I'M LEGAL!

I'm a completely legal dog now! Mom renewed my dog license for three more years! Which means that I'm legal for three more years and also that I'm not going back to the pound. Security is a nice feeling. You know, it's a very nice feeling to know you belong. It's quite possibly the best feeling in the world when someone loves you.

You know what else is a nice feeling? Looking pretty. More specifically, new jewelry. Last week I got my shots, which wasn't fun. But they gave me a new tag for my shots! It's orange and nice and shiny right now, although very soon it won't be shiny in the slightest. Now I have four tags and I'll jingle even more. I like walking through the house because my toenails click and my tags jingle and I sound lovely and musical.

Speaking of music, Brianna was using that scary thing called a guitar again today. I hid in my box. It's just so loud. At least she didn't turn on the big black box in the corner of her room. I'm not sure what that big black box does, but she takes this long leash thing and sticks it in the guitar and the other end in the box and then these huge, awful noises come out of it. It's like the radio only much less radioish.

Mom called me Carlotta tonight. What does this even mean?! At least they don't call me Bonquiqui anymore. Or Wigglebutt. Well, sometimes they still do.... It's quite offensive, if you ask me.

Today is a very special day!

Today was a very special day! Do you know why? DO YOU KNOW WHY TODAY WAS A VERY SPECIAL DAY?! BECAUSE I WENT TO THE DOG PARK WITH MOM AND DAD!!!!

But do you know why we went to the dog park? Because this is my one-year-anniversary! I've been a part of the family for exactly a year. I can't believe it! It doesn't feel like a year at all. I love my people. I love my people a lot. They're the best people, really.

Oh, guess what else! Mom got me Dentasticks yesterday! I love Dentasticks. I get them before bed and they're delicious. Oh, and I had to go to the vet last week. They stuck me with needle thingies and it was very unpleasant. They also clipped my nails, which was also very unpleasant. On the other hand, I ate half a bag of treats there. That part was quite pleasant.

Some days I just love being a dog. Actually, I ALWAYS love being a dog. It's THE BEST.

The Party!

There was a party here on Saturday! Like I said, there was a party! It was a big party. It wasn't the crazy kind of party, though. It was the family kind of party. There was Mom and Dad and Jared and Brianna and Rory and Kayley and Grandma and Aunt Denny and Keith and Dorothy! And me! I was the only dog, although Denny and Grandma always smell like another dog.... I really, really, really like Aunt Denny. Last time she was over, Dad scolded her for feeding me cookies under the table. I don't know why, I really liked it.....

I spent most the day on my line, which was ok, because everyone else spent it on the porch. They had all this delicious food. It was a picnic party, you see. I guess it was some kind of holiday. And they even put bacon grease on my dog food!! (BEST DOG FOOD EVER!!) Even Grandma gave me bits of cookie!

I heard everyone talking after they were done eating. I was still on my line. Brianna said to Denny "where are you going?" and she said "to pet the dog" and Rory said "why do you have a hot dog in your hand?" and Denny said "oh, it's just my hot dog, I'm going to eat it" and then Brianna scolded her and I'm not sure why but DENNY GAVE ME THE HOT DOG!!! THE WHOLE HOT DOG!!!!! Do you see why I just LOVE Denny?? But why was she lying? When she came back up on the porch, she announced to all and sundry that she had dropped her hotdog. Keith said "did it hit the ground?" and she said "nope". Boy but that hot dog was tasty. On the other hand, do you suppose eating hot dogs is wrong? Is that cannibalistic of me? I'm not sure I care...

But then I didn't have much fun after that. You see, Jared and Keith and Brianna and Rory stood in the driveway and they threw these things into the driveway and they would blow up! They shot off all this smoke and made this huge noise. I wanted to bark, but I ran and hid in the bushes on the side of the front yard. It was so scary, when Brianna came out with a leash to bring me in, I wouldn't come out of the bushes until she picked up my stick and held it out. Then she gave me a hug and I was scared and shaking all over and I didn't want to go near the big noise but she took me inside anyway and I hid under the desk. But then after Dad sat on the floor with me for awhile and then put me in my box where I was safe, I was ok.

