I ESCAPED!!!!!!!

I ESCAPED I ESCAPED I ESCAPED OOH I AM SO PROUD OF ME!!!!!!!!!!!!

You see, this morning I was out on my line. Well, I don't even really remember what it was, but I saw something and I lunged to go chase it. My collar broke! I was overjoyed! I ran and ran and ran and I don't even know how long or far! But I was really tired after that and really hot and extremely pleased with myself.

I heard the whistle in the distance... And I started for home. But she stopped blowing it and so I just stood there in someone's yard. And then I saw the van! Mom had come to rescue me! She opened the driver's door and let me just hop right in, which she has NEVER done before! Brianna was running up the road and hopped into the front seat. So I sat there in between the seats and hung my tongue out and they accused me of looking very pleased with myself. Well, who wouldn't be?!

And that was bad enough, them accusing me of looking pleased with myself. But THEN they told me I had made them late for something (I don't know what, who cares!) and that since I had had such a run I must not need to go to the dog park!!! What kind of logic is that?!?! CRAZY. CRAZY CRAZY PEOPLE. So I DIDN'T go to the dog park!!! It wasn't fair!!!

On the other hand, they did buy me a new collar, which is super sturdy and not prone to break (sigh). All the connecty pieces are metal and the rest is like this uber heavy plastic stuff. (sigh) But it's very stylin and gorgeous. It's neon pink and so brings out the tone of my fur and skin. It's lovely, I will post a picture sometime.

DAD IS BAAAAAACK!!!!!!!!!

HE'S BACK HE'S BACK HE'S BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!

Tonight I KNEW what was going to happen, I swear I did! So when Brianna took me out to "find a spot" I didn't want to! She finally just put me in the back of the car. And then when we drove a little ways and Brianna got me out I also didn't want to go! I snurfed and snurfed and snurfed and the place smelled like... IDK. A lot of people. It was the same place, I think, that Mom took me the second week I came home. We found Brianna and Dad there! They had been missing for like, a whole week! So now I knew even MORE that we would be getting Dad!

AND THEN HE CAME!!!! He was walking along the sidewalk and I practically lunged out of Brianna's grasp to get to him!!! I WAS SO EXCITED AND I STILL AM OH MY GOSH HE CAME HOME!!!!!!! HE STILL LOVES ME!!!!!!!!!!! AND I STILL LOVE HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This is my ecstatic self with him.

Monday. Monday monday monday.

Well this Monday 4H got canceled AGAIN. I'm really starting to miss all the treats. So I stayed in my crate at home all day. No dog park. What is wrong with my people?! :(

And Dad STILL isn't home yet!!! I'm freaking out, where IS he?! Did he leave me?! FOREVER?!?!?! Does he still love me?! What did I do to make him leave?! I'm so scared. :(((

THE DOG PARK?! TWO DAYS IN A ROW?!?!

YES!!! THE DOG PARK TWO DAYS IN A ROW!!!!! IT IS NOT A MYTH, IT IS REALITY!!!!!!!

EMERLEH came over today! She and Brianna took me for a walk, which was fun, except for the dogs along the road... More on them later. And then after that we WENT IN THE CAR!!!!!! Emerleh and Brianna took me to the dog park!!!! I played with a lot of dogs because there were a lot of dogs there!!!! There was a white pit bull and these two big white dogs that looked like German Shepherds and the four of us played together and it was like WHITE PACK ATTACK!!!!!!! And then there was a Boarder Collie/great Pyrenees mix named Lacey and a big black dog named Jet who I played with, and then some sort of mixed breed named Rocky who I couldn't get to stop hitting on me... And meanwhile Brianna and Emerleh were trying to catch me and I was like "HAHHAHHAH no." They even got out the treats! (That's really drastic, considering that the number one rule my people abide by is "never bring treats to the dog park".) I personally did not find them very interesting but I guess they were accosted by another dog (who they claim was "adorable", disgusting, isn't it?) and just kept giving them the Look. They FINALLY caught me. *growl*

And then when we got home, Brianna gave me a bath. Brianna. Gave ME. A bath!!!

