Do you ever wonder why people don't have tails?

Well, I knew something was afoot (what a strange word, why would you only have one foot?) this morning when Dad was home this morning. And then he and Mom left, and Brianna got out the thingy that makes all the noise that you run back and forth over the floor -- that's it, the vacuum, that's what it's called. And she put me in my box and vacuumed the entire house. Like, the whole thing. And besides disrupting my midmorning nap, I went to all that work making the floors nice. It took me two weeks to get all those clumps of hair everywhere! In fact, in the den it was so lovely that the entire carpet looked heathered. It was absolutely stunning, but she just HAD to go and CLEAN. Oh well, I always lose hair, so I'll always decorate the house....

And then I chewed on my favorite tennis ball all afternoon. Since it's my favorite, I pulled most of the fabric part off of it. It was tasty. Then I went out on my line and Dad made a lot of noise in the driveway and the next thing I knew he was sitting on this weird thing with two round wheel things and it was taking him down the driveway! I barked! And barked! And then he came back and I was confused.

Mom cooked hamburgers today. She wanted to give me one, but Dad and Brianna wouldn't let me have one. After dinner, the unthinkable happened. Dad put me on my walking collar and leash and took me for a walk. But then when we got inside he didn't take off the leash. He took of my pink collar, the one around my neck. I knew I was done for. I have maintained my dirty state for so long. Such a comforting place to be...

Brianna said "Carly, it's your night! You lucky dog!" and I knew at that moment that she was a terrible, terrible liar, so I ran into my box. She picked up the leash and a bag of treats and we went down to the bathroom. I tried to lie down on my pillow on the way, but she wouldn't let me. And I even gave Dad a really cute, sad look and rubbed my nose on his legs, but he wouldn't let me go, either! So I got a bath. At least Brianna gave me lots of treats. But then I came out and Dad had taken out my nice hair-encrusted rug and put in a clean blanket. I don't know how to feel about that. And now I'm clean. I don't know if I like being clean. I'm also quite undecided on how I feel about being clean.

They said I had to be clean for tomorrow. But I'm not sure what tomorrow is. Mom says it's a party. But what kind of party? And why? And I'm really excited at this idea. I love parties!

Three things about spring.

My people are upset with me. But what on earth is there for my people to complain about? I am literally the perfect dog, and they'll be the first to admit it. And you know, spring is the best time ever, besides summer, which is just like spring only much longer. And you know what happens in spring.

Well, three important things happen in the spring. I shall list them out and tell you why each one matters.

1. Mud. And in this case, I shall go by the old adage "a picture is worth a thousand words". See below.

2. Mom planted flowers. And then Jared let me out on my porch line because Mom forgot to tell him not to. I have nothing to say, just that the dirt was so fresh and smelled so good and I said that I would just dig a little and then next thing I knew... Never mind. Don't blame me.

3. Shedding. This is currently the most annoying of the three things I am highlighting here. Even I find it annoying. Brianna has been brushing an extra dog out of me every day, and when I scratch myself, clumps of hair fly everywhere. Why, just the other day, Mom had company over. So Brianna vacuumed the entire house. And then I stood in the den on the freshly vacuumed carpet and shook myself off. Hey, it felt good to get that extra hair out! It flew all over and both Mom and Brianna went "I JUST VACUUMED" and had a nice little fit. I don't understand humans, always having fits. But I can't help it!! I'm just a dog, gimmie a break!! And Mom says I look "mangy". Mangy?! Well excuse me! I can't help it, please don't be mad at me, I still love you and I don't mean to be mangy and I'll stop being mangy when I'm done shedding and THANKS now I'm having an identity crisis.

But I'm also very happy lately. See?

Sometimes I'm kind of a diva. A sleepy, doggie diva.

I love Brianna. Even when she picks me up and gives me a hug.

oh no.

Oh no. I'd say I'm not a happy dog, but I really am a happy dog. And I'm not a very good liar. So I'll just say oh no.

You know, I was having a fantastic life. I haven't had a bath in like, a month, because Brianna keeps brushing me. I was with Judah and Gemini over the weekend. I've been to the dog park twice! And doggie daycare yesterday! Eeeeeelaina came over last week. And it was all going great! AND THEN MY PEOPLE WENT AND RUINED THAT.

You know, they fooled me. I was convinced, I tell you, I was CONVINCED that we were going to the dog park today when I got into the car. But you know where we came out? That really interesting smelly place where there are rabbits and squeaky toys and lots of crinkly bags that smell good! And I can't think of what it's called, oh, yes, the pet store. And you know what? They didn't even stop to peruse the squeaky toys and when I pressed my nose against the glass to watch a chinchilla, they told me no! And you know where they took me? To the back. To the funny room where they tied me up!! They tied me up and they had to have three ladies hold me down and they clipped my nails! And also cleaned my ears! AND THEY DIDN'T EVEN GIVE ME A TREAT. WHAT EVILNESS IS THIS?

I'm very good and disgruntled. And you know what I've always maintained. One should always keep their dog good and gruntled.

