I will never understand.

I will never understand, and that's a fact. After all, I'm just a dog. And since I'm just a dog, how can you expect me to understand?

But it would be awfully nice if I did understand. Like, take my people. They don't make sense! They eat things with forks. Why don't they just shove their faces into it? But I suppose not everyone can have as nice a nose as I do.

People wear clothing. Now, I know that people don't have fur coats (and in weather like this, they should be glad of that) but why do they feel the need to wear clothing? If I had no fur, first of all, I'd look funny. (People have got that part mastered.) And I'd also not cover myself up with unnecessary layers. People don't chase rabbits. People don't play with sticks.

But the weirdest thing people do, the weirdest thing, is how they treat dogs. Brianna keeps calling me Snookie Oookum Pops and hugging me like I'm her best friend. (Hey, I am. She doesn't tell me secrets like Eeeeeloina or Emerleh but I don't exactly carry on a good conversation, so I guess that makes sense.) But right after she gets done calling me Snookie Ookum Pops she yells at me to stop jumping on the bed! Like, what's wrong with jumping on the bed? I like the bed. It smells like her and is comfy and covered in pillows and blankets. So why won't they share? Does it mean they don't love me? After all, I keep myself clean and don't chew up blankets. (Well, sometimes I dig holes in the yard and my paws get muddy. But I really don't chew blankets much. And I always clean my paws afterwards.) So why won't they let me on the bed?