Yes. This picture expresses my feeling exactly. I was not a happy dog at that point.

In any case, I'm freaking out. Dad still hasn't come home!!! Has he left me forever?!

Where is Dad?!?!?!

Well, I got to go to the dog park! I played with a big standard poodle whose name was Irving, I think. He was really fun, I think I've played with him before. And I played tug-of-war with two other dogs!!! I was just playing with the brown one, Otis, but then the other one came along. I'd like to think I won...

Mine!

MINE.

MINEEEEH!!!!!!

Hah hah hah it's mine....!

NEENER!!!! I HAZ ROPEZ AND CHU DON'T!!!!!!!

But all fun aside, something sketchy really is afoot. I'm not sure what, and that's just the problem. You see this morning, Mom got me up an hour earlier than usual! And then Aunt Denny showed up and Dad left with her. It's almost eleven and he still isn't back yet!!! I don't know what's going on!!! Why did he leave me?! Does he still love me?! Did I do something that made him stop loving me?! What did I do?! Was it because I had an accident the other night?! I'm really sorry, I'm REALLY REALLY SORRY!!!! Please, just come home!!! It's a Saturday, he should have been here all day and played with me!!! Something must be wrong. Where is Dad?!

Totes not fair.

Today I got jipped. It was not fair. I waited in my crate in the car ALL MORNING to go to the dog park! And then Mom and Brianna didn't take me because they claimed it was "haleing". Not raining, "haleing". (Well, actually, they said it was raining, too, but that's beside the point.) That's why I don't believe them. I don't believe such a thing as "hale" exists. It was all an excuse not to go to the dog park!!! I was horrified!!! So I made a general nuisance of myself once we got home until I felt justified.

Ok, so maybe that wouldn't have been so bad. But they added insult to injury when Mom decided to clean. She used the "vackume" cleaner. (Not sure how that's spelled. Oh wait, spell checker! Spell checker, you will never know how much I love you. I'm a dog, so my spelling isn't that great, and although I hate to admit it, it's true.) Anyway, I don't know exactly what it's for, but she runs it along the floor and it makes an awful noise. And then she says that if it weren't for all my hair she wouldn't need to use it so much, which I don't understand. What's wrong with having a lot of hair?! Brianna has a lot of hair, but Mom doesn't yell at her... (Actually, I guess she used to before they brought me home. Mom used to tell Brianna she should cut her hair so there weren't giant hair clots all over. Brianna personally thanked me for shedding more than her.) In any case, I don't like the vacuum cleaner. (Why on earth would someone put two Us right next to each other in the same word?! So stupid, I should write the English language.)

SO GUESS WHAT?!?!?!

IT'S THUUUUUURRRSSSDAAAAYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!! THE DAY WHERE AMAZING GETS REAL!!!!!!! Mom was a little upset because I supposedly almost pulled her arm off trying to get in... Don't listen to her. Humans always lie. I was a wonderfully behaved dog, just like I always am. I'm probably the most perfect canine ever. Like, legit (as Brianna and the redheads say).

BUT I DIDN'T GET A BATH!!!!!!!!!!! I HAVEN'T HAD A BATH IN TWO WEEKS!!!!!!!!!!!! HOOOOOORAAAAAYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I just wish I wasn't so tired by the end of the day... Because if I weren't then I could just do it all over again! :D

TENNIS BALLS!!!!!!!!!

BRIANNA GOT MY TENNIS BALLS BACK OUT!!!!!!!!! WHOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!! I haven't played with my tennis balls in FOREVER. They've been on top of the fridge, totally forgotten about. A forgotten ball is a heartbreaking thing. I was just so happy when she got them out yesterday. So I've been in "cat mode" (though that is  an offensive term) and chasing them up and down the hallway and losing them under furniture. (Stupid furniture. It always gets in the way.)

