Speak?

Awhile back, Brianna stood in the kitchen with treats. I mean, the really good kind of treat. The meaty kind of treat. And she had the clicky thingie that she clicks when I did something right and she's going to give me a treat. (I kind of dropped out of dog club... Well, Brianna did. Supposedly because I was humiliating her, but I have no idea what she's talking about there. I think it was because she's had oodles (are oodles like poodles, only less fluffy?) of schoolwork to do, and a college math class with lots of homework. But that's my personal speculation.) Anyway. So she took that little box, you know the one I told you about a long time ago? She held it in one hand with the treat and clicky thing in the other, and then kept saying "speak!" and then she would push a button and it would bark.

I just looked at her. I knew she'd gone utterly crazy, finally. When it gets sunnier out, her hair gets more red. Therefore, she also gets crazier. She's just a little auburn, so she will never be a true redhead, for which I am sad. But redheads are a rare race and if you have one, you can consider yourself lucky. Anyhow, she kept making the box bark. I don't know what she was trying to accomplish. I finally got disgruntled enough that I yipped.

She clicked! I got the treat! She said "good speak!" and we kept doing this, over and over again, over the course of two days. I still don't understand why she wants me to bark, she scolds me for barking at the neighbors. But I guess this is different? So that is the story of how I learned to speak. Sit and Lie Down and Shake and High Five and Roll Over and Dance and Spin and Turn all have very boring explanations. So this is your interesting explanation of what it's like to be a dog. Whoever said "it's a dog's life" had absolutely no idea. NO idea. Absolutely NO idea.

Ok! So guess what!

Yesterday was dog club thing. Brianna hasn't taken me in weeks because she's been frustrated with me. But Mom made her go.

I'm kind of tired of being bad, actually. I mean, I'm almost two years old. I can't keep acting like a puppy, can I? I'm going to be old soon. So I decided to try being good. I sat and stayed and walked next to her and didn't bark too much (except at a couple dogs who I like to bark at). And you know something? It was really nice! I got a lot of really good treats -- I'm not talking milkbones, she gave me steak bites and chicken meatballs and beef sausage, also regular crunchy ones. And she was really happy with me afterwards! She usually is really tired and doesn't want to talk to me after obedience classes. But this time she kept saying how proud she was of me and she hugged me a lot. She was especially happy because this one dog named Poppy barked and jumped and yelped at me, but I didn't do anything.

Oh! Oh! Oh! And I got to run through a tunnel and go over jumps! (I was a little occupied barking at the instructor's dog, but it was a lot of fun.) Three people said that I would be really good at agility! I really want to do agility. I think it would be fun. It looks like fun. Drill team looks kind of boring, but agility looks like lots of fun. Brianna says if we fence in the back yard for me, she'll build me an agility set up. That would be a lot of fun!

No 4H tonight!

Mom was super tired and so was Brianna, so we didn't go to 4H tonight! I slept instead! It was amazing! I LOVE SLEEEEEEP!!!!!!

Anyways, I don't know what to blog about anymore. Being a puppy gets old fast. I wish I was an old dog who people took seriously...... I just wish something really really interesting would happen around here........ Now THAT would be exciting..............

Oh oh oh oh oh my goodness!

Yesterday was a Monday, which was saddening, but not very much, because I came with them and we went to the dog park. But when we got to the dog park after waiting for them, they had a FRIEND WITH THEM!!!!!! Brianna said something about 4H being canceled, so there was no obedience training today! I didn't really pay attention to Brianna's friend at that point, because I was busy playing with my buddies. I had so much fun! I found this tennis ball. But not just any tennis ball, this one was special. What I mean is that there are always tennis balls at the dog park, but these ones were AMAZING. THEY SQUEAKED. THEY WERE SQUEAKY TENNIS BALLS. I REALLY REALLY REALLY WANT SOME!!!!! I wouldn't give it up! I ran around for like an hour with this amazing ball in my mouth and I was SO HAPPY!!!!!

Of course, at some point or another, they decided they needed to round me up. Stupid owners... Rounding me up is completely unnecessary, duhh. I didn't want to! I kept getting just out of their reach, hah hah! But then this one random lady fooled me by holding up my tennis ball when I dropped it and walking over near Mom and Brianna. Brianna put me on my leash and thanked her. I was mortified. But I did have a wonderful time!

Now this fantastic friend of Brianna's was named Leah. I love her! Brianna has a pair of jeans and some shirts that smell just like her, (teenage girls do something called "sharing clothes", but I don't understand that because dogs don't wear clothing or share.) But Leah smells just like another dog! Leah says that her dog's name is Maggie, and she's a Beagle. I can't wait to meet her, which Leah says I will someday!

We had a ton of fun! They walked me! And I got under their feet while they cleaned the bathroom! And then this morning I slept in the hallway while they stood in the bathroom and smeared stuff on each other's faces (which I totally do not understand.) I was just really happy to have a new friend. But it was sad because Leah left. She left!!! She and Brianna and Mom went out this afternoon and she didn't come back!!! I was horrified.

But I love new people friends!!! They always love me and I always love them!!!

Oh my milkbones!

Has it really been almost a month since I wrote a post?! I am so sorry!!! You see, I haven't had hardly any time because Brianna has been working me like... Well, a dog!

Besides frequent trips to the dog park, the occasional noxious bath, sometimes seeing a redhead or other such wonderful person, being outside on my line most the day and sleeping soundly on my pillows the rest of the time, I guess I haven't done a lot. But... Well, this is the interesting news.

