Oh my goodness, it's spring!

It's spring! I'm so excited! Mostly all the snow has melted and that means... MUUDD!!! I LOVE MUD. I ABSOLUTELY ADORE MUD. Because you know what mud means? THE DOG PARK. The dog park is a mud pit right now.... And I know it very well. I've been three times in the last couple weeks. And I've gotten three baths. Can you believe that? That's the thing about mud, you need baths with it. And I've also been shedding a lot, because spring means it's shedding season. I don't mind, but Mom and Brianna do a lot of vacuuming and Dad is always picking clumps of hair off things.

I'm sorry about not wogging... and I realized that if I actually wogged more I could have a really nice wog. But I just don't feel like wogging when nothing interesting happens to me anymore. I mean, really, lately the only interesting things around are robins (there are flocks of them that Brianna won't let me bark at) and the dog park, swamp-spattered and elusive though it may be.

Life has gotten into such a dull routine, I'm bored. It's the same every day. We all got lazy over the winter. And I gained weight!! Brianna picked me up and stood me on the scale the other day. I'm 52 pounds!! I gained eight pounds over the winter!! Does this make fat? Oh dear, do I need to go on a diet? Because I sure as heck don't want to go on a diet. I LOVE CHEESE. AND I LOVE PEANUT BUTTER. AND I LOVE MEAT. I'M A DOG, I LIVE FOR FOOD. Mom says I still have a lovely, sfelt (sfelt? Is that the word?) figure, but I'm getting a little nervous... I don't want to be a pudgy dog. But she also says I'll burn it all off at the dog park. So I guess I'm ok.

I just wish something interesting would happen. Something really, really, really interesting. Hmm. What would make life more interesting? I know! I wish we had another dog! But that's not going to happen. Now Mom cries over dog stories, but she still says she doesn't want another. What an insult to my race... Anyway, another dog to play with would make life interesting. But you know what else would be interesting? An escape. I haven't escaped since February, and that was lots of fun. I should do that again.

Church.

What is Church? My people leave me in my box every week the morning after Saturday to go to church. Now, I know church is about God. I love God! I like to sit on my line and look at the trees and the birds and the squirrels and the sky and bark to thank God for it, because it's just the best and He's the best! He made me furry so I'd stay warm in the winter, and he invented evaporational cooling so I'd stay cool in the summer. (That's just a peopley way of explaining why I like hanging my tongue out when I'm hot.) He made the birds and squirrels and deer and even cats (though sometimes I wonder why He thought this world needed cats. Eeeelaina would say I'm being racist, but who needs cats?!) and He made all the dirt for me to dig in and the water to play in and He even made my people who they are! Oh, and He made the redheads and people friends who THEY are, too! Why shouldn't I love Him and be thankful? He's the best! He gave me everything I need and more. He loves me even more than I love Him, and that's crazy! I mean, He doesn't give me tummy rubs or anything, but I know He loves me, and that's funny, because usually I need people to give me tummy rubs to make sure they love me.

So if I love God, and if God loves me, why don't they let me come to church? That's the place you go when you love God, right? So why can't I go?! It's frustrating! All I know about church is that it smells like food and people and floors and metal (I smelled Brianna's slippers, which are furry and look like small animals on her feet and she wears them to Church.) And it's upsetting me that I can't go, too!

It's not fair, I love God as much as all those people who go to church! So why can't I go?! Besides, I want to do everything my people do. It saddens me that they won't bring me with them.

My Christmas List!

Here is my Christmas list! It's kind of long... I am a very deprived puppy. And hey, Brianna put a diamond ring (or something like that) on her list, so why can't I put whatever I want on my list?

• Pink tennis balls! Green gets really boring.
• A big fluffy dog bed, like a really big one that's really fluffy. Not that I need another one...
• A RABBIT!!!
• A SQUIRREL!!!
• A DEER!!!
• A CAT!!!
• A BIRD!!!!!
• THE CHANCE TO RUN THROUGH THE WOOD FOREVER!!!!!!
• A buddy. Like, a four-legged furry one that barks and lives with me.
• A bright pink bandanna to match my bright pink collar. (well, Brianna wants to get me one of those, anyway.)
• FOOD. ALL THE FOOD. PEOPLE FOOD.
• Peanutbutter.
• Bacon cheese strips!!!
• A new stuffed rabbit. Mine met a disturbing end. I shall write about that later....
• A SQUEEEEEKY THING!!!!
• SQUEEKY TENNIS BALLS
• A redhead. To live with me. I miss them. =(
• A new leash! A pretty leash! A stylish leash!
• A sweater. (actually, I don't want one of those. My people are just threatening to buy me one for really cold days.)
• Rope toys! Preferably the preferable ones!
• License to jump on people.
• To be allowed to go through the garbage.
• Unlimited time at the dog park.
• Rawhide.
• To bark at things whenever I want. (My people are complaining I'm becoming too "barky". Stupid idea, barking is fun! Maybe I just get tired of not saying anything!)
• Those chewy bone thingies Mom bought me once. But only once. And they were really delicious.
• No more baths. Ever.
• Love. Lots and lots of love. <3

That's all I can think of right now! If I remember anything else, I shall add it. Now I'm off to go bark at nothing in particular.

