On the other hand...

There ARE downsides to having a forever family, I suppose. Brianna is threatening to put a bow on my collar. But that's not all! She's talking about dressing me up as a reindeer! Now, I didn't know what that was, but I googled it and I know I do NOT want to be dressed up as one!!!

On the other hand, they feed me and give me treats and I have comfy pillows and a warm, cozy box, and a line that I can stay out on and tromp through the flowerbeds and bark at things on. And they take me to the dog park and give me bacon cheese strips sometimes. And they take me for walks and play games with me. And they won't let me on the furniture, and they do yell at me a lot to get out of the garbage, but I guess the good things outweigh the bad parts.

But really. Seriously? A reindeer?! What is she THINKING?! I'm a DOG for heaven's sakes!!!

Bacon? Cheese? Did somebody say bacon cheese?!

Brianna was listening to the CRAZIEST song earlier. It went like this:

"Bacon, bacon, bacon oh, like bacon, bacon, bacon, noooooo, I thought you'd always be mine."

It was depressing. The mere thought that bacon might not always be mine?! That's horrible. Also, what normal human would write a song about bacon? Just wondering...

It's also ridiculous. Because MOM JUST BOUGHT MORE BACON CHEESE STRIPS!!!!!!!!!!! She said they were having a sale and she got another whole bag of them!!!!! I'm SOOO HAPPY!!!!! AAAGGGG BACON!!!!!!!!!!!

And they wonder why I bark when I'm out on my line. Because I'm filled with joyous anticipation at the thought of BACON!!!!!! (I also just rythmed. Which, for a dog, I think is quite impressive. Don't mind that I can't spell rithymed. I know it has a Y in it, and starts with an R, but I can't quite figure it out... It's too much like rithum. You know what I mean?)

BACON BACON BACON BACON HOW I LOVE THEE!!!!!!!!!

Also today I had a lot of excitement....! I got to ride in the car! And when Dad got me out, there was Kayley! And her sister, Nicci, who is just as much fun as Kayley! And they petted me and loved me! And I loved them!

I love Kayley. She's shorter than Brianna and Rory's age. She's Rory's friend. What makes me sad is when she stops by some nights and only stays for five minutes before leaving! Seriously, you can't even begin to play with a puppy in five minutes!!! SOMEBODY needs to tell her that!!! But when I bark at her and try to tell her, everyone just gets mad at me, which is not fair. How else am I supposed to let people know what I mean?!

The weirdest thing happened last night!

I was napping on my pile of pillows, right? Mom was sleeping in her big blue chair and Dad and Brianna were watching a movie. When I woke up, Brianna was grabbing my collar and leading me into my crate. Well, that good and woke me up! Why wasn't she putting me on my leash and taking me outside before putting me in my crate? This was weird.

And then she grabbed my jar of treats and leash and walked outside. She grabbed my jar of treats and my leash went outside! Without me! And then after awhile Dad came in. He had my other crate and he put it in the den. And then Brianna came back in and... I swear, she had another dog with her. She put the other dog into my spare crate and then Dad went back outside. I started whining and clawing at the door of my crate because I wanted to go play!!! So Brianna shut the doors to the den. I was horrified. What could be going on?!

Brianna went back out and then came back in a few minutes later with a strange guy, who picked up the other dog and took her out. And then she and Dad came back out and Mom reappeared and they let me out.

Well, I practically had a heart attack!!! My crate smelled like this other dog!!! It was definitely a bulldog of some kind... And it was a girl. And I was upset that I didn't get to meet her. I went into "power snurf mode" as my people call it.

SUPPOSEDLY Dad and Brianna heard this dog scratching at the door so they went out and it ran away and hid and they coaxed it out with treats and put it on my leash and then into my crate and then Dad went over to the neighbors and the neighbors were dogsitting and the dog got away so they came and got the dog who's name was SUPPOSEDLY Alaska. But I think that Brianna and Dad were cheating on me and they suddenly realized they were going to be in trouble so they went and got the neighbors to take the other dog for them. I think they don't love me anymore. =(

My one consolation is that they didn't give away the last of my bacon cheese strips. It was just my milkbones and training treats, thank goodness!

