and Shake and High Five and Roll Over and Dance and Spin and Turn all have very boring explanations. So this is your interesting explanation of what it's like to be a dog. Whoever said "it's a dog's life" had absolutely no idea. NO idea. Absolutely NO idea.

NOT FAIR!!!!

IT'S NOT FAIR!!!!!! Brianna walks me almost every day. Sometimes I have to bother her until she walks me, but unless I go to daycare or the dog park, she walks me two miles a day. But it's NOT FAIR!!!! She won't let me play or even bark at all the other dogs down the road!!!! Can you believe that?! She yelled at me when the two Corgis at 135 and I tried to have a decent conversation! We didn't even get past the introduction! (I caught the one's name, he was called Charleston Shoe, but I couldn't catch the girl's name.) It's very upsetting. And that Husky and I never get anywhere because Brianna doesn't stop to let me chat. She just drags me along saying "no!" It's a terrible pity because I think we could be great friends, but noooo!

Oh, and the big black dog at the end of the road is always outside and always tells me to get away from his property. When I go to retort, Brianna tells me not to. Does she expect me to just take that lying down?! I don't think so! But what really galls me the most (hmm, gall. Is that like ball? No, being galled means you're angry, but when you have a ball, you're happy. The English language is so strange) is that when I try to let all my would-be buddies know that I'm outside, she tells me not to! I want them to know I'm here, if they don't know I'm out there then how will we ever get acquainted? The whole thing is just very annoying. Does anyone have any tips on how to get away with barking? Because lately my people think I've been doing too much of it.

Not that I am, of course. Do they really expect me just to not say anything all day every day, I'd like to know! Sometimes I just feel like having a civilized discussion. It's a pity the only language my people speak is human. Dog is the only language with any sort of distinction. Each breed has it's own sort of dialect, and then of course there are regional differences, and every individual dog has it's own way of phrasing things (like how redheads say "eh" instead of "ee", as in "puppeh", or how Brianna puts "bob" or "obob" onto the ends of words, as in "buddybob" or "doggieobob"). But all and all, it's a very refined way of talking, and people just don't understand.

I must echo a question from one of those inane musicals my people love so much. "Why can't the English learn to speak?" Or maybe it should be "Why can't the English learn to bark?" Only I don't think we're English. I'm not sure. So let's just leave it at "Why can't the people learn to bark?"

Church.

What is Church? My people leave me in my box every week the morning after Saturday to go to church. Now, I know church is about God. I love God! I like to sit on my line and look at the trees and the birds and the squirrels and the sky and bark to thank God for it, because it's just the best and He's the best! He made me furry so I'd stay warm in the winter, and he invented evaporational cooling so I'd stay cool in the summer. (That's just a peopley way of explaining why I like hanging my tongue out when I'm hot.) He made the birds and squirrels and deer and even cats (though sometimes I wonder why He thought this world needed cats. Eeeelaina would say I'm being racist, but who needs cats?!) and He made all the dirt for me to dig in and the water to play in and He even made my people who they are! Oh, and He made the redheads and people friends who THEY are, too! Why shouldn't I love Him and be thankful? He's the best! He gave me everything I need and more. He loves me even more than I love Him, and that's crazy! I mean, He doesn't give me tummy rubs or anything, but I know He loves me, and that's funny, because usually I need people to give me tummy rubs to make sure they love me.

So if I love God, and if God loves me, why don't they let me come to church? That's the place you go when you love God, right? So why can't I go?! It's frustrating! All I know about church is that it smells like food and people and floors and metal (I smelled Brianna's slippers, which are furry and look like small animals on her feet and she wears them to Church.) And it's upsetting me that I can't go, too!

It's not fair, I love God as much as all those people who go to church! So why can't I go?! Besides, I want to do everything my people do. It saddens me that they won't bring me with them.

Oh dear. Oh dear.

OH DEER!!!! CAN I CHASE ONE NOW?!?!?! No?! Then why did you bring it up?! Oh wait... I brought it up. DEER!!!!! I LOVE DEER!!!!!!

