Something's afoot.

Although if it happened to be multiple somethings, would that mean that somethings were afeet? Anyways, I know what's going on. It's almost Christmas. I know it's almost Christmas because it's been cold and snowy and Brianna's playing Christmas music. I also know that my Mom brought home a bag that simply reeked of tennis balls the other day, and they won't give any of them to me. I also know that my people took me on a walk where everything smelled very interesting and Dad lied down on the ground and knocked over a big tree and now that tree is standing in the living room. I'm contemplating drinking the water that it's standing in. There's also a lot of that crinkly paper laying about, and lots of lights strung up.

But you know what REALLY tells me it's Christmas? The food. There's so much food happening. Brianna's been using food like crazy. She stirs things up in bowls and pans and puts them in the big black box in the kitchen that's hot. She and Mom always tell me to get away because it's hot. Actually, she's been telling me to get away from her cooking a lot lately, although I'm not quite sure why... She could at least share some.

Mom was out today, and Brianna was cooking again. I was standing there, looking at her. She had just dropped a cookie on the floor, and I was hoping for another one, but she told me I'd gotten my treat and to go away, so I lied down next to the sink. She was washing dishes and the big metal bowl she mixes up stuff in but that looks a lot like a really large dog dish was sitting on the edge of the counter. It was empty, and she'd just finished putting the stuff in it on the big flat metal things. There wasn't much room on the counter, I guess, because of all the big flat metal things she had out. I'm not sure what was happening, because I was asleep, but I woke up when the very large dog dish bowl fell of the counter on top of my head. I ran away and hid in my box until Dad got home, even though she apologized profusely for it falling on me. I'm just confused.

Guess what?

Guess what I did today!! I went to the dog park! I ran and chased the ball and played with all my friends and made some new ones. They got a new water spout there and now there's actually stuff to drink, it's amazing.

And then we got home and THERE WAS A CAT IN THE YARD. THERE WAS THIS CAT IN THE YARD and Brianna opened up the car and I saw the cat and I barked and barked and barked and then Mom opened the door and grabbed my leash but I pulled the leash out of her hands and ran after the cat and they yelled and yelled and i lost track of the cat but I kept running around in circles in the yard anyway because it was fun! And then Brianna had a squeaky toy and called and squeaked the squeaky toy and I guess I fell for it (or maybe I'm just a good dog, but I guess we'll never know) so I ran over and she grabbed my leash and then gave me the squeaky toy.

My people had chicken for dinner.... Mmmm, chicken.... Dad put some chicken juice on my food and it was tasty but I wanted more chicken. I always want more chicken. So I tried to eat chicken bones out of the garbage. It might have gone better if Mom hadn't been standing right next to me. She bopped my nose and I slunk off, feeling rather sheepish. I suppose I should have been more sneaky. But I just wanted that chicken!

Today is a very special day!

Today was a very special day! Do you know why? DO YOU KNOW WHY TODAY WAS A VERY SPECIAL DAY?! BECAUSE I WENT TO THE DOG PARK WITH MOM AND DAD!!!!

But do you know why we went to the dog park? Because this is my one-year-anniversary! I've been a part of the family for exactly a year. I can't believe it! It doesn't feel like a year at all. I love my people. I love my people a lot. They're the best people, really.

Oh, guess what else! Mom got me Dentasticks yesterday! I love Dentasticks. I get them before bed and they're delicious. Oh, and I had to go to the vet last week. They stuck me with needle thingies and it was very unpleasant. They also clipped my nails, which was also very unpleasant. On the other hand, I ate half a bag of treats there. That part was quite pleasant.

Some days I just love being a dog. Actually, I ALWAYS love being a dog. It's THE BEST.

The Party!

There was a party here on Saturday! Like I said, there was a party! It was a big party. It wasn't the crazy kind of party, though. It was the family kind of party. There was Mom and Dad and Jared and Brianna and Rory and Kayley and Grandma and Aunt Denny and Keith and Dorothy! And me! I was the only dog, although Denny and Grandma always smell like another dog.... I really, really, really like Aunt Denny. Last time she was over, Dad scolded her for feeding me cookies under the table. I don't know why, I really liked it.....