But what's even BETTER is THIS. Mom got me a NEW TOY!!!!!! It's a stuffed bunny that has SQUEEEEKERS!!!!!! (And no stuffing....) And I LOVE IT!!!!!!!!! I THROW IT IN THE AIR AND CHASE IT AND SQEEEAK IT AND PULL ON IT AND IT'S ALREADY PARTIALLY DESTROYED!!!!!!!!!!!

Aaaahhhhhhh I love new toys. So much fun to wreck.

AND ALL THIS IS NOT EVEN THE EXTENT OF THE AMAZINGNESS!!!!!!!!!!! MOM BROUGHT ME HOME A PILLOW!!!!!!! And by "pillow" I mean A BIG SQUARE BROWN PILLOW THAT IS REALLY REALLY REALLY CUSHY AND SITS ON THE FLOOR!!!!!!! I'm not sure where she got it, but she brought it home yesterday and it smells like cats.

Oh oh oh oh oh my goodness!

Yesterday was a Monday, which was saddening, but not very much, because I came with them and we went to the dog park. But when we got to the dog park after waiting for them, they had a FRIEND WITH THEM!!!!!! Brianna said something about 4H being canceled, so there was no obedience training today! I didn't really pay attention to Brianna's friend at that point, because I was busy playing with my buddies. I had so much fun! I found this tennis ball. But not just any tennis ball, this one was special. What I mean is that there are always tennis balls at the dog park, but these ones were AMAZING. THEY SQUEAKED. THEY WERE SQUEAKY TENNIS BALLS. I REALLY REALLY REALLY WANT SOME!!!!! I wouldn't give it up! I ran around for like an hour with this amazing ball in my mouth and I was SO HAPPY!!!!!

Of course, at some point or another, they decided they needed to round me up. Stupid owners... Rounding me up is completely unnecessary, duhh. I didn't want to! I kept getting just out of their reach, hah hah! But then this one random lady fooled me by holding up my tennis ball when I dropped it and walking over near Mom and Brianna. Brianna put me on my leash and thanked her. I was mortified. But I did have a wonderful time!

Now this fantastic friend of Brianna's was named Leah. I love her! Brianna has a pair of jeans and some shirts that smell just like her, (teenage girls do something called "sharing clothes", but I don't understand that because dogs don't wear clothing or share.) But Leah smells just like another dog! Leah says that her dog's name is Maggie, and she's a Beagle. I can't wait to meet her, which Leah says I will someday!

We had a ton of fun! They walked me! And I got under their feet while they cleaned the bathroom! And then this morning I slept in the hallway while they stood in the bathroom and smeared stuff on each other's faces (which I totally do not understand.) I was just really happy to have a new friend. But it was sad because Leah left. She left!!! She and Brianna and Mom went out this afternoon and she didn't come back!!! I was horrified.

But I love new people friends!!! They always love me and I always love them!!!

Bacon? Cheese? Did somebody say bacon cheese?!

Brianna was listening to the CRAZIEST song earlier. It went like this:

"Bacon, bacon, bacon oh, like bacon, bacon, bacon, noooooo, I thought you'd always be mine."

It was depressing. The mere thought that bacon might not always be mine?! That's horrible. Also, what normal human would write a song about bacon? Just wondering...

It's also ridiculous. Because MOM JUST BOUGHT MORE BACON CHEESE STRIPS!!!!!!!!!!! She said they were having a sale and she got another whole bag of them!!!!! I'm SOOO HAPPY!!!!! AAAGGGG BACON!!!!!!!!!!!

And they wonder why I bark when I'm out on my line. Because I'm filled with joyous anticipation at the thought of BACON!!!!!! (I also just rythmed. Which, for a dog, I think is quite impressive. Don't mind that I can't spell rithymed. I know it has a Y in it, and starts with an R, but I can't quite figure it out... It's too much like rithum. You know what I mean?)

BACON BACON BACON BACON HOW I LOVE THEE!!!!!!!!!

