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Thursday, September 19, 2013

Dad

I love Dad. I mean, I really love Dad. I love Brianna and Mom and all my other people, but I really love Dad. I won't say I love him the best, but I sort of do sometimes... He sits on the floor with me and plays with me when he gets home from work at night. He plays tug-of-war with me. He throws my balls and ropes for me. And he doesn't yell at me when I jump on him, so I jump on him all the time. He also puts people food in my bowl more than Mom and Brianna. And he lets me pull on my leash and snurf as much as I want. I just really love Dad.

Maybe it was because he was the one that picked me up and shoved me into the crate in the back of the car when they brought me home. Or maybe it's cause he's gone all day and "absence makes the heart grow fonder". But all I know is I've loved him ever since he first walked into my kennel at the pound and sat on the floor with me. That was a long time ago, too.

Tuesday, September 17, 2013

I'd like to say something. Just one thing before I get any further into this post.

People are weird. And redheads are weirdest.

Eeeeelaina came over this weekend, she was here all Sunday and Monday morning. And then Mom and Brianna and Eeeeeeelaina left and she didn't come back. :( She's just the weirdest person I think I've ever met. Like on Sunday, she and Brianna decided that they should start calling me The White Death. So that's what they've been calling me. They decided I was a super-villain. On the other hand, maybe that's not a bad idea. Maybe I should really become a super-villain......

And take yesterday. Actually, Sunday, too. Brianna and Eeeeeeelaina took me for walks both days, and both days Eeeeeelaina decided that it would be a great idea to pretend to be something called a "juveenille deelinkwent". (I'm pretty sure that's spelled wrong, sorry.) I have no idea what that is. All I know is that there's this one house that's like, four times the size of my house, with a huge garage and a pool and dirt bikes and a pond and a long, paved driveway, and Eeeeeeeelaina decided the best thing to do would be to take a nap in the driveway. So she lied down on the side of the end of the driveway and I (seeing as Brianna put the walking collar on me) decided this was the perfect time to get it off! Brianna laughed her head off and Eeeeelaina was most upset when I stuck my nose in her armpit.

Then that redhead had the audacity to try and make me heel! She didn't give me hardly any leash and told me to heel, over and over again, and kept scolding me for pulling!!! I was so angry I sat right down and refused to move. However, I love her and she loves me and I got over it quickly. She always smells really interesting... Like other dogs and cats and birds and purfume and dirt and paint and things.

This redheaded business is just weird. Here's a picture of me with the "juveenille deelinkwent".



And this is me and Brianna. Kind of unflattering, actually. Brianna's elbow is not actually that big.



Oh, and this is my gorgeous tail.



Monday, September 16, 2013

I'M ALL ALONE!

A few days ago, most of my family left! They haven't come back either! Layna was the only one who stayed with me... But yesterday morning she left too! I knew something was afoot the moment she got up, (she hardly every wakes up in the MORNING) and then she packed her yellow backpack up, I wasn't too worried, in fact, i was blissfully happy for a little while. See Layna some times puts stuff in that backpack, and then I believe she goes into the woods by our house (that I'm not allowed to in) and comes back with these mini pears in her pack that she give to the other kids and she smells so interesting when she gets back, like the forest and cats (CATS!) and other animals and dirt... ahhhhhh dirt...
But I'm starting to loose the basic point. SHE LEFT AND SHE HASN'T COME ALL NIGHT AND I'M VERY CONCERNED SHE MAY BE SEEING OTHER DOGS ON THE SIDE! Like the day BEFORE yesterday when she came home smelling like a black lab puppy. What's happening? Is she getting tired of me? Did she abandon me? The lady who lives on the other side of the house has been letting me and the other dog out, and she gives us a pat on the head now and again... BUT I WANT LAYNA AND THE FAMILY TO COME HOME! I even miss Jesse grabbing my face and telling me "Your so caaaayyyyuuuuttteeee DOG-ALERRR!" If they all just come home I wont be angry!