Getting back to the point... Did I have a point? I haven't posted in so long I've forgotten how! Well, it's been very busy around here with these "holiday" things. I guess the most important thing to tell you is that I GOT A TON OF TREATS AND THERE HAVE BEEN KAYLEES AND REDHEADS AND EMERLEHS AND LEAHS RUNNING RAMPANT AND THE HOUSE GOT CLEANED AND THERE WAS A TREE (a tree??) SET UP IN THE LIVING ROOOM (we went out and tromped through mud and chopped it down and then they stuck it in the living room?) AND THERE WAS LOTS OF FOOD AND THAT FURRY JINGLY THING MOM GOT ME?! WELL IT WAS STUFFED WITH TREATS AND SQUEAKY THINGS!!!!!! I guess... Hmm. Well, I guess I'll just post some pictures! I love pictures!

Yes. She seriously put a bow on me. Thank goodness she forgot about the reindeer costume!!!

Nobody will admit to doing this.

So here's a rather late Merry Christmas to you! Oh, and a Happy New Year, too, whatever that means. All I know about the New Year is that that's when Emerleh and Eeeeelaina showed up and we went down to the dog park but it was really dark and there were no other dogs there and they started whooping and hollering "happy New Year". It really made no sense, even after thinking about for a couple days? Can anybody enlighten me?

MERREH CHRISTMAS!!! HAPPEH NEW YEAARR!!!!!

Whose am I?

Today Brianna mauled me (I've been meaning to write about that, hang on just a sec.... Ok.)

When Brianna mauls me, she picks me up around my chest and holds me up on my hind legs (just like I was jumping on someone, I don't get this! It's not ok for me to jump on her but it's ok for her to pick me up??) and hugs me and lets me lick her face. She also coos about what a perfect puppy I am and how wonderful and furry my face is. (Or something like that.)

Anyways, so today she was mauling me. (That's what Mom calls it.) And she was going "who's my puppeh, who's my puppeehhh??" and Mom said "I wonder if she knows whose dog she is." And Brianna said "your name is on the paperwork". and Mom said "but you wanted her!" and I said "but you picked her out!" (they have this argument all the time, or at least something to that effect.) Anyway, I'm getting off track. Mom wondered if I knew whose dog I am.

I do! I do know!!! I do, I do, I do!!! I'm the REDHEADS' DOG!!!!!!!

Good grief, I miss those redheads. Both of them. I haven't seen them in months. Not Rachel since August (and I especially like her because she smells like CATS!) and not Eeeeelaina since... October? IDK. It's just been too long and I miss the redheads. Leah came over a couple days ago and spent the night, though! I secretly really love Leah and Eeeeeelaina and Emerleh because they all smell like other dogs!!! (I wonder what happened to Sammy... I haven't heard from him in weeks! Last I knew, he couldn't get his person's tablet to work, so he couldn't post... I really miss him.) =( I haven't seen Sarah in forever, but I love her even more, because she smells like cats! (So does the pillow I sleep on. It smells like Sarah and cats.)

I do miss them. But I love my people. It makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside to think that I have a forever family. I have a home and people who love me. Mom even promised that she wouldn't ever take me back to the pound! And I'm so excited to spend my first Christmas with my forever family! <3

My Christmas List!

Here is my Christmas list! It's kind of long... I am a very deprived puppy. And hey, Brianna put a diamond ring (or something like that) on her list, so why can't I put whatever I want on my list?

• Pink tennis balls! Green gets really boring.
• A big fluffy dog bed, like a really big one that's really fluffy. Not that I need another one...
• A RABBIT!!!
• A SQUIRREL!!!
• A DEER!!!
• A CAT!!!
• A BIRD!!!!!
• THE CHANCE TO RUN THROUGH THE WOOD FOREVER!!!!!!
• A buddy. Like, a four-legged furry one that barks and lives with me.
• A bright pink bandanna to match my bright pink collar. (well, Brianna wants to get me one of those, anyway.)
• FOOD. ALL THE FOOD. PEOPLE FOOD.
• Peanutbutter.
• Bacon cheese strips!!!
• A new stuffed rabbit. Mine met a disturbing end. I shall write about that later....
• A SQUEEEEEKY THING!!!!
• SQUEEKY TENNIS BALLS
• A redhead. To live with me. I miss them. =(
• A new leash! A pretty leash! A stylish leash!
• A sweater. (actually, I don't want one of those. My people are just threatening to buy me one for really cold days.)
• Rope toys! Preferably the preferable ones!
• License to jump on people.
• To be allowed to go through the garbage.
• Unlimited time at the dog park.
• Rawhide.
• To bark at things whenever I want. (My people are complaining I'm becoming too "barky". Stupid idea, barking is fun! Maybe I just get tired of not saying anything!)
• Those chewy bone thingies Mom bought me once. But only once. And they were really delicious.
• No more baths. Ever.
• Love. Lots and lots of love. <3

That's all I can think of right now! If I remember anything else, I shall add it. Now I'm off to go bark at nothing in particular.