Peopleh have strange ideas about grammareh.

I am not quite sure what's up with the eh on the end of things... But that's how Brianna does it! She says "puppyeh" and "doggyeh" and Emerleh (which isn't actually her name, but I don't remember what her name is, but a couple redheads started and Brianna picked up) and all sorts of other weird things... She also calls Eeeeeelaina "EEELOINA" and then Eeeeelaina gets all mad at Brianna and yells "DON'T CALL ME EEELOINA, BREEONA!" and then Brianna gets mad at her for calling her "BREEONA". But they have an agreement. If Brianna calls her "EEELOINA" then Eeeeelaina can call her "BREEONA". I don't get it... Brianna also says things like "I wuvs chu" and "I ish sowwy". I'm pretty sure she learned all that from a redhead. Or more than one.

Not to say I don't like redheads. I mean, I think I probably put them in a negative light sometimes. But I really do love redheads! They're not angry or twitty like brunettes. *looks at Brianna* I mean, I've really never met a redhead I didn't like! They're funny and energetic and thoughtful and creative people! Not to mention it's hard to find a true redhead like Eeeelaina or Rachel. There are a lot of dyed redheads out there nowadays and its sad. I hate posers. And redheaded posers are the worst. They pretend to be a redhead but it's easy to see through that guise and you can tell that underneath they are just dirty blondes or brunettes trying to have a redhead nature and failing miserably. People like that ought to get professional help and see a therapist. Also dye their hair back to their original color. Because once a redhead, always a redhead. And once a not-redhead, never a redhead.

Anyways... I really do love redheads. They always make me so happy because they are so happy to see me! Even when they're half asleep they still have (actually, especially have) effervescent personalities. (I don't know what that word means, and Mom always tells Brianna not to use a word if she doesn't know what it means, but Brianna called me it so it must be complimentary.) So yeeeah...

There's a "dog grooming" place in the mall. I put it in quotes because I looked at their flyer and I'm pretty sure they're for miniature poodles. They do facials and spa treatments and of course, hair cuts and baths and nail clipping. *shudder* They can also condition your fur and paint your toenails and dye your fur and then they give you a complementary bow or bandana. And it's all very overpriced and their flyer had so many typos and misspellings and capitalization errors and inconsistency it wasn't even funny. First of all, Brianna says that if they can't even get their flyer right, she's not intrusting her dog to them. "They're running a business. That is unprofessional and irresponsible. If they can't even spell the name of the road they're located on right, or at least use spellchecker, what does that say about them as a business? That they're lazy and my dog won't be well-groomed." Mom scolded her for making snap judgements about people because of their grammar and spelling, but I think she secretly agrees with her... Mom and Brianna are both spelling and grammar nuts. I am a well-raised dog.

But on a more practical level, I would not go there for all the bacon cheese strips in the world. What self-respecting dog would let someone give them a facial?! Why on earth does my fur need conditioning?! It's not long and within two days they'll just say I need another bath, anyway! But if I wasn't so adamantly apposed to the idea, also to the idea of redhead posers, I would totally agree to having my fur dyed red.....

Speaking of bacon cheese strips, I think we're out. ='(

So I'm very proud of myself.

We went to the dog park the other day. And I got in the water! I got all the way in! Brianna took a picture! I got ALL THE WAY INTO THE WATER!!!!! And then I rolled in the dirt!!! And then I hopped into the bathtub for my bath! Dad didn't even have to pick me up! I'm just really proud of myself! I don't hate water so much anymore! I don't know why!

On the other hand, I'm very sad. I think my ears are ugly. They're just not right. The edges are a dark brown, like all the dirt on my head washed down on the edges. They make my face look weird. And my nose is too long. I hate it.

I'm still trying to decide about my tail. I can't see it very well. And when I manage to catch it, I still have problems because I still can't see it and it always gets away. I don't think that's normal. So I don't like it, I guess.

Um. So yeah. I've decided... Well, IDK. I got on the doggie day care facebook, looking at all their photos, trying to find me and my friends. I found some and now I suddenly feel unsure. This one is of Captain and Deuce. Captain is the brown, fluffy one. Deuce is the smaller one.

This one is of me with Deuce.