You see, as I have said before, Mom and Brianna and even Dad have agreed I need obedience training or they're taking me back to the pound. (Brianna actually had a horrible nightmare about Mom and Dad taking me back to the pound. She freaked out about it for like, a whole day.) So now Mondays are... Painful, actually.

You see, my average Monday looks like this. I might go out on my line in the morning if I beg to go out long and hard enough. And then Mom and Brianna get ready to go. They get dressed and put on their shoes and it's not to take me for a walk! Then they take me outside and instruct me to find a spot and if I don't then they get upset, but then they take me back inside and put me in my crate and leave me!! They leave me all alone for the whole afternoon!!! Like, from noon to 4:30 or so. Now, I know that isn't really that bad. I've talked to dogs at the daycare that on the days they don't go to daycare they have to stay in their crate from early in the morning until night, or end up being cooped up in a little kitchen or something all day. But in my case it isn't fair!!! Mom and Brianna are home with me pretty much all day every day. It's not fair that I have to stay home alone on Mondays!!!

But what's even less fair is this. Awhile after they get home in the afternoons, sometimes Brianna takes me for a walk. And then awhile after that, a car or van comes up the driveway. A nice guy who never scratches my ears is driving and there isn't a crate in the back. And in the front seat is a teenage guy who has a little fluffy dog named Sable on his lap. Sable never wants to play with me, and Brianna and Brian (Brian is the teenage guy) don't let us play anyway. And I have to sit on the floor or the seat and not in a crate and ride in the car! Which would be a lot more fun if I didn't have my walking collar on for the whole afternoon! The really odd thing is that the car or van always sort of smells like Emerleh, and Emerleh always smells like Sable. I don't get how that works...

And then once the car stops and we all get out, we go into this giant room that has a lot of chairs on one side, almost like they're going up the wall in a slope, and a big empty place with a floor covered in sawdust. And there are dogs and dogs and dogs and more dogs all over the place!!! But Brianna yells at me when I bark, and I can't pull on my leash and she won't let me go play!!!! And I have to sit on the ground, surrounded by other dogs while Brianna tells me to do things that don't make sense and gives me inordinate amounts of treats!!! Besides the treats, I really don't like it!! There's this one lady who smells like at least three different dogs who talks to Brianna a lot and even she yells at me for barking. She accused me of having a "hissy fit" yesterday! I was preeety mad.

And I guess what you call all this is obedience training. I sure don't like it at the moment. But everyone tells Brianna that it will get better. I think the part I like best is sitting up in those chairs after we're all done and watching the drill team and agility team practice. I really want to do that. I really want to be on the agility team. But Brianna says I can't do it until I've mastered basic obedience. I also really want to do the drill team. They won first prize at the state fair this year for dog drill team. (I don't know what that means, all I know is that it must be something really important because everybody talks about it!)

Anyway, after that ordeal was over, we get back into the car and I still can't play with Sable! And then they drop us at home and nobody else is home (I still haven't figured out where Mom and Dad go on Monday nights, I know Jared is at work and Rory is hither and thither and wherever, but I can't figure out where Mom and Dad go. Some sort of "meeting" or something.) So Brianna takes the key on her necklace and unlocks the door and we go in and I eat a bowl of food and drink a lot of water and then find something to chew on and then nap until it's bedtime. But last night was different.

It's always really hot in the "livestock pavilion" as they call it. So when we got out it was really nice and cool. And then they dropped us off at home and the porch light was on and they drove away as Brianna was fishing around in her pocket. I didn't know why she wasn't reaching for the key around her neck. I sat, waiting for her to open the door. But she just looked at me and sighed, and then sat down on a chair on the porch. I couldn't understand what she was doing. I wanted to chase bugs but she made me lie down and stay. She yelled at me a lot then, actually, when I wouldn't lie down. Then she got so mad she bopped me on the nose and then I lied down.

It was getting cold out. I mean, I have a fur coat, but I knew Brianna was getting cold. And then she got up and I got up and she walked me around in the grass and then walked over to the blue van which was driveway. For some reason, my crate was still in it. (Mom and Brianna loaded up Mom's van with random stuff and took my crate out and put it in Dad's van and were gone all Saturday and Dad took me to the dog park and I don't know why they haven't moved it back yet.) She put me in the crate and took off the walking collar (thank goodness!) and then got in the front seat. She blew her nose and sighed. I listened to her shifting around and blowing her nose and sighing for awhile. She kept turning on and off the light and poking around in the glovebox. I think she was really bored or something. And then she turned off the light and started messing with the controls on the front seat. She moved it forward and tilted the seat back so she could lie down, and then she moved it back away and put the seat up and sat there, tapping her fingers on the steering wheel. She even honked the horn a couple times. And then she started crying.

I was really confused. What was going on?! Why didn't we just go inside?!

After awhile longer, headlights came up the driveway and Mom and Dad and Jared all pulled in. Brianna got out of the car.

"What are you doing?!" Mom cried, sort of shocked. Brianna slammed the door and threw open the back hatch. I stood up and she put my leash and walking collar back on me.

"How long have you been waiting out here?" Mom sighed as Brianna started going up the walk.

"Since eight-thirty!" she cried, and then burst into tears again.

Well, I couldn't understand why she was being so emotional. I jumped on her but that didn't really help, I guess, because she just yelled at me and dragged me inside. Then she avoided me for the rest of the night. Actually, she avoided everybody.

I don't understand people. They are so fickle. Their emotions are so random. They have such strange ideas.