SO GUESS WHAT?!?!?!

IT'S THUUUUUURRRSSSDAAAAYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!! THE DAY WHERE AMAZING GETS REAL!!!!!!! Mom was a little upset because I supposedly almost pulled her arm off trying to get in... Don't listen to her. Humans always lie. I was a wonderfully behaved dog, just like I always am. I'm probably the most perfect canine ever. Like, legit (as Brianna and the redheads say).

BUT I DIDN'T GET A BATH!!!!!!!!!!! I HAVEN'T HAD A BATH IN TWO WEEKS!!!!!!!!!!!! HOOOOOORAAAAAYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I just wish I wasn't so tired by the end of the day... Because if I weren't then I could just do it all over again! :D

Peopleh have strange ideas about grammareh.

I am not quite sure what's up with the eh on the end of things... But that's how Brianna does it! She says "puppyeh" and "doggyeh" and Emerleh (which isn't actually her name, but I don't remember what her name is, but a couple redheads started and Brianna picked up) and all sorts of other weird things... She also calls Eeeeeelaina "EEELOINA" and then Eeeeelaina gets all mad at Brianna and yells "DON'T CALL ME EEELOINA, BREEONA!" and then Brianna gets mad at her for calling her "BREEONA". But they have an agreement. If Brianna calls her "EEELOINA" then Eeeeelaina can call her "BREEONA". I don't get it... Brianna also says things like "I wuvs chu" and "I ish sowwy". I'm pretty sure she learned all that from a redhead. Or more than one.

Not to say I don't like redheads. I mean, I think I probably put them in a negative light sometimes. But I really do love redheads! They're not angry or twitty like brunettes. *looks at Brianna* I mean, I've really never met a redhead I didn't like! They're funny and energetic and thoughtful and creative people! Not to mention it's hard to find a true redhead like Eeeelaina or Rachel. There are a lot of dyed redheads out there nowadays and its sad. I hate posers. And redheaded posers are the worst. They pretend to be a redhead but it's easy to see through that guise and you can tell that underneath they are just dirty blondes or brunettes trying to have a redhead nature and failing miserably. People like that ought to get professional help and see a therapist. Also dye their hair back to their original color. Because once a redhead, always a redhead. And once a not-redhead, never a redhead.

Anyways... I really do love redheads. They always make me so happy because they are so happy to see me! Even when they're half asleep they still have (actually, especially have) effervescent personalities. (I don't know what that word means, and Mom always tells Brianna not to use a word if she doesn't know what it means, but Brianna called me it so it must be complimentary.) So yeeeah...

There's a "dog grooming" place in the mall. I put it in quotes because I looked at their flyer and I'm pretty sure they're for miniature poodles. They do facials and spa treatments and of course, hair cuts and baths and nail clipping. *shudder* They can also condition your fur and paint your toenails and dye your fur and then they give you a complementary bow or bandana. And it's all very overpriced and their flyer had so many typos and misspellings and capitalization errors and inconsistency it wasn't even funny. First of all, Brianna says that if they can't even get their flyer right, she's not intrusting her dog to them. "They're running a business. That is unprofessional and irresponsible. If they can't even spell the name of the road they're located on right, or at least use spellchecker, what does that say about them as a business? That they're lazy and my dog won't be well-groomed." Mom scolded her for making snap judgements about people because of their grammar and spelling, but I think she secretly agrees with her... Mom and Brianna are both spelling and grammar nuts. I am a well-raised dog.

But on a more practical level, I would not go there for all the bacon cheese strips in the world. What self-respecting dog would let someone give them a facial?! Why on earth does my fur need conditioning?! It's not long and within two days they'll just say I need another bath, anyway! But if I wasn't so adamantly apposed to the idea, also to the idea of redhead posers, I would totally agree to having my fur dyed red.....

Speaking of bacon cheese strips, I think we're out. ='(

Oh! Oh! Oh my gosh!!