Also today I had a lot of excitement....! I got to ride in the car! And when Dad got me out, there was Kayley! And her sister, Nicci, who is just as much fun as Kayley! And they petted me and loved me! And I loved them!

I love Kayley. She's shorter than Brianna and Rory's age. She's Rory's friend. What makes me sad is when she stops by some nights and only stays for five minutes before leaving! Seriously, you can't even begin to play with a puppy in five minutes!!! SOMEBODY needs to tell her that!!! But when I bark at her and try to tell her, everyone just gets mad at me, which is not fair. How else am I supposed to let people know what I mean?!

We went to Grandma's today!

Well, so we all went out to Grandma's today. Dad put my line in the ground. I had a lot of fun! I lay in the grass and barked at a noxious teenager who was wandering around with a cellphone and I chased sticks and ropes that Dad and Brianna threw! And the CRAZIEST thing happened! I saw the BIGGEST DOG IN THE WORLD!!! It went by and I was upset because it was hooked up to like a box thing and there were two people in it wearing big hats! And it's toenails were really loud on the pavement for some reason. It totally ignored me and just walked by!!! I was horrified! It was a HUGE dog!!! But I was also horrified because it was pulling a big cart thing and it wasn't even protesting. It was also taller than Brianna!!! I wanted to play with it SOOOOOOMUUUCCHH!!!!! But noooooo they wouldn't let me. =(

THURSDAYS ARE LIKE TENNIS BALLS!!!!

They never stop moving! And they make me bounce and gallumph! And I can never catch them! And they ALWAYS COME BACK AROUND SOONER OR LATER!!!!! AND I LOVE THEM!!!!!!!!!!!

TODAY I WENT CRAZY AND GOT DIRTY AND PLAYED A LOT!!!!!!!!!!! AND IT JUST MAKES ME WANT THURSDAYS TO COME EVERY DAY SO I CAN GO CRAZY AND GET DIRTY AND PLAY A LOT!!!!!!!! AND IT MAKES ME HAPPY!!!!!!!!!! SO YES!!!!!!!!!! I LOVE THURSDAYS!!!!!!!!!!!

PLUS TONIGHT FOR DINNER DAD PUT GRAVY ON MY DINNER!!!!!!!!!!! IT WAS DELICIOUS!!!!!!!!! I love how my people always spoil me on Thursdays!!!!! I'm SURE it MUST be my favorite day of the week!!!!!!

YAYAYAYAY!!!!

TODAY WAS WONDERFUL!!!!! I mean, there was a slight problem in that I got in trouble... There were these things! Throughout the day they kept falling off the table! They were small and roundish and orange and yellow and green... And as soon as it rolled off the table I ran underneath and grabbed it and ran into my box! It was just like a ball! Or a chewy toy!

But then Brianna took it away from me and she and Mom scolded me! They told me "that is an orneementil gored! It is not for Carly! You may not eat it!" and then they threw them both away! I was very perturbed.

But it wasn't a bad day. I mean, like, Kayley showed up! And Derick! Kayley and Derick are two of Rory's friends, and they love dogs! Kayley likes walking me and running me up and down the driveway. She and Brianna frequently laugh like maniacs and it bothers me... And Derick smells like a dog! And he's reeally nice. He just scratched my ears and scratched my ears and scratched my ears. It was like, amazing. So I guess today wasn't too bad.

Rory doesn't like me. He calls me a mutt. ='( And neither does his friend, Ryan, who says he's a cat person. CAT PERSON?!?!?! That's ridiculous!!! Cats are the scum of the earth. Dogs are the diamonds. And Rory's other friend, Greg, is amazing! He smells like a dog, too! He has a big beard and a lot of hair and is really nice to me and everyone! I love him! Well, I love everyone... Even the people who don't love me!

This Monday was unlike most others.

First of all, Brianna and Mom didn't go anywhere! That made me happy. We stayed home together and I got to be on my line. I love my line! And then nobody stopped by to pick Brianna and I up tonight. So that was nice. Mom and Dad didn't go anywhere, either.