I spent most the day on my line, which was ok, because everyone else spent it on the porch. They had all this delicious food. It was a picnic party, you see. I guess it was some kind of holiday. And they even put bacon grease on my dog food!! (BEST DOG FOOD EVER!!) Even Grandma gave me bits of cookie!

I heard everyone talking after they were done eating. I was still on my line. Brianna said to Denny "where are you going?" and she said "to pet the dog" and Rory said "why do you have a hot dog in your hand?" and Denny said "oh, it's just my hot dog, I'm going to eat it" and then Brianna scolded her and I'm not sure why but DENNY GAVE ME THE HOT DOG!!! THE WHOLE HOT DOG!!!!! Do you see why I just LOVE Denny?? But why was she lying? When she came back up on the porch, she announced to all and sundry that she had dropped her hotdog. Keith said "did it hit the ground?" and she said "nope". Boy but that hot dog was tasty. On the other hand, do you suppose eating hot dogs is wrong? Is that cannibalistic of me? I'm not sure I care...

But then I didn't have much fun after that. You see, Jared and Keith and Brianna and Rory stood in the driveway and they threw these things into the driveway and they would blow up! They shot off all this smoke and made this huge noise. I wanted to bark, but I ran and hid in the bushes on the side of the front yard. It was so scary, when Brianna came out with a leash to bring me in, I wouldn't come out of the bushes until she picked up my stick and held it out. Then she gave me a hug and I was scared and shaking all over and I didn't want to go near the big noise but she took me inside anyway and I hid under the desk. But then after Dad sat on the floor with me for awhile and then put me in my box where I was safe, I was ok.

Other than that, the day was amazing! OH BUT I JUST LOVE EVERYONE AND I LOVE SUMMER AND I LOVE THE WHOLE WORLD!!!!!!

oh no.

Oh no. I'd say I'm not a happy dog, but I really am a happy dog. And I'm not a very good liar. So I'll just say oh no.

You know, I was having a fantastic life. I haven't had a bath in like, a month, because Brianna keeps brushing me. I was with Judah and Gemini over the weekend. I've been to the dog park twice! And doggie daycare yesterday! Eeeeeelaina came over last week. And it was all going great! AND THEN MY PEOPLE WENT AND RUINED THAT.

You know, they fooled me. I was convinced, I tell you, I was CONVINCED that we were going to the dog park today when I got into the car. But you know where we came out? That really interesting smelly place where there are rabbits and squeaky toys and lots of crinkly bags that smell good! And I can't think of what it's called, oh, yes, the pet store. And you know what? They didn't even stop to peruse the squeaky toys and when I pressed my nose against the glass to watch a chinchilla, they told me no! And you know where they took me? To the back. To the funny room where they tied me up!! They tied me up and they had to have three ladies hold me down and they clipped my nails! And also cleaned my ears! AND THEY DIDN'T EVEN GIVE ME A TREAT. WHAT EVILNESS IS THIS?

I'm very good and disgruntled. And you know what I've always maintained. One should always keep their dog good and gruntled.

But I suppose I really can't complain because then they gave me a yummy treat and took me to the dog park. Other than today I've been having an excellent time tromping through fields on my line and barking at birds and playing with sticks and getting wet in the pool at the park and daycare and sleeping a lot. I'm awfully happy. Do you realize my people have had me for nearly a year? I can't believe it.

Speak?

Awhile back, Brianna stood in the kitchen with treats. I mean, the really good kind of treat. The meaty kind of treat. And she had the clicky thingie that she clicks when I did something right and she's going to give me a treat. (I kind of dropped out of dog club... Well, Brianna did. Supposedly because I was humiliating her, but I have no idea what she's talking about there. I think it was because she's had oodles (are oodles like poodles, only less fluffy?) of schoolwork to do, and a college math class with lots of homework. But that's my personal speculation.) Anyway. So she took that little box, you know the one I told you about a long time ago? She held it in one hand with the treat and clicky thing in the other, and then kept saying "speak!" and then she would push a button and it would bark.

I just looked at her. I knew she'd gone utterly crazy, finally. When it gets sunnier out, her hair gets more red. Therefore, she also gets crazier. She's just a little auburn, so she will never be a true redhead, for which I am sad. But redheads are a rare race and if you have one, you can consider yourself lucky. Anyhow, she kept making the box bark. I don't know what she was trying to accomplish. I finally got disgruntled enough that I yipped.