If you see a red headed girl in black sneekers that smell like a black lab puppy, who answers to Layna and has an inexplicable attraction to acrylic paints (if you don't now what those are, they smell TERRIBLE!) and notebooks, and pens, and sketch books, and books, and tools, and Zelda, and quotes starwars... THEN PLEASE JUMP HER AND PUT A LEASH ON HER AND CONTACT ME IMMEDIATELY!

Saturday, September 14, 2013

I wish dogs could really cry. Like with tears.

I went to the dog park today. That was really fun. I played with a dog named Jake and a dog named Eloise! That was really fun! I got all dirty and it was WONDERFUL. I ran and ran and RAN AND RAN!!!! The afternoon went by so FAST!!!!

The only problem was, like I said, I got dirty. Well, that wasn't a problem. The problem was that they decided I needed a bath. But that wasn't the whole problem. The biggest part of the problem was that they decided they don't like my feet. They decided that my toenails weren't right. They decided they were too long. So they decided to clip them.

It. Was. AWFUL. I'm not kidding, it was horrible!!! Brianna did my back feet while Dad held me still, and that was bad, but not as bad as when Dad did my front paws. He clipped one too close and I yelped and it started bleeding and I hid in my crate and cried.

That was when they decided to give me the bath. That was ok, I guess. I had an accident on the floor after that. I felt really bad, but then Dad walked out into the living room and said: "Carly, did you do this?" and so I ran and hid in my crate. He's mad at me, I know it, he's mad at me. So is Brianna, that's why they clipped my toenails. I think even Mom must be mad at me, she dragged me out of my crate and put a pillow in there for me, and then put a blanket over it. But she MADE me get OUT. And Brianna took off my collar for the night. I feel so naked, like they abandoned me. I think they don't love me anymore and they're going to take me back to the pound. ='(

Monday, September 9, 2013

There are a lot of things to think about when you're a dog.

Like why do birds fly? How does that work? Why can't I fly? It's not really very fair, is it? Why can't I sit on chairs and beds like people? Why can't I run like a rabbit? Why do I have a tail? Why do rabbits have tails?? Why don't people have tails?

Why are people like they are? Why are dogs like they are? Why aren't people like dogs and dogs like people? What makes one the other and other the one? Why am I not a person? Why is Brianna not a dog? Why do people have strange ideas? Why do Brianna's pants end up smelling like other dogs?

Why am I the only white dog at the dog park? Why am I the only one with a heart tag? Why am I not fluffy like other dogs? Why do neither Captain or Deuce really like me? Why can't I get a soulmate? Am I really lovable? Or am I just "overbearing"?

Why are redheads weird? Why is Eeeeeeelaina the weirdest? Why are she and Emerleh fun? Why does Sarah never seem excited to see me? Aren't I just the greatest dog in the world? And WHY does Sarah ALWAYS smell like cats?? That really bugs me!!! I want the cat she always smells like!!! I want to roll it in bacon and cheese and give it to Sammy!!!

Sunday, September 8, 2013

So exciting!

Emerleh and Brianna took me to the dog park today! I played for like, half an hour, which was really stupid, 'cause it should've been like, four times that. And then they took me for a good long walk and put me in the car while they went to something called a "picnic". I don't know what that is, all I know is that there were lots of people and people food and they wouldn't let me have any, but I said hi to a couple people and they loved me! Especially this one lady who was really nice and smelled like dogs and was really friendly and called Brianna "honey". (Makes me wonder how she knows her... But if somebody tried to explain it to me, I don't know if I'd get it, because it's probably some weird people association or something.)

But the BEST part of today, the BEST BEST BEST part was when Brianna was walking me and talking to people and one lady asked "is this THEE eleven-dollar dog?" I was SO HAPPY!!!! This lady has been reading my wog!!! I'm not sure how she found out about it (also what Brianna said) but my life has been made worthwhile. (As long as Mom and Dad and Brianna don't find out I'm a wogger, I'll be ok. If they find out, I think I might be in trouble for being so smart.)

So I am a KNOWN WOGGER!!!! HOORAY!!!!!!!!

Saturday, September 7, 2013

Whoop whoop weekend!

SATURDAY!!!