It's so annoying being a dog. You can't do anything. Nobody tells you anything! I'm sure there was a reason that today was different, but nobody told me why! When you're a dog, everybody thinks you don't need to know. But you do! Dogs need to know what's going on just as much as people do! But no, Mom never sits me down like she does with Brianna and explains "this is what we're doing today". And when she does do that with Brianna, I'm usually napping on my pile of pillows. And it's not like I can just check the calendar -- that's four feet above my head! How people treat dogs is not fair.

Like Brianna! She keeps calling me "a twit"! Ever since she heard a lady call her English Sheepdog that was rolling around in the water a twit, she's been calling ME a twit every time I do something she considers even remotely stupid or annoying! It's so mean and so rude! It really hurts my feelings. :( And Mom says "you're gonna hurt her feelings!" and Brianna says "she has no idea what I mean!" But I DO know what she means and it DOES hurt my feelings!!! It's not nice!!! :'(

Are dogs really that entertaining?

Why is me "finding a spot" so important? Why can't I just snurf as much as I want? And why don't my people just tell me "CARLY, PEE RIGHT NOW!!!" instead of standing there going "find a spot, find a spot, find a spot"?! It makes them look so stupid. And why do they tell me I'm such a good girl and then intently watch me while I do my business?! That would really bother them if I did that to them!

Same thing with eating! Why is me eating lunch so interesting?! Mom and Brianna stand there watching me and say "good girl" and pat my rump and refill my water like me chomping kibble is entertaining! (Which, it sorta is, buuut... I mean, it shouldn't be to people.)

So I really don't understand. Are dogs really terribly interesting? I need to find out.

The weirdest thing happened last night!

I was napping on my pile of pillows, right? Mom was sleeping in her big blue chair and Dad and Brianna were watching a movie. When I woke up, Brianna was grabbing my collar and leading me into my crate. Well, that good and woke me up! Why wasn't she putting me on my leash and taking me outside before putting me in my crate? This was weird.

And then she grabbed my jar of treats and leash and walked outside. She grabbed my jar of treats and my leash went outside! Without me! And then after awhile Dad came in. He had my other crate and he put it in the den. And then Brianna came back in and... I swear, she had another dog with her. She put the other dog into my spare crate and then Dad went back outside. I started whining and clawing at the door of my crate because I wanted to go play!!! So Brianna shut the doors to the den. I was horrified. What could be going on?!

Brianna went back out and then came back in a few minutes later with a strange guy, who picked up the other dog and took her out. And then she and Dad came back out and Mom reappeared and they let me out.

Well, I practically had a heart attack!!! My crate smelled like this other dog!!! It was definitely a bulldog of some kind... And it was a girl. And I was upset that I didn't get to meet her. I went into "power snurf mode" as my people call it.

SUPPOSEDLY Dad and Brianna heard this dog scratching at the door so they went out and it ran away and hid and they coaxed it out with treats and put it on my leash and then into my crate and then Dad went over to the neighbors and the neighbors were dogsitting and the dog got away so they came and got the dog who's name was SUPPOSEDLY Alaska. But I think that Brianna and Dad were cheating on me and they suddenly realized they were going to be in trouble so they went and got the neighbors to take the other dog for them. I think they don't love me anymore. =(

My one consolation is that they didn't give away the last of my bacon cheese strips. It was just my milkbones and training treats, thank goodness!

Peopleh have strange ideas about grammareh.

I am not quite sure what's up with the eh on the end of things... But that's how Brianna does it! She says "puppyeh" and "doggyeh" and Emerleh (which isn't actually her name, but I don't remember what her name is, but a couple redheads started and Brianna picked up) and all sorts of other weird things... She also calls Eeeeeelaina "EEELOINA" and then Eeeeelaina gets all mad at Brianna and yells "DON'T CALL ME EEELOINA, BREEONA!" and then Brianna gets mad at her for calling her "BREEONA". But they have an agreement. If Brianna calls her "EEELOINA" then Eeeeelaina can call her "BREEONA". I don't get it... Brianna also says things like "I wuvs chu" and "I ish sowwy". I'm pretty sure she learned all that from a redhead. Or more than one.