But I suppose I really can't complain because then they gave me a yummy treat and took me to the dog park. Other than today I've been having an excellent time tromping through fields on my line and barking at birds and playing with sticks and getting wet in the pool at the park and daycare and sleeping a lot. I'm awfully happy. Do you realize my people have had me for nearly a year? I can't believe it.

The mud pit -- er, dog park.

Brianna went to church and didn't come back! Then tonight she brought Emerleh in, so I suppose she must have spent the day with her, but that upset me, because that means she was cheating on me because she smelled like Sable, Brian's dog. and CATS. SHE SMELLED LIKE CATS!!!! SHE SMELLED. LIKE CATS. OH MY GOODNESS, BRIANNA SMELLED LIKE CATS!!!!! I practically had a heart attack. I love cats. I mean, I LOVE CATS. Don't even get me started. I ADORE cats.

So Brianna was gone all day, but it was ok, because Mom and Dad took me to the dog park. It was so much fun!! I played in the mud puddles! and then they wouldn't let me into the house.... So I had to stay out on my line and get hosed off before they'd let me in.

  

And then I got a bath. A vile, vile, bath. Dad had to shampoo me three times. It was horrid. Not just that, but I got a flea treatment after that, too!! Can you believe these people?! What is wrong with them?! Torturing a poor, innocent doggy like me like this. Doesn't that face just melt your heart?! You know it does........

My Christmas List!

Here is my Christmas list! It's kind of long... I am a very deprived puppy. And hey, Brianna put a diamond ring (or something like that) on her list, so why can't I put whatever I want on my list?

• Pink tennis balls! Green gets really boring.
• A big fluffy dog bed, like a really big one that's really fluffy. Not that I need another one...
• A RABBIT!!!
• A SQUIRREL!!!
• A DEER!!!
• A CAT!!!
• A BIRD!!!!!
• THE CHANCE TO RUN THROUGH THE WOOD FOREVER!!!!!!
• A buddy. Like, a four-legged furry one that barks and lives with me.
• A bright pink bandanna to match my bright pink collar. (well, Brianna wants to get me one of those, anyway.)
• FOOD. ALL THE FOOD. PEOPLE FOOD.
• Peanutbutter.
• Bacon cheese strips!!!
• A new stuffed rabbit. Mine met a disturbing end. I shall write about that later....
• A SQUEEEEEKY THING!!!!
• SQUEEKY TENNIS BALLS
• A redhead. To live with me. I miss them. =(
• A new leash! A pretty leash! A stylish leash!
• A sweater. (actually, I don't want one of those. My people are just threatening to buy me one for really cold days.)
• Rope toys! Preferably the preferable ones!
• License to jump on people.
• To be allowed to go through the garbage.
• Unlimited time at the dog park.
• Rawhide.
• To bark at things whenever I want. (My people are complaining I'm becoming too "barky". Stupid idea, barking is fun! Maybe I just get tired of not saying anything!)
• Those chewy bone thingies Mom bought me once. But only once. And they were really delicious.
• No more baths. Ever.
• Love. Lots and lots of love. <3

That's all I can think of right now! If I remember anything else, I shall add it. Now I'm off to go bark at nothing in particular.

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?!?!

WHAT ON EARTH IS THIS THING CALLED A "SPA NIGHT"?!?!?!?! I HAVE NO IDEA BUT IT'S AWFUL!!!!!!

You see, I got really dirty yesterday. It was really wonderful. But my people were complaining I "smelled". Of course I smell, so do they! Everything smells, what are they possibly thinking?! They also would pat my rump and watch dust poof out. I don't understand what is so bad about that......

So tonight Brianna gave me a bath! Can you believe that?! But instead of that nasty vanilla oatmeal shampoo, she used DISH SOAP. APPLE SCENTED DISH SOAP. That is simply OUTRAGEOUS!!!!! I am not an apple scented dish, thank you very much!!!! I am a DOG. If you are going to bathe me, at least have the decency not to treat me like a dirty plate.

So she bathed me. And I was very wet. And so she tried to dry me off, but I was still wet. (I have this neat little trick I do just to annoy her. I shake off just as she's rubbing the soap in and doesn't close the shower curtain fast enough. That way I succeed in getting water and soap all over her clothing and glasses! And then I won't shake off again until after she lets me off the leash, so then I get the bathroom totally wet! It makes her so mad and makes me so proud!)

Anyway. She and Mom decided I was wet and it was too cold for me to be wet. So they shut the den doors and put me on my leash and got out this horrible thing!!! It's dark purple and you stick the end into the wall, and it has a thing you hold onto it by and another part that blows out hot air and it makes a HORRIBLE noise!!!! It's AWFUL!!! I FLIPPED out. I tried and tried to get away but Brianna just kept holding me down and Mom just kept aiming at my fur. It was WICKEDLY EVIL!!!!!!

Today I was a puppybutt. HAH HAH HAH.

This morning I made a general nuisance of myself until Mom put me on my line. I knew it was out there because Dad went out into the side field and screwed it in earlier. So I was out there and I PULLED IT OUT OF THE GROUND!!!! HAHAHAHAH YES I REALLY DID, I GOT AWAY TWICE IN ONE WEEK!!!!!!!