This morning was SO MUCH FUN!!!!!! I wanted to go play with the birds in the yard. So I bothered Mom and Brianna until they put me out on my line! And then they went to read a book and totally didn't notice when I pulled the stake out of the ground and went running through the woods! I was just getting started having fun and then suddenly I couldn't go anywhere because I was still dragging my line and it was all tangled around some bushes in the woods behind the backyard. That's when I started barking.

Somewhere off in the distance I heard Brianna yelling "she's not there!!!" and Mom going "WHAT?!?!" and then "Get your whistle!!!" I barked. A minute later I heard the whistle and barked again.

"I think she's stuck in the woods," said Mom. "Go get dressed!!!"

A minute later I heard the whistle again. I kept barking. Brianna kept blowing the whistle. She walked down the driveway blowing the whistle and yelling "CARLY!!!" I was a little out of breath, so I didn't bark for awhile. She sounded more and more desperate.

"CAR-LEEEEEE!!!!!" I started barking again. I guess she finally deducted that I was somewhere around the vicinity of the backyard. I heard her walking through it and yelling and blowing the whistle. I kept barking. And then I saw her!

"Car-leee," she groaned. I was very pleased with myself. I mean, I was smart enough to bark until I got myself untangled, wasn't I?! I guess my happiness showed on my face because she looked awfully angry as she called for Mom to bring the leash and started thwacking through the bushes. Mom came out and tossed her the leash. Then she put me on the leash and immediately yelled at me as I tried to go running through the woods some more.

She tripped back through the woods (she claims that tromping through the woods is one thing, tromping through the woods with an excited dog is an entirely different matter) and gave Mom the leash. Then Mom yelled at me for pulling! She took me inside and tried to wipe my paws (which I don't like, seeing as my paws are very personal and if I deem them dirty, I will lick them, but if I do not deem them dirty, they don't need cleaning) while Brianna got the line. Then she dropped it in a lump on the porch and came in.

"And she just had her flea treatment!" exclaimed Mom. "Oh well, at least she didn't get dirty."

"You look entirely too pleased with yourself," said Brianna.

Then they promptly banished me to my crate for the next fifteen minutes.

Well, I was pleased with myself! After successfully pulling your line out of the ground and running off into the woods and then being neatly rescued thanks to being smart enough to bark, wouldn't you be pleased with yourself?! I bet you would!

I'd like to say something. Just one thing before I get any further into this post.

People are weird. And redheads are weirdest.

Eeeeelaina came over this weekend, she was here all Sunday and Monday morning. And then Mom and Brianna and Eeeeeeelaina left and she didn't come back. :( She's just the weirdest person I think I've ever met. Like on Sunday, she and Brianna decided that they should start calling me The White Death. So that's what they've been calling me. They decided I was a super-villain. On the other hand, maybe that's not a bad idea. Maybe I should really become a super-villain......

And take yesterday. Actually, Sunday, too. Brianna and Eeeeeeelaina took me for walks both days, and both days Eeeeeelaina decided that it would be a great idea to pretend to be something called a "juveenille deelinkwent". (I'm pretty sure that's spelled wrong, sorry.) I have no idea what that is. All I know is that there's this one house that's like, four times the size of my house, with a huge garage and a pool and dirt bikes and a pond and a long, paved driveway, and Eeeeeeeelaina decided the best thing to do would be to take a nap in the driveway. So she lied down on the side of the end of the driveway and I (seeing as Brianna put the walking collar on me) decided this was the perfect time to get it off! Brianna laughed her head off and Eeeeelaina was most upset when I stuck my nose in her armpit.

Then that redhead had the audacity to try and make me heel! She didn't give me hardly any leash and told me to heel, over and over again, and kept scolding me for pulling!!! I was so angry I sat right down and refused to move. However, I love her and she loves me and I got over it quickly. She always smells really interesting... Like other dogs and cats and birds and purfume and dirt and paint and things.

This redheaded business is just weird. Here's a picture of me with the "juveenille deelinkwent".

And this is me and Brianna. Kind of unflattering, actually. Brianna's elbow is not actually that big.

Oh, and this is my gorgeous tail.

I'M ALL ALONE!