I just... I don't know. Captain doesn't like me, I'm sure. But I don't know if Deuce likes me, either!!! I'm so torn!!! Why can't I just stop worrying about it?! I just want a dog to love me!!!

This is all just very confusing. My mind can't handle it. I need sleep. And a bacon cheese-strip.

Hashtags

What is the point of a hashtag? Why is a little box made of lines called a hashtag? Hash is delicious meat -- not that I've ever had it, but I've smelled it. Trust me, its delicious. And tags are the clinky things on my collar. So when you put them together, you should get my I.D. covered in delicious meat. But you get a funny symbol that is, according to Brianna, supposed to go with numbers. It goes in front of words and phrases that are all lowercase and smushed together?? Why??? What does it mean?!

Ok, so I just Googled it. I guess it's supposed to show how you feel and everything, fast. But its just weird...

People, hello! Get a life and start listening to dogs! If you listened to us brilliant canines, you wouldn't make up bizarre things that make no sense, like hashtags! You would make up more hash!!! And give us more tennis balls and peanut butter!!! And BACON CHEESE STRIPS. I haven't had a bacon cheese strip in over a week!!! I'm freaking out!!!! I want one so bad, they're sitting up on top of the fridge and I think they totally forgot about them!!!

So hashtags are dumb and I won't use them. Ever. Only dumb humans use hashtags. On the other hand, hash IS delicious. Maybe I'll start using hashtags. Just because I like the idea of hash. And my tags. Mmmmmmm yum.

Why?

Why do people think I'm stupid? Why do they talk to me like I'm dumb? Never mind, I love it when they talk to me like that, but why do they do it?!

Like when I'm just lying on the floor and Brianna looks over and goes "WOOF WOOF WOOF!" She sounds so stupid when she does it. When I bark, I do not sound stupid. She just does not have that charm of a canine. She's a person. She simply has no class. Dad sounds even dumber when he does it.

And then there's the nickname thing again. I know they do it because they love me, but seriously?! My name is not Carlykins or Carlybob. Or El Doggo. Or Snurf-dog. Or any of the other dumb things they call me. My name is Carly! They've even started calling me Wigglebutt! That's just outrageous!!! I cannot BELIEVE these people!!! Bonquiqui was bad enough, but Wigglebutt?! Can I trade them in on some bacon cheese strips??

Speaking of bacon cheese strips, I love them. Like, I LOVE them. Forget Klondike bars, I'd do anything for a bacon cheese strip! Even roll over on my back and wave my legs around in the air until they tell me to roll all the way over and then I do it or else they won't give me the bacon cheese strip. It's really annoying. I find it very degrading to be told to roll over in circles, even for a bacon cheese strip. Like, I love bacon cheese strips so much I WOULD roll over for them, but seriously, WHY do I need to roll over for them?? Why can't they just give me a bacon cheese strip because they love me?? I'm so confused. Do they really love me if I have to work just to get a quarter of a bacon cheese strip? Is it really worth it? Or should I sacrifice the bacon cheese strips and stand up for my rights? It's so complicated. I just don't know. Anybody got any suggestions?

More about blogs.

You know how before I said it would be a good idea to change "blog" to "wog"? Well, I decided that's an even better idea than I thought at first. You know why?

Wog sounds like wag!

Things that make me happy make me wag my tail. Things that make me happy make me write my blog. It makes sense!

I really do wag my tail, by the way. My people claim I wag my whole butt, but that is not true. I don't wag my butt, I wag my tail and it just sort of... carries down! (I wish they'd stop calling me Wigglebutt. That's how Brianna greeted me this morning. She was upset when I came in and jumped on her bed and stuck my nose in her face. And then when I got off her bed, she was upset when I started barking at her because I wanted to play. Actually, I wanted my morning dose of cheese.) So, all and all, it should be called a wog.

Better yet, what if it wasn't a web-log, what if it was a wag-log? Like a log of all the times I wagged my tail? Oh wait, never mind, I'd be posting about two million times a day. So nix that idea. But naming it wog would still be a good idea. In fact... It is a good idea! I think I'll call my blog a wog!

I'm kinda bored right now. I think I'll go bark until I get a bacon cheese strip.