Not to say I don't like redheads. I mean, I think I probably put them in a negative light sometimes. But I really do love redheads! They're not angry or twitty like brunettes. *looks at Brianna* I mean, I've really never met a redhead I didn't like! They're funny and energetic and thoughtful and creative people! Not to mention it's hard to find a true redhead like Eeeelaina or Rachel. There are a lot of dyed redheads out there nowadays and its sad. I hate posers. And redheaded posers are the worst. They pretend to be a redhead but it's easy to see through that guise and you can tell that underneath they are just dirty blondes or brunettes trying to have a redhead nature and failing miserably. People like that ought to get professional help and see a therapist. Also dye their hair back to their original color. Because once a redhead, always a redhead. And once a not-redhead, never a redhead.

Anyways... I really do love redheads. They always make me so happy because they are so happy to see me! Even when they're half asleep they still have (actually, especially have) effervescent personalities. (I don't know what that word means, and Mom always tells Brianna not to use a word if she doesn't know what it means, but Brianna called me it so it must be complimentary.) So yeeeah...

There's a "dog grooming" place in the mall. I put it in quotes because I looked at their flyer and I'm pretty sure they're for miniature poodles. They do facials and spa treatments and of course, hair cuts and baths and nail clipping. *shudder* They can also condition your fur and paint your toenails and dye your fur and then they give you a complementary bow or bandana. And it's all very overpriced and their flyer had so many typos and misspellings and capitalization errors and inconsistency it wasn't even funny. First of all, Brianna says that if they can't even get their flyer right, she's not intrusting her dog to them. "They're running a business. That is unprofessional and irresponsible. If they can't even spell the name of the road they're located on right, or at least use spellchecker, what does that say about them as a business? That they're lazy and my dog won't be well-groomed." Mom scolded her for making snap judgements about people because of their grammar and spelling, but I think she secretly agrees with her... Mom and Brianna are both spelling and grammar nuts. I am a well-raised dog.

But on a more practical level, I would not go there for all the bacon cheese strips in the world. What self-respecting dog would let someone give them a facial?! Why on earth does my fur need conditioning?! It's not long and within two days they'll just say I need another bath, anyway! But if I wasn't so adamantly apposed to the idea, also to the idea of redhead posers, I would totally agree to having my fur dyed red.....

Speaking of bacon cheese strips, I think we're out. ='(

I love Thursdays!!!

Are you tired of hearing me say how much I love Thursdays? Well, too bad! I REALLY LOVE THURSDAYS!!!!!! I'LL NEVER BE DONE SAYING HOW MUCH I LOVE THEM!!!!

I got filthy dirty today!!! And I didn't get a bath!!! WHEEEEEE!!!!!!! I played with all my buddies!!! I had SOOOO MUCH FUN!!!!!!!!!! I KNOW THIS ENTRY SOUNDS LIKE EVERY OTHER ONE I WRITE ON THURSDAYS, AND THAT'S BECAUSE TODAY WAS JUST LIKE EVERY OTHER THURSDAY!!!!!!!!!!! BUT THAT'S OK BECAUSE I LOVE THEM!!!!!!!!!!!!! I came home and collapsed on my pillows. And then I wouldn't get up. Dad practically dragged me out the door to find a spot outside before bed. It was wonderful.

On the other hand, I got a flea treatment the other day. =( I don't like flea treatments. They're not comfortable.

Oh! Oh! Oh my gosh!!

This morning was SO MUCH FUN!!!!!! I wanted to go play with the birds in the yard. So I bothered Mom and Brianna until they put me out on my line! And then they went to read a book and totally didn't notice when I pulled the stake out of the ground and went running through the woods! I was just getting started having fun and then suddenly I couldn't go anywhere because I was still dragging my line and it was all tangled around some bushes in the woods behind the backyard. That's when I started barking.