She clicked! I got the treat! She said "good speak!" and we kept doing this, over and over again, over the course of two days. I still don't understand why she wants me to bark, she scolds me for barking at the neighbors. But I guess this is different? So that is the story of how I learned to speak. Sit and Lie Down and Shake and High Five and Roll Over and Dance and Spin and Turn all have very boring explanations. So this is your interesting explanation of what it's like to be a dog. Whoever said "it's a dog's life" had absolutely no idea. NO idea. Absolutely NO idea.

Oh dear. Oh dear.

OH DEER!!!! CAN I CHASE ONE NOW?!?!?! No?! Then why did you bring it up?! Oh wait... I brought it up. DEER!!!!! I LOVE DEER!!!!!!

Getting back to the point... Did I have a point? I haven't posted in so long I've forgotten how! Well, it's been very busy around here with these "holiday" things. I guess the most important thing to tell you is that I GOT A TON OF TREATS AND THERE HAVE BEEN KAYLEES AND REDHEADS AND EMERLEHS AND LEAHS RUNNING RAMPANT AND THE HOUSE GOT CLEANED AND THERE WAS A TREE (a tree??) SET UP IN THE LIVING ROOOM (we went out and tromped through mud and chopped it down and then they stuck it in the living room?) AND THERE WAS LOTS OF FOOD AND THAT FURRY JINGLY THING MOM GOT ME?! WELL IT WAS STUFFED WITH TREATS AND SQUEAKY THINGS!!!!!! I guess... Hmm. Well, I guess I'll just post some pictures! I love pictures!

Yes. She seriously put a bow on me. Thank goodness she forgot about the reindeer costume!!!

Nobody will admit to doing this.

So here's a rather late Merry Christmas to you! Oh, and a Happy New Year, too, whatever that means. All I know about the New Year is that that's when Emerleh and Eeeeelaina showed up and we went down to the dog park but it was really dark and there were no other dogs there and they started whooping and hollering "happy New Year". It really made no sense, even after thinking about for a couple days? Can anybody enlighten me?

MERREH CHRISTMAS!!! HAPPEH NEW YEAARR!!!!!

On the other hand...

There ARE downsides to having a forever family, I suppose. Brianna is threatening to put a bow on my collar. But that's not all! She's talking about dressing me up as a reindeer! Now, I didn't know what that was, but I googled it and I know I do NOT want to be dressed up as one!!!

On the other hand, they feed me and give me treats and I have comfy pillows and a warm, cozy box, and a line that I can stay out on and tromp through the flowerbeds and bark at things on. And they take me to the dog park and give me bacon cheese strips sometimes. And they take me for walks and play games with me. And they won't let me on the furniture, and they do yell at me a lot to get out of the garbage, but I guess the good things outweigh the bad parts.

But really. Seriously? A reindeer?! What is she THINKING?! I'm a DOG for heaven's sakes!!!

A thingy!

Mom and Brianna brought me home a thingy! I don't know what it is, but it looks furry and it makes a jingly noise and I KNOW it's mine because it looks a little like my rabbit but not really anything like it. In any case, they won't let me play with it, and I don't know why, because it's obviously mine!

Mom says it's something called a "stocking". But I don't know what that means? She says it will be filled with goodies and treats, but why won't she just give it to me?? It looks fun! I would post a picture, but Mom hid it somewhere in her bedroom, and I'm not allowed in there. =(

I think it has something to do with this Christmas thing. I've heard tell of something else unusual pertaining to this alleged holiday. (I have a great vocabulary for a puppy, don't I?) It's called Santa Claws and I don't get it. He supposedly gives toys and treats to good children and puppies on this day called Christmas. My people keep saying how silly it is that people believe in him because he isn't real. But if he isn't real then why do people talk about him?

On the other hand, he CAN'T be real. After all, why is he known for his claws? That doesn't seem very nice. They could have named him after his ears or tail or nose or even his paws, but his claws? How does that make sense? So I don't believe in him, whoever he may be.

My Christmas List!

Here is my Christmas list! It's kind of long... I am a very deprived puppy. And hey, Brianna put a diamond ring (or something like that) on her list, so why can't I put whatever I want on my list?