If I could sing, I would. Unfortunately, dogs don't have the right vocal chords for that. At least, that's what Mom says. :(

I was tired today. So I slept. And slept. And slept. All day long. My people were really surprised. But three days of playing hard does that to a dog!

Dogs are so lucky! Like, people have to go all the way to their bedrooms, brush their teeth and put on pajamas before they can sleep. That's sad. Dogs can just flop over on the floor or on the couch (well, not me, I'm not allowed on the couch because they claim 45 pounds is too big for a lapdog) or run into their crate and sleep. We are the luckiest race on earth. (Plus, we've already got one over on humans because we have TWICE as many legs as them. AND tails!!! You seriously can't beat that, especially the tail.)

Friday, September 6, 2013

TO THE DAYCARE!!!!!

There were weird people on top of the house this morning. They all wore big funny hats and had a big truck and made a lot of noise, so I barked! Since I didn't want to shut up, Mom took me to doggie daycare. It was fuunnn! It was a nice, sunny day today and so we all romped and played. Like, I was tired from yesterday, but that didn't stop me from playing!

It was a little awkward, though. Since I usually go to daycare on Thursdays, I play with Thursday dogs, like Captain and Keera and Deuce. But today was Friday, so. I didn't really know anyone. I think they all thought I was weird.

I love doggie daycare, though, because my leash is at home and I can do whatever I want until 4p.m. naptime. And then I get a treat!

But it's a dog's life, for sure. Since I'd played hard for three days, my people claimed I was "dirty". I do not understand this concept of dirt. A dog is a dog. Dirt is not a relevant factor. So I was sleeping on my rug in the living room tonight, all curled up in a ball while Mom read a book to Brianna. And then Brianna got up and said "come on, Carly!" And I woke up and blinked at her because I was really tired.

Then Dad came out of the bathroom, and I knew. I just knew. So I stood up and Brianna reached for my collar, but I ran into the kitchen and hid in my box. Then all my people came out and started laughing (I'm not sure why). And then, of all the blatantly rude things to do, Dad reached into my box and pulled me out!!! And then he carried me like I was some kind of puppy into the bathroom!!! I was furious!!! Going and pulling your dog out of their crate is not a nice thing to do.

And so I got a bath. *growl snarl* I got covered in that icky vanilla oatmeal stuff and then rinsed. My one consolation is that they only shampooed me once so I still smell kinda doggie. And they washed my bedding yesterday, so it wasn't too bad. But STILL. BATHS. UGGGG.

Thursday, September 5, 2013

I got away without a bath today!!!

I went to doggie daycare and got totally filthy! It was wonderful. All I could think about was how good it felt to run and jump and play ALL DAY LONG. I was soooo tired at the end of the day. I'm almost totally zonked out right now.

But you know what's even better?! I heard Mom say something about how I was going back again tomorrow!!! There's something weird going on, though. There was all this weird stuff in the yard, like boards and shiny sheets of things and a big square thing and I don't know why. Mom said something about "roofers". But what's a "roofer"? That sounds kind of like "woofer". I wonder why they don't want me around. It sounds exciting!

On the other hand, I really don't mind going to daycare again tomorrow... ;)

Wednesday, September 4, 2013

RUNNNNIIINNNNGGGGGG!

TODAY I GOT OUT TWICE AND CHASED CATS AND CHICKENS AND RAN EVERYWHERE THEY NEVER LET ME GO!

On the down side... I hurt my paw, and Layna put this gunky goo on it, and it's really smelly.

BUT I WAS FREE FOR A LONG TIME! I first got out in the morning when I carefully shoved my head through the brown door while they were opening the red one, and struggle as hard and as fast as I could, and BAM I was home free! Johnny didn't like me running around, he was very mad and he yelled at me, but Layna didn't like him yelling I guess, so she told him to stop, and was very upset. I thought about going over to see what all the commotion was about, but then I saw the neighbor's cat stalking a squirrel! A CAT AND A SQUIRREL? THAT WAS THE BEST THING TO HAPPEN TO ME EVER! WHAT A ONCE IN A LIFETIME OPPORTUNITY! I ran after them and ran all over the place. but then I saw how upset everyone was... I ran over to check on them and Layna tried to TACKLE me! So I ran around more and Layna kept trying to jump me! eventually Johnny grabbed me. When they brought me inside, Layna brushed me from head to toe. I kinda like being brushed, when she only brushes my tummy, but she never does. I REALLY hate when she brushes my tail. It's MY tail, and it is my personal opinion is that I should make all decisions surrounding it. but she insisted upon brushing it out.