Somewhere off in the distance I heard Brianna yelling "she's not there!!!" and Mom going "WHAT?!?!" and then "Get your whistle!!!" I barked. A minute later I heard the whistle and barked again.

"I think she's stuck in the woods," said Mom. "Go get dressed!!!"

A minute later I heard the whistle again. I kept barking. Brianna kept blowing the whistle. She walked down the driveway blowing the whistle and yelling "CARLY!!!" I was a little out of breath, so I didn't bark for awhile. She sounded more and more desperate.

"CAR-LEEEEEE!!!!!" I started barking again. I guess she finally deducted that I was somewhere around the vicinity of the backyard. I heard her walking through it and yelling and blowing the whistle. I kept barking. And then I saw her!

"Car-leee," she groaned. I was very pleased with myself. I mean, I was smart enough to bark until I got myself untangled, wasn't I?! I guess my happiness showed on my face because she looked awfully angry as she called for Mom to bring the leash and started thwacking through the bushes. Mom came out and tossed her the leash. Then she put me on the leash and immediately yelled at me as I tried to go running through the woods some more.

She tripped back through the woods (she claims that tromping through the woods is one thing, tromping through the woods with an excited dog is an entirely different matter) and gave Mom the leash. Then Mom yelled at me for pulling! She took me inside and tried to wipe my paws (which I don't like, seeing as my paws are very personal and if I deem them dirty, I will lick them, but if I do not deem them dirty, they don't need cleaning) while Brianna got the line. Then she dropped it in a lump on the porch and came in.

"And she just had her flea treatment!" exclaimed Mom. "Oh well, at least she didn't get dirty."

"You look entirely too pleased with yourself," said Brianna.

Then they promptly banished me to my crate for the next fifteen minutes.

Well, I was pleased with myself! After successfully pulling your line out of the ground and running off into the woods and then being neatly rescued thanks to being smart enough to bark, wouldn't you be pleased with yourself?! I bet you would!

Oh my milkbones!

Has it really been almost a month since I wrote a post?! I am so sorry!!! You see, I haven't had hardly any time because Brianna has been working me like... Well, a dog!

Besides frequent trips to the dog park, the occasional noxious bath, sometimes seeing a redhead or other such wonderful person, being outside on my line most the day and sleeping soundly on my pillows the rest of the time, I guess I haven't done a lot. But... Well, this is the interesting news.

You see, as I have said before, Mom and Brianna and even Dad have agreed I need obedience training or they're taking me back to the pound. (Brianna actually had a horrible nightmare about Mom and Dad taking me back to the pound. She freaked out about it for like, a whole day.) So now Mondays are... Painful, actually.

You see, my average Monday looks like this. I might go out on my line in the morning if I beg to go out long and hard enough. And then Mom and Brianna get ready to go. They get dressed and put on their shoes and it's not to take me for a walk! Then they take me outside and instruct me to find a spot and if I don't then they get upset, but then they take me back inside and put me in my crate and leave me!! They leave me all alone for the whole afternoon!!! Like, from noon to 4:30 or so. Now, I know that isn't really that bad. I've talked to dogs at the daycare that on the days they don't go to daycare they have to stay in their crate from early in the morning until night, or end up being cooped up in a little kitchen or something all day. But in my case it isn't fair!!! Mom and Brianna are home with me pretty much all day every day. It's not fair that I have to stay home alone on Mondays!!!

But what's even less fair is this. Awhile after they get home in the afternoons, sometimes Brianna takes me for a walk. And then awhile after that, a car or van comes up the driveway. A nice guy who never scratches my ears is driving and there isn't a crate in the back. And in the front seat is a teenage guy who has a little fluffy dog named Sable on his lap. Sable never wants to play with me, and Brianna and Brian (Brian is the teenage guy) don't let us play anyway. And I have to sit on the floor or the seat and not in a crate and ride in the car! Which would be a lot more fun if I didn't have my walking collar on for the whole afternoon! The really odd thing is that the car or van always sort of smells like Emerleh, and Emerleh always smells like Sable. I don't get how that works...