• Pink tennis balls! Green gets really boring.
• A big fluffy dog bed, like a really big one that's really fluffy. Not that I need another one...
• A RABBIT!!!
• A SQUIRREL!!!
• A DEER!!!
• A CAT!!!
• A BIRD!!!!!
• THE CHANCE TO RUN THROUGH THE WOOD FOREVER!!!!!!
• A buddy. Like, a four-legged furry one that barks and lives with me.
• A bright pink bandanna to match my bright pink collar. (well, Brianna wants to get me one of those, anyway.)
• FOOD. ALL THE FOOD. PEOPLE FOOD.
• Peanutbutter.
• Bacon cheese strips!!!
• A new stuffed rabbit. Mine met a disturbing end. I shall write about that later....
• A SQUEEEEEKY THING!!!!
• SQUEEKY TENNIS BALLS
• A redhead. To live with me. I miss them. =(
• A new leash! A pretty leash! A stylish leash!
• A sweater. (actually, I don't want one of those. My people are just threatening to buy me one for really cold days.)
• Rope toys! Preferably the preferable ones!
• License to jump on people.
• To be allowed to go through the garbage.
• Unlimited time at the dog park.
• Rawhide.
• To bark at things whenever I want. (My people are complaining I'm becoming too "barky". Stupid idea, barking is fun! Maybe I just get tired of not saying anything!)
• Those chewy bone thingies Mom bought me once. But only once. And they were really delicious.
• No more baths. Ever.
• Love. Lots and lots of love. <3

That's all I can think of right now! If I remember anything else, I shall add it. Now I'm off to go bark at nothing in particular.

THIS WAS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE!!!!!!!

I THINK THIS WAS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE!!!!!!!!!! It was something called a "holiday" but I don't know what that means.

They put me out on my lines a few times for a little while, and it was cold and snowy and wonderful out there! I don't know why, but my people have been cooking. All day. And there is a LOT of food! And they gave me some of it!!! They put squash in my food and Brianna let me lick off a greasy paper plate with sausage and I got MEAT!!!!! TURKEY MEAT!!!!!! And a lot of it, too! It was seriously the best day of my life. Especially because Kayley came over for awhile! And because there was FOOD!!!!!!!! THERE WAS FOOD!!!!!!!!!! LOTS AND LOTS AND LOTS OF FOOD!!!!!!

And so then after eating all that food, Mom and Dad and Brianna and Jared watched a movie about lots of ladies wearing a lot of funny hats and I slept on my pillow. It was seriously amazing.

Monday. Monday monday monday.

Well this Monday 4H got canceled AGAIN. I'm really starting to miss all the treats. So I stayed in my crate at home all day. No dog park. What is wrong with my people?! :(

And Dad STILL isn't home yet!!! I'm freaking out, where IS he?! Did he leave me?! FOREVER?!?!?! Does he still love me?! What did I do to make him leave?! I'm so scared. :(((

Bacon? Cheese? Did somebody say bacon cheese?!

Brianna was listening to the CRAZIEST song earlier. It went like this:

"Bacon, bacon, bacon oh, like bacon, bacon, bacon, noooooo, I thought you'd always be mine."

It was depressing. The mere thought that bacon might not always be mine?! That's horrible. Also, what normal human would write a song about bacon? Just wondering...

It's also ridiculous. Because MOM JUST BOUGHT MORE BACON CHEESE STRIPS!!!!!!!!!!! She said they were having a sale and she got another whole bag of them!!!!! I'm SOOO HAPPY!!!!! AAAGGGG BACON!!!!!!!!!!!

And they wonder why I bark when I'm out on my line. Because I'm filled with joyous anticipation at the thought of BACON!!!!!! (I also just rythmed. Which, for a dog, I think is quite impressive. Don't mind that I can't spell rithymed. I know it has a Y in it, and starts with an R, but I can't quite figure it out... It's too much like rithum. You know what I mean?)

BACON BACON BACON BACON HOW I LOVE THEE!!!!!!!!!

Also today I had a lot of excitement....! I got to ride in the car! And when Dad got me out, there was Kayley! And her sister, Nicci, who is just as much fun as Kayley! And they petted me and loved me! And I loved them!