Other than that, the day was amazing! OH BUT I JUST LOVE EVERYONE AND I LOVE SUMMER AND I LOVE THE WHOLE WORLD!!!!!!

Do you ever wonder why people don't have tails?

Well, I knew something was afoot (what a strange word, why would you only have one foot?) this morning when Dad was home this morning. And then he and Mom left, and Brianna got out the thingy that makes all the noise that you run back and forth over the floor -- that's it, the vacuum, that's what it's called. And she put me in my box and vacuumed the entire house. Like, the whole thing. And besides disrupting my midmorning nap, I went to all that work making the floors nice. It took me two weeks to get all those clumps of hair everywhere! In fact, in the den it was so lovely that the entire carpet looked heathered. It was absolutely stunning, but she just HAD to go and CLEAN. Oh well, I always lose hair, so I'll always decorate the house....

And then I chewed on my favorite tennis ball all afternoon. Since it's my favorite, I pulled most of the fabric part off of it. It was tasty. Then I went out on my line and Dad made a lot of noise in the driveway and the next thing I knew he was sitting on this weird thing with two round wheel things and it was taking him down the driveway! I barked! And barked! And then he came back and I was confused.

Mom cooked hamburgers today. She wanted to give me one, but Dad and Brianna wouldn't let me have one. After dinner, the unthinkable happened. Dad put me on my walking collar and leash and took me for a walk. But then when we got inside he didn't take off the leash. He took of my pink collar, the one around my neck. I knew I was done for. I have maintained my dirty state for so long. Such a comforting place to be...

Brianna said "Carly, it's your night! You lucky dog!" and I knew at that moment that she was a terrible, terrible liar, so I ran into my box. She picked up the leash and a bag of treats and we went down to the bathroom. I tried to lie down on my pillow on the way, but she wouldn't let me. And I even gave Dad a really cute, sad look and rubbed my nose on his legs, but he wouldn't let me go, either! So I got a bath. At least Brianna gave me lots of treats. But then I came out and Dad had taken out my nice hair-encrusted rug and put in a clean blanket. I don't know how to feel about that. And now I'm clean. I don't know if I like being clean. I'm also quite undecided on how I feel about being clean.

They said I had to be clean for tomorrow. But I'm not sure what tomorrow is. Mom says it's a party. But what kind of party? And why? And I'm really excited at this idea. I love parties!

I will never understand.

I will never understand, and that's a fact. After all, I'm just a dog. And since I'm just a dog, how can you expect me to understand?

But it would be awfully nice if I did understand. Like, take my people. They don't make sense! They eat things with forks. Why don't they just shove their faces into it? But I suppose not everyone can have as nice a nose as I do.

People wear clothing. Now, I know that people don't have fur coats (and in weather like this, they should be glad of that) but why do they feel the need to wear clothing? If I had no fur, first of all, I'd look funny. (People have got that part mastered.) And I'd also not cover myself up with unnecessary layers. People don't chase rabbits. People don't play with sticks.

But the weirdest thing people do, the weirdest thing, is how they treat dogs. Brianna keeps calling me Snookie Oookum Pops and hugging me like I'm her best friend. (Hey, I am. She doesn't tell me secrets like Eeeeeloina or Emerleh but I don't exactly carry on a good conversation, so I guess that makes sense.) But right after she gets done calling me Snookie Ookum Pops she yells at me to stop jumping on the bed! Like, what's wrong with jumping on the bed? I like the bed. It smells like her and is comfy and covered in pillows and blankets. So why won't they share? Does it mean they don't love me? After all, I keep myself clean and don't chew up blankets. (Well, sometimes I dig holes in the yard and my paws get muddy. But I really don't chew blankets much. And I always clean my paws afterwards.) So why won't they let me on the bed?