A few days ago, most of my family left! They haven't come back either! Layna was the only one who stayed with me... But yesterday morning she left too! I knew something was afoot the moment she got up, (she hardly every wakes up in the MORNING) and then she packed her yellow backpack up, I wasn't too worried, in fact, i was blissfully happy for a little while. See Layna some times puts stuff in that backpack, and then I believe she goes into the woods by our house (that I'm not allowed to in) and comes back with these mini pears in her pack that she give to the other kids and she smells so interesting when she gets back, like the forest and cats (CATS!) and other animals and dirt... ahhhhhh dirt...
But I'm starting to loose the basic point. SHE LEFT AND SHE HASN'T COME ALL NIGHT AND I'M VERY CONCERNED SHE MAY BE SEEING OTHER DOGS ON THE SIDE! Like the day BEFORE yesterday when she came home smelling like a black lab puppy. What's happening? Is she getting tired of me? Did she abandon me? The lady who lives on the other side of the house has been letting me and the other dog out, and she gives us a pat on the head now and again... BUT I WANT LAYNA AND THE FAMILY TO COME HOME! I even miss Jesse grabbing my face and telling me "Your so caaaayyyyuuuuttteeee DOG-ALERRR!" If they all just come home I wont be angry!




If you see a red headed girl in black sneekers that smell like a black lab puppy, who answers to Layna and has an inexplicable attraction to acrylic paints (if you don't now what those are, they smell TERRIBLE!) and notebooks, and pens, and sketch books, and books, and tools, and Zelda, and quotes starwars... THEN PLEASE JUMP HER AND PUT A LEASH ON HER AND CONTACT ME IMMEDIATELY!

I think I know what it's like to love.

Today was doggie daycare! And after sitting here thinking for a long time, I figured something out. So here's what I figured out. 

I love being in the center of the pack. I love being the alpha dog. I love leading. I love it. I love running with other dogs. I love being a dog. I love being a popular dog. I love getting walks. I love it. Did I mention that I love loving things??

I love being loved. I love it when Brianna scratches my ears and gives me tummy rubs. I love it when Mom and Dad scratch my ears and give me tummy rubs. I love my tennis balls and I love it when people throw them. I love playing tug-of-war. I love it when I get bacon cheese strips. And peanutbutter. And cheese. And even just milkbones. And I love chewing rawhide and I love chewing my bones and I just love chewing.

I love chasing bugs. I love chasing rabbits. I love chasing cars. I love chasing tennis balls. I love chasing Brianna. I love chasing frogs and toads. I love chasing my tail. 

I love doggie day care. I love the park. I love playing in the park and playing at doggie day care. I love playing with dog friends. I love people friends. I love playing with people friends, like Eeeelaina and Sarah and Emerleh and Rachel. (I love redheads, too, actually. I just think they're weird.) I love coming home from a long day of playing with friends and always having Brianna and Mom and Dad to pet me and love me.

I love it when I get people food in my kibble. I love it when my people play with me. I love it when they tell me they love me and that I'm a silly dog. I love it when they take out my tennis balls and ropes and play with me. I love it when they give me a rawhide or a bone or even an ice cube. I love having people who love me. I love having a home. I love being loved. 

I love knowing that if I ever run away into the woods again, they'll still be there, calling my name. I love knowing that even if they give me baths they still love me. I love being their dog. I love them being my people. I love it when they take me for walks. I love it when Mom and Brianna come into doggie daycare to pick me up and I'm just soooo happy to see them!!! I love how my people never forget me.

I love how I don't need Captain or Deuce to make me happy. I love how I can be single. I love how I can be independent and I don't need to live for anyone else. I love being single. Relationships are often disastrous.

I love wogging. I love emailing with Sammy. I love checking my wog and seeing if anyone has read it. I love writing new posts, even though typing with paws is really hard.

I love being happy. I love being a dog.

HIHIHIHIHEEEYY!!!!!!!

HI! HI HI HI HI HI HEY HI THERE HELLO! HI!!!
I'M SO HAPPY TO MEET YOU! Can I lick your face? Too soon? OK...
My name is Sammy, AND I'M SO HAPPY TO MEET YOU! I WISH I COULD JUST MEET PEOPLE ALL THE TIME! IT'S JUST SUCH A GREAT FEELING!

Oh my gosh... was that a squirrel?  HEY YOU SQUIRREL!

Oh, who are you? HI! HELLO HEYA- oh wait, we already did this!
Layna says I'm ADD, but I don't know what that is... it seems a tad extreme.

