I am so confused?

So there's this puffball, right? Well, it's still here. And I'm still not sure why. I'm quite annoyed today. She won't play! And when I try to play with her, she gets fed up with me and hauls off and yaps! And I don't understand why. And I'm supposedly being really annoying, but I don't get that. I am just so confused. I'm also extremely jealous because Katie is allowed to sit on people's laps and I'm not allowed on the furniture!!! What is wrong with this?! I WANT EQUAL RIGHTS. Not only that, but then the puffball has the audacity to sleep on my pillow! What is wrong with humanity?! Society is falling to ruin!!

This is me and the puffball on Brianna's rug. I'm contemplating chewing on her guitar case and sleeping on her clean laundry, but I doubt she'd appreciate it, even though destruction is the sincerest form of flattery. She should clean her room, anyway.

See? Isn't it weird? It's little. And really fluffy. And I don't understand it. I wish she'd just tell me what she's thinking, but she won't. I think maybe she's sad that her people haven't come to get her. Maybe? I don't know.

In other news, all the snow was all melted and it was nice and muddy and springy, but today it snowed. TODAY IT SNOWED. Can you believe that?! I don't know if I should be really happy or really annoyed. I'm so confused.

Oh, oh, oh, and you'll never guess what happened this weekend!! Eeeeelaina came over and so did Emerleh and then Eeeeeelaina stayed over and it was amazing!!! I LOVE REDHEADS OH MY GOODNESS and they also drank coffee (I don't get the point of this coffee stuff, but all my people consume it like crazy, it's gotten really bad lately, they keep drinking more and more of it) and Emerleh put her empty mug on the floor and I started to lick it, and then Brianna yelled at me.... It tasted good, but kind of funny. I'm also a little paranoid, is my tongue too big?

OH MY GOSH GOSH GOSH OH MY GOSH

ALL MY GREATEST WISHES HAVE COME TRUE!!!! THERE'S ANOTHER DOG!!!!!! THERE IS ANOTHER DOG IN THE HOUSE!!!!!! Of course, I have no idea why there is another dog in the house, but that's besides the point. Yesterday evening this lady showed up with two kids and they had this little puffball with them and they stayed and talked awhile, and then she left, but she forgot her puffball! And all the puffball's things, like blankets and a kind of food that comes in a can and smells really delicious. And the puffball is still here.

I'm very confused. This puffball's name is Katie, but she won't talk to me. She's really, really small and brown and much older than me and I want to plaaay!!!! but she doesn't. The only time she'll talk to me is when I annoy her so much she hauls off and gives me a lecture. I don't understand? My people say I'm "overbearing" (like that lady at the dog park), but I just want to be her friend!!

She's a lapdog. So she's allowed on Brianna's lap and her and Dad pick her up. Which is not fair. Sometimes I get so jealous I bark. I'm just very confused. I wish Katie would talk to me, but she won't. She just ignores me. And sometimes she sleeps on my bed. And she's also allowed in the car without a crate, she just sits on Brianna's lap! How is this fair?! I can be a lapdog, too!!! This is an outrage.

I'm so confused. What's happening? Why do we have another dog in the house? And I'm also afraid. What if my people stop loving me and love Katie more?

The mud pit -- er, dog park.

Brianna went to church and didn't come back! Then tonight she brought Emerleh in, so I suppose she must have spent the day with her, but that upset me, because that means she was cheating on me because she smelled like Sable, Brian's dog. and CATS. SHE SMELLED LIKE CATS!!!! SHE SMELLED. LIKE CATS. OH MY GOODNESS, BRIANNA SMELLED LIKE CATS!!!!! I practically had a heart attack. I love cats. I mean, I LOVE CATS. Don't even get me started. I ADORE cats.

So Brianna was gone all day, but it was ok, because Mom and Dad took me to the dog park. It was so much fun!! I played in the mud puddles! and then they wouldn't let me into the house.... So I had to stay out on my line and get hosed off before they'd let me in.