Guard the house?

My people have this odd thing they say when they put me in my crate and leave me. They say: "guard the house, Carly." And then when they leave me in my crate in the car for awhile while they do something, they say "guard the car, Carly."

What does this mean? What is guarding something? Maybe I should Google it. Ok, here we go:

"noun: guard; plural noun: guards
1. watch over in order to protect or control.

2.

 a person who keeps watch, esp. a soldier or other person formally assigned to protect a person or to control access to a place."

Oooh, I get it! kind of...not really...I guess maybe...I'm not sure, I'm just a dog! When I adopted my people, they never told me I'd have to do anything! Especially to watch and protect something! On the other hand, I'm very good at watching things... I watch birds and rabbits and things out the window all day long......

But I guess they mean something else, because you know what Brianna said the other day? Somebody came to the door, and I just sat there wagging my tail and grinning and she said:

"You know, you could be a fierce watchdog and actually bark when someone comes to the door!"

Besides, everyone is my friend! Why would I bark at them for no reason other than the fact they were pulling into the driveway and coming up the steps?? It doesn't make sense!

I don't get it? Why would I need to bark at anybody?? Rabbits and birds and squirrels and deer (ooh, I get excited just thinking about it!!) and other dogs, too, but people?! I love everybody, the only person I bark at is Mom because I know she always puts me out on my line when I bark at her!

There are a lot of things to think about when you're a dog.

Like why do birds fly? How does that work? Why can't I fly? It's not really very fair, is it? Why can't I sit on chairs and beds like people? Why can't I run like a rabbit? Why do I have a tail? Why do rabbits have tails?? Why don't people have tails?

Why are people like they are? Why are dogs like they are? Why aren't people like dogs and dogs like people? What makes one the other and other the one? Why am I not a person? Why is Brianna not a dog? Why do people have strange ideas? Why do Brianna's pants end up smelling like other dogs?

Why am I the only white dog at the dog park? Why am I the only one with a heart tag? Why am I not fluffy like other dogs? Why do neither Captain or Deuce really like me? Why can't I get a soulmate? Am I really lovable? Or am I just "overbearing"?

Why are redheads weird? Why is Eeeeeeelaina the weirdest? Why are she and Emerleh fun? Why does Sarah never seem excited to see me? Aren't I just the greatest dog in the world? And WHY does Sarah ALWAYS smell like cats?? That really bugs me!!! I want the cat she always smells like!!! I want to roll it in bacon and cheese and give it to Sammy!!!

Brianna is crazy, seriously.

Seriously. She's crazy. She has this little box she carries around all the time. Well, ok, so its not really a box, but that's about as close a term I can think of. Its flat and long. It plays music. And she stands there holding it and says "Carly! Look at me!" And it makes a clicking noise when I do.

But the weirdest part is lately... I'm not sure what! She did something to it! And now it will sit on the table it or she'll hold it and tap it and it will make noises! But not just any noises, it barks! And meows and squeaks and cries and whistles and barks again! Its driving me crazy!!! I don't get it!!! What is it?! Is Brianna keeping dogs in her little flat box?? Do I need to rescue them? And how does my squeaky toy fit in there? What is going on?!

Actually, I'm really depressed. My squeaky toy is no more. Mom threw it out today because I poked a hole in it and was chomping it. I'm so sad, I LOVE my squeaky toy. Maybe they'll buy me another one. :(

Other than that, today was really fun! Mom and Dad took me to the park and I chased seagulls. The only problem was that... Well, they were forty feet above my head. That made them hard to catch. I also played fetch in the backyard with Brianna and tried to get at the birds at the bird feeder through the kitchen window. I just hate it that I can never catch them!!!

I hate to say it, but lately we've been having communication problems. I just don't understand! They yell at me and clap their hands and bop my nose when I jump up on the windowsill! I don't get it, what did I do wrong?! I'm trying to watch the birds is all, well, actually, catch them. The big ones upset me, I don't like to see them swooping around outside where I can't get to them. It just drives me crazy. So I jump up to get a better view. But then I get in trouble.

I don't know why! I'm not doing anything wrong, am I? I wish they understood me. But I can't talk!

Anyway, I suppose it's a small price to pay for having people who love me and give me bacon-cheese flavored strips for rolling around in circles. I don't get that, either, but I'll expand on it later...

This is me. And my squeaky toy. Before Mom killed it. Brianna is dangling it above my head so she can get a good picture, which I don't understand. Anyway, you should appreciate me posting a picture because it's very hard to use the touch screen on Brianna's little box to email the picture to myself. I just can't figure it out, what is it?! I know it takes pictures when it clicks, but why do music and other dogs come out of it?? I'm so confused. (By the way, that's one of my favorite tennis balls on top of my rug. Brianna calls it Howard. The other one that's not in the picture is Oscar.)