And then once the car stops and we all get out, we go into this giant room that has a lot of chairs on one side, almost like they're going up the wall in a slope, and a big empty place with a floor covered in sawdust. And there are dogs and dogs and dogs and more dogs all over the place!!! But Brianna yells at me when I bark, and I can't pull on my leash and she won't let me go play!!!! And I have to sit on the ground, surrounded by other dogs while Brianna tells me to do things that don't make sense and gives me inordinate amounts of treats!!! Besides the treats, I really don't like it!! There's this one lady who smells like at least three different dogs who talks to Brianna a lot and even she yells at me for barking. She accused me of having a "hissy fit" yesterday! I was preeety mad.

And I guess what you call all this is obedience training. I sure don't like it at the moment. But everyone tells Brianna that it will get better. I think the part I like best is sitting up in those chairs after we're all done and watching the drill team and agility team practice. I really want to do that. I really want to be on the agility team. But Brianna says I can't do it until I've mastered basic obedience. I also really want to do the drill team. They won first prize at the state fair this year for dog drill team. (I don't know what that means, all I know is that it must be something really important because everybody talks about it!)

Anyway, after that ordeal was over, we get back into the car and I still can't play with Sable! And then they drop us at home and nobody else is home (I still haven't figured out where Mom and Dad go on Monday nights, I know Jared is at work and Rory is hither and thither and wherever, but I can't figure out where Mom and Dad go. Some sort of "meeting" or something.) So Brianna takes the key on her necklace and unlocks the door and we go in and I eat a bowl of food and drink a lot of water and then find something to chew on and then nap until it's bedtime. But last night was different.

It's always really hot in the "livestock pavilion" as they call it. So when we got out it was really nice and cool. And then they dropped us off at home and the porch light was on and they drove away as Brianna was fishing around in her pocket. I didn't know why she wasn't reaching for the key around her neck. I sat, waiting for her to open the door. But she just looked at me and sighed, and then sat down on a chair on the porch. I couldn't understand what she was doing. I wanted to chase bugs but she made me lie down and stay. She yelled at me a lot then, actually, when I wouldn't lie down. Then she got so mad she bopped me on the nose and then I lied down.

It was getting cold out. I mean, I have a fur coat, but I knew Brianna was getting cold. And then she got up and I got up and she walked me around in the grass and then walked over to the blue van which was driveway. For some reason, my crate was still in it. (Mom and Brianna loaded up Mom's van with random stuff and took my crate out and put it in Dad's van and were gone all Saturday and Dad took me to the dog park and I don't know why they haven't moved it back yet.) She put me in the crate and took off the walking collar (thank goodness!) and then got in the front seat. She blew her nose and sighed. I listened to her shifting around and blowing her nose and sighing for awhile. She kept turning on and off the light and poking around in the glovebox. I think she was really bored or something. And then she turned off the light and started messing with the controls on the front seat. She moved it forward and tilted the seat back so she could lie down, and then she moved it back away and put the seat up and sat there, tapping her fingers on the steering wheel. She even honked the horn a couple times. And then she started crying.

I was really confused. What was going on?! Why didn't we just go inside?!

After awhile longer, headlights came up the driveway and Mom and Dad and Jared all pulled in. Brianna got out of the car.

"What are you doing?!" Mom cried, sort of shocked. Brianna slammed the door and threw open the back hatch. I stood up and she put my leash and walking collar back on me.

"How long have you been waiting out here?" Mom sighed as Brianna started going up the walk.

"Since eight-thirty!" she cried, and then burst into tears again.

Well, I couldn't understand why she was being so emotional. I jumped on her but that didn't really help, I guess, because she just yelled at me and dragged me inside. Then she avoided me for the rest of the night. Actually, she avoided everybody.

I don't understand people. They are so fickle. Their emotions are so random. They have such strange ideas.