  

And then I got a bath. A vile, vile, bath. Dad had to shampoo me three times. It was horrid. Not just that, but I got a flea treatment after that, too!! Can you believe these people?! What is wrong with them?! Torturing a poor, innocent doggy like me like this. Doesn't that face just melt your heart?! You know it does........

Speak?

Awhile back, Brianna stood in the kitchen with treats. I mean, the really good kind of treat. The meaty kind of treat. And she had the clicky thingie that she clicks when I did something right and she's going to give me a treat. (I kind of dropped out of dog club... Well, Brianna did. Supposedly because I was humiliating her, but I have no idea what she's talking about there. I think it was because she's had oodles (are oodles like poodles, only less fluffy?) of schoolwork to do, and a college math class with lots of homework. But that's my personal speculation.) Anyway. So she took that little box, you know the one I told you about a long time ago? She held it in one hand with the treat and clicky thing in the other, and then kept saying "speak!" and then she would push a button and it would bark.

I just looked at her. I knew she'd gone utterly crazy, finally. When it gets sunnier out, her hair gets more red. Therefore, she also gets crazier. She's just a little auburn, so she will never be a true redhead, for which I am sad. But redheads are a rare race and if you have one, you can consider yourself lucky. Anyhow, she kept making the box bark. I don't know what she was trying to accomplish. I finally got disgruntled enough that I yipped.

She clicked! I got the treat! She said "good speak!" and we kept doing this, over and over again, over the course of two days. I still don't understand why she wants me to bark, she scolds me for barking at the neighbors. But I guess this is different? So that is the story of how I learned to speak. Sit and Lie Down and Shake and High Five and Roll Over and Dance and Spin and Turn all have very boring explanations. So this is your interesting explanation of what it's like to be a dog. Whoever said "it's a dog's life" had absolutely no idea. NO idea. Absolutely NO idea.

Oh my goodness, it's spring!

It's spring! I'm so excited! Mostly all the snow has melted and that means... MUUDD!!! I LOVE MUD. I ABSOLUTELY ADORE MUD. Because you know what mud means? THE DOG PARK. The dog park is a mud pit right now.... And I know it very well. I've been three times in the last couple weeks. And I've gotten three baths. Can you believe that? That's the thing about mud, you need baths with it. And I've also been shedding a lot, because spring means it's shedding season. I don't mind, but Mom and Brianna do a lot of vacuuming and Dad is always picking clumps of hair off things.

I'm sorry about not wogging... and I realized that if I actually wogged more I could have a really nice wog. But I just don't feel like wogging when nothing interesting happens to me anymore. I mean, really, lately the only interesting things around are robins (there are flocks of them that Brianna won't let me bark at) and the dog park, swamp-spattered and elusive though it may be.

Life has gotten into such a dull routine, I'm bored. It's the same every day. We all got lazy over the winter. And I gained weight!! Brianna picked me up and stood me on the scale the other day. I'm 52 pounds!! I gained eight pounds over the winter!! Does this make fat? Oh dear, do I need to go on a diet? Because I sure as heck don't want to go on a diet. I LOVE CHEESE. AND I LOVE PEANUT BUTTER. AND I LOVE MEAT. I'M A DOG, I LIVE FOR FOOD. Mom says I still have a lovely, sfelt (sfelt? Is that the word?) figure, but I'm getting a little nervous... I don't want to be a pudgy dog. But she also says I'll burn it all off at the dog park. So I guess I'm ok.

I just wish something interesting would happen. Something really, really, really interesting. Hmm. What would make life more interesting? I know! I wish we had another dog! But that's not going to happen. Now Mom cries over dog stories, but she still says she doesn't want another. What an insult to my race... Anyway, another dog to play with would make life interesting. But you know what else would be interesting? An escape. I haven't escaped since February, and that was lots of fun. I should do that again.