I love Layna, I love her the most right now. see, she gives me dry dog food ALL the time, and the other dog who lives in our house ALWAYS gets the yummy wet stuff... it smells so good... Layna never lets me taste Pippin's (the other dog) yummy food. All I want is a taste!
but today she gave a WHOLE CAN! After she said something to her mother about "running outa Sammy's food," but it was ALL MINE! She's the best person EVER!
But she is continuously trying to steal my new toy! And she laughs when I try to pull it out of her hands, (I usually win though,) I've had to start sleeping with it in my mouth. I'm worried if I don't, she'll take it away for good! I love it so much, it smells like dirty laundry, and Layna.

I love Layna, she's the best person EVER!

I hope she doesn't mind I'm using her account to write this blog, she wont. I really DIDN'T mean to change the name to Sammy, buuuuttt........ I don't think she'll mind, she says I'm her most favorite dog in the world! I got the idea to blog when I started reading this other dog's blog, her name is Carly. She's so smart and thoughtful... So I emailed her, and told her how inspiring she is, she said she was flattered! so I told her of my dreams of being a "wogger" myself, but i didn't quite know where to begin. So she invited me to write a post on her blog some times! SHE'S JUST SO COOL!
I wonder if she chases cats, and if she will sign my petition to have all cats covered in bacon and melted cheddar cheese slices that fell in the dirt. Mmmmmmmmm...... i get this tingly feeling just thinking about it....
It's funny how she talks about Brianna's red head friends, Layna's a red head...

I met a new friend!!!

I got this great email from this dog named Sammy who loves my blog and so I said he could help me write it sometimes!!! I'm excited, I made a new friend!!!!

He's owned by a redhead... I wonder what that says about his personality. Personally, I decide if people are weird or not by what color their hair is. It works very well, very accurate. Like the friend Brianna has over right now, Eeeelaina. She calls me Carls!!! Why?! Anyways, she's fun. She lets me lick her face. I like people that let me lick their face. Brianna won't let me lick her face. I don't know why, I love her. :(

Like just a few minutes ago, I got in trouble for chewing and jumping on them. I don't get it, I do it cause I love them!!! (And they taste better than my Nylabone.) But they don't like it!!! It's bewildering.

Oh, oh, oh, I just remembered! I look dashing in a bandanna. I mean, I hate wearing them, but I look dashing in it. Simply smashingly dashing. You will agree. Look at this picture and you will simply just be unable to argue with me about how gorgeous I am in a bandanna. I'm not sure if red is my color, though. I'm sorry about the blurry tail, I'm very enthusiastic about being adored.

Thoughts on my name and Brianna's bizarre friends.

Why? Just why?!

Brianna has a bunch of psycho friends. The weird ones are brunettes. The really weird ones are redheads. The half-blondes are on the verge of being normal. (Brianna is a brunette with red highlights, which says a lot when you consider the above statement.)

One day they were naming zits. (I don't get it. I don't get zits, but whatever.) The super-weird redhead told her younger almost-as-weird redheaded sister that she should name her zits Shiniqua and Bonquiqui. Now Brianna is saying they should have named me Bonquiqui. And she's been CALLING me Bonquiqui. I don't answer to it. Mom calls me Snurf-dog. And they've just started calling me El Doggo. Yesterday the younger-psycho redhead came over. She kept calling me Carls.

I do not get these people! My name is Carly! I am not Bonquiqui or Snurf-dog or El Doggo or even Carlybob. Please, get a life, people! Why do they think that just because I'm a dog they can come up with all sorts of weird names for me?! If I could talk (gee, I wish I could) and if I started calling Brianna Pootykins, I think she might not be too happy with me. How does she think I feel, calling me El Doggo and Bonquiqui?! People don't go around calling other people weird names! (Unless of course you are one of Brianna's group of weird friends... They call each other George and Bob. Actually, they add the suffix "obob" onto almost everything they say. It's so weirdobob. They also have weird nicknames for each other, like Duncan and Jody. The half-blonde with braces is Glimmer Grin. Brianna is Can O'Pepper because of her braces and her addiction to the stuff. Give me a break, people. We're given names at birth for a reason.)

I JUST DON'T GET PEOPLE!!!!!! Can't they just think like dogs?! It would actually make sense then!!!