The night looked rather dull at first, and I doubted anything interesting would occur. but joy of joys! As mom was about to feed the cats (CATS!) she forgot to shut the brown door! I ran for freedom. Images of Paul Revere and his gallant horse flashing through my mind! I ran into the bushes next to the old barn, chasing an orange cat. I heard a car engine, I ran to the car. mom was trying to shine the light in my direction so they could see me. then I ran back to the bushes, but OH! I got caught in an old fence! Mom tried to grab me, but I got away, then I saw a light, and without really looking to see what it was, I ran to, but I found myself in the backroom! And before I fully knew what was going on, Layna shut the red door and I was trapped!
they let me in the living room, and mom and Layna came in. They both announced I was filthy.
Layna brought me upstairs and tried to make me get into the bathtub.
I refused. she couldn't make me. I  liked being dirty and smelling like the outside! I wouldn't have believed it, I weigh almost as much as she does, but Layna LIFTED ME UP and set me in the tub. I jumped out. She put me back in.
In the end I stayed in the tub and let her wash me.
But I had run teasing her while she tried to dry me off with a towel. I ran downstairs the moment she opened the bathroom door. I got an incredible case of the zoomy's! Layna laid down on the couch and watched TV. eventually I got tired and laid down on the rug in front of the TV.
The burs in my fur were starting to bother me.
Once I was dry Layna brushed me again. I wanted to sleep. But when she was finished most of the burs were gone, and I felt much better. Then she kissed the top of my head and hugged me. I don't really like hugs that much, and this wasn't much different. but she held me very close and told me never to do that to her again, and that she didn't know how she could make it through being a stupid teenager without her Sammy. I'm not sure what she meant.

Then she went to go feed the cats, because mom hadn't when I got out. And she accidentally didn't shut the brown door right! I started to run out the red one, when she caught me and pulled me back inside. "No more of that buster!" she said. Then she hugged and kissed me again and went up to stairs to sleep. She always blows me a kiss on her way up the stairs and says she loves me. I curled up on the rug, and watched her walk up.

DOG PARK!!!!

WHEEEE!!!!! We went to the dog park today!!! FINALLY. I couldn't go anywhere because of that stupid flea medication!!! I couldn't get dirty because that would mean getting a bath, which I couldn't do for a few days after Dad put on the flea medicine. IT WAS AWFUL.

It was totally worth it! We totally didn't stay long enough!! I played with another dog named Harley! (It got a little confusing.) I chased balls! I played in the water! Then I rolled in the dirt!

I had a lot of fun, buuutt.... Well, its a long story. Then again, you have time. There's a big dog park, and a little dog park, for dogs under 25 pounds. So these two ladies came into the big dog park. They had a little Spaniel and this tiny, disgusting pug, and another fluffy thing. I wanted to play! So I tried to play, but they didn't really want to, I guess. And then the one lady were wondering who's the "white dog" was (everyone always thinks I'm white, it drives me crazy!). Mom and Brianna were like "that's ours. Carly, come on!" Of course, I ignored them. I always do. Then the other lady is like "she's being kind of overbearing."

Seriously. Don't bring your little dogs into the big dog park and then complain about my personality! That made me mad. And sad. And really annoyed. At least they left right after that. I hope they learned their lesson!!!

Plus, I'm feeling really insecure... I've been noticing other dog's tags. All the other big dogs have either blue flowers or yellow bones for tags. One of the little dogs had one that was red and a heart like mine. Am I weird because I have a pink heart? Do the other dogs laugh at me because I have a little dog tag? Do they not like me? Or do they not even notice? Am I the only one who notices tags? I feel really sad. Maybe nobody likes me.