I love Kayley. She's shorter than Brianna and Rory's age. She's Rory's friend. What makes me sad is when she stops by some nights and only stays for five minutes before leaving! Seriously, you can't even begin to play with a puppy in five minutes!!! SOMEBODY needs to tell her that!!! But when I bark at her and try to tell her, everyone just gets mad at me, which is not fair. How else am I supposed to let people know what I mean?!

The weirdest thing happened last night!

I was napping on my pile of pillows, right? Mom was sleeping in her big blue chair and Dad and Brianna were watching a movie. When I woke up, Brianna was grabbing my collar and leading me into my crate. Well, that good and woke me up! Why wasn't she putting me on my leash and taking me outside before putting me in my crate? This was weird.

And then she grabbed my jar of treats and leash and walked outside. She grabbed my jar of treats and my leash went outside! Without me! And then after awhile Dad came in. He had my other crate and he put it in the den. And then Brianna came back in and... I swear, she had another dog with her. She put the other dog into my spare crate and then Dad went back outside. I started whining and clawing at the door of my crate because I wanted to go play!!! So Brianna shut the doors to the den. I was horrified. What could be going on?!

Brianna went back out and then came back in a few minutes later with a strange guy, who picked up the other dog and took her out. And then she and Dad came back out and Mom reappeared and they let me out.

Well, I practically had a heart attack!!! My crate smelled like this other dog!!! It was definitely a bulldog of some kind... And it was a girl. And I was upset that I didn't get to meet her. I went into "power snurf mode" as my people call it.

SUPPOSEDLY Dad and Brianna heard this dog scratching at the door so they went out and it ran away and hid and they coaxed it out with treats and put it on my leash and then into my crate and then Dad went over to the neighbors and the neighbors were dogsitting and the dog got away so they came and got the dog who's name was SUPPOSEDLY Alaska. But I think that Brianna and Dad were cheating on me and they suddenly realized they were going to be in trouble so they went and got the neighbors to take the other dog for them. I think they don't love me anymore. =(

My one consolation is that they didn't give away the last of my bacon cheese strips. It was just my milkbones and training treats, thank goodness!

I think I know what it's like to love.

Today was doggie daycare! And after sitting here thinking for a long time, I figured something out. So here's what I figured out. 

I love being in the center of the pack. I love being the alpha dog. I love leading. I love it. I love running with other dogs. I love being a dog. I love being a popular dog. I love getting walks. I love it. Did I mention that I love loving things??

I love being loved. I love it when Brianna scratches my ears and gives me tummy rubs. I love it when Mom and Dad scratch my ears and give me tummy rubs. I love my tennis balls and I love it when people throw them. I love playing tug-of-war. I love it when I get bacon cheese strips. And peanutbutter. And cheese. And even just milkbones. And I love chewing rawhide and I love chewing my bones and I just love chewing.

I love chasing bugs. I love chasing rabbits. I love chasing cars. I love chasing tennis balls. I love chasing Brianna. I love chasing frogs and toads. I love chasing my tail. 

I love doggie day care. I love the park. I love playing in the park and playing at doggie day care. I love playing with dog friends. I love people friends. I love playing with people friends, like Eeeelaina and Sarah and Emerleh and Rachel. (I love redheads, too, actually. I just think they're weird.) I love coming home from a long day of playing with friends and always having Brianna and Mom and Dad to pet me and love me.

I love it when I get people food in my kibble. I love it when my people play with me. I love it when they tell me they love me and that I'm a silly dog. I love it when they take out my tennis balls and ropes and play with me. I love it when they give me a rawhide or a bone or even an ice cube. I love having people who love me. I love having a home. I love being loved. 

I love knowing that if I ever run away into the woods again, they'll still be there, calling my name. I love knowing that even if they give me baths they still love me. I love being their dog. I love them being my people. I love it when they take me for walks. I love it when Mom and Brianna come into doggie daycare to pick me up and I'm just soooo happy to see them!!! I love how my people never forget me.

I love how I don't need Captain or Deuce to make me happy. I love how I can be single. I love how I can be independent and I don't need to live for anyone else. I love being single. Relationships are often disastrous.

I love wogging. I love emailing with Sammy. I love checking my wog and seeing if anyone has read it. I love writing new posts, even though typing with paws is really hard.

I love being happy. I love being a dog.