Tuesday, September 3, 2013

I AM CRANKY.

I AM VERY CRANKY TODAY. I ran around barking and whining all afternoon because I felt like it. I am disgusted with these people, who are also very cranky. I had to be in my crate almost all afternoon because Mom and Brianna wanted to read a book. READ A BOOK. Seriously, does that make any sense at all?! Why would they want to read a book when they could be paying attention to me?! I'm upset. They call it "school" and Mom says I am going to be "a well educated dog". ICK. People have such stupid ideas. (At least Mom finally promised me that she wouldn't take me back to the pound.)

Then Brianna put on this big fuzzy brown thing that looked like a blanket. Mom called it a "bathrobe". I didn't like it. I barked and barked at her and tried to bite her until she took it off. And then I was fine again. I don't know why, I didn't like it. It made her look big and scary. She was mad at me because I ran around whining for like, half an hour, like I needed to go out, and then she took me out and I wandered around in circles for another fifteen minutes.

It doesn't help that after I started chasing my tail (that was right before they decided I needed to go into my crate) they started calling me Puppybutt. WHAT KIND OF A NAME IS THAT?! People are so stupid!!!!! Why do I bother with them?! I could have a glorious life out there, chasing rabbits all day. I could catch a seagull. I could eat bugs. I could do whatever I wanted, all day, every day! No more crate, no more baths, no more flea treatments or weird green things they stick in cheese to taint it, thinking that'll get me to eat it. No more getting yelled at for begging or jumping on the window or getting into the garbage or drinking out of the toilet.

I guess if I did run away and never come back, I wouldn't have a home, though. I guess I wouldn't get bacon cheese strips anymore, or even kibble... And nobody would rub my tummy... Or take me to the dog park... Or throw my tennis balls... Or play tug-of-war with me...

UGGGGG. I HATE MY LIFE RIGHT NOW!!!!!!! MAYBE I SHOULD GO BACK TO THE POUND!!!!!!!!

Monday, September 2, 2013

So I'm very proud of myself.

We went to the dog park the other day. And I got in the water! I got all the way in! Brianna took a picture! I got ALL THE WAY INTO THE WATER!!!!! And then I rolled in the dirt!!! And then I hopped into the bathtub for my bath! Dad didn't even have to pick me up! I'm just really proud of myself! I don't hate water so much anymore! I don't know why!



On the other hand, I'm very sad. I think my ears are ugly. They're just not right. The edges are a dark brown, like all the dirt on my head washed down on the edges. They make my face look weird. And my nose is too long. I hate it.

I'm still trying to decide about my tail. I can't see it very well. And when I manage to catch it, I still have problems because I still can't see it and it always gets away. I don't think that's normal. So I don't like it, I guess.

Um. So yeah. I've decided... Well, IDK. I got on the doggie day care facebook, looking at all their photos, trying to find me and my friends. I found some and now I suddenly feel unsure. This one is of Captain and Deuce. Captain is the brown, fluffy one. Deuce is the smaller one.



This one is of me with Deuce.


I just... I don't know. Captain doesn't like me, I'm sure. But I don't know if Deuce likes me, either!!! I'm so torn!!! Why can't I just stop worrying about it?! I just want a dog to love me!!!

This is all just very confusing. My mind can't handle it. I need sleep. And a bacon cheese-strip.

Sunday, September 1, 2013

I HAD FUN TODAY!!!!

Brianna's friend Emerleh came over today!!! She threw my tennis balls for me and petted me and loved me!!!! So did Brianna!!!! Emerleh says I'm the best dog ever, except for her sister's dog, Sable. So that makes me happy.

Brianna was being weird tonight. She was being very weird. She was playing with my ears. And I don't know why. I was tolerant, but not happy. And then she made Dad photograph us. She was also taking selfies with me. And hugging me. And I like getting hugs, but I like giving them more. Anyway, here are a couple of those pictures.




I will not post any of her selfies because she looks evil in them and I look disgruntled. Which I was. One should always keep their dog good and gruntled.