However, I quickly got rather snarled in the woods. I have GOT to figure out how to not get the line tangled when I get it out of the ground. After awhile, Brianna showed up and started to untangle me. She was very angry at me and kept yelling that I was a bad dog and to stop walking in the wrong direction. Wrong direction? Is there such a thing when you're in the woods?

She finally got me out and then pushed her way out of the woods, where Mom grabbed my collar and unclipped the line. Then Brianna grabbed my collar and started trying to drag me towards the house. I sat on the ground and glared at her because I was quite angry. Really, unless I'm barking, there is no need to go gallivanting through the woods to find me. She finally just picked me up and carried me partway, then set me down again and grabbed my collar. They were both yelling at me that I was a bad dog. She kept dragging me but I refused to move, hah hah. And then she picked me up AGAIN and carried me inside. It was humiliating, actually, so I ran right into my box and hid. They left me in there for awhile, then Mom came and let me out. Brianna glared at me and kept telling me she was still mad at me. Then she went away.

Then I made MOM really mad by persistently jumping on her! Because I really wanted to go back out on my line! It was a lot of fun, but she was not happy. She yelled at me. Then Brianna got out the leash and I thought "OH SHE'S GOING TO TAKE ME OUT OH OH OH" but then she put the leash on me and started walking... The wrong way!!! Through the kitchen!!! Well, I knew what was going to happen. So I sat on the floor and glared at her and refused to move. Then Mom poked my butt and I had to move. So then I decided I had JUUUUST been intending to take a nap on my pillow in the living room! So I lied down and that made Mom and Brianna rather annoyed. She finally dragged me into the bathroom and shut the door and I KNEW I was in for it.

Yes. She gave me a bath. It was horrible, especially when she laughed at me for rolling around frantically on the bathroom rug trying to get that disgusting water stuff off me.

THEN she brushed me. That was ok. And everything was ok, only Mom and Brianna were still mad at me because I was supposedly "under their feet". (I do not understand this concept, the floor is under their feet.) Then Brianna got out this sort of kind of roundeshy box thing with an odd sort of stick coming out of it. It was very large and she made lots of noises with it! I was terrified so I barked at her and hid under the computer desk.

I was SOOOO HAPPY when Dad got home because he wasn't mad at me and he PLAYED with me!!!! And so everything was right in the world again. Until tonight when I was sleeping on my pillow in the den and I was rudely awakened to Brianna smearing flea treatment up my back!!! I HATE that, this means I won't be aloud to go to the dog park tomorrow or have ANY FUN AT ALL. Don't people GET it?! Apparently not. And they call ME a PUPPYBUTT. I would call THEM PEOPLEBUTTS if that made sense, which it does... Just not to anybody but me.

THE DOG PARK?! TWO DAYS IN A ROW?!?!

YES!!! THE DOG PARK TWO DAYS IN A ROW!!!!! IT IS NOT A MYTH, IT IS REALITY!!!!!!!

EMERLEH came over today! She and Brianna took me for a walk, which was fun, except for the dogs along the road... More on them later. And then after that we WENT IN THE CAR!!!!!! Emerleh and Brianna took me to the dog park!!!! I played with a lot of dogs because there were a lot of dogs there!!!! There was a white pit bull and these two big white dogs that looked like German Shepherds and the four of us played together and it was like WHITE PACK ATTACK!!!!!!! And then there was a Boarder Collie/great Pyrenees mix named Lacey and a big black dog named Jet who I played with, and then some sort of mixed breed named Rocky who I couldn't get to stop hitting on me... And meanwhile Brianna and Emerleh were trying to catch me and I was like "HAHHAHHAH no." They even got out the treats! (That's really drastic, considering that the number one rule my people abide by is "never bring treats to the dog park".) I personally did not find them very interesting but I guess they were accosted by another dog (who they claim was "adorable", disgusting, isn't it?) and just kept giving them the Look. They FINALLY caught me. *growl*

And then when we got home, Brianna gave me a bath. Brianna. Gave ME. A bath!!!

Yes. This picture expresses my feeling exactly. I was not a happy dog at that point.

In any case, I'm freaking out. Dad still hasn't come home!!! Has he left me forever?!

SO GUESS WHAT?!?!?!

IT'S THUUUUUURRRSSSDAAAAYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!! THE DAY WHERE AMAZING GETS REAL!!!!!!! Mom was a little upset because I supposedly almost pulled her arm off trying to get in... Don't listen to her. Humans always lie. I was a wonderfully behaved dog, just like I always am. I'm probably the most perfect canine ever. Like, legit (as Brianna and the redheads say).

BUT I DIDN'T GET A BATH!!!!!!!!!!! I HAVEN'T HAD A BATH IN TWO WEEKS!!!!!!!!!!!! HOOOOOORAAAAAYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I just wish I wasn't so tired by the end of the day... Because if I weren't then I could just do it all over again! :D

Peopleh have strange ideas about grammareh.

I am not quite sure what's up with the eh on the end of things... But that's how Brianna does it! She says "puppyeh" and "doggyeh" and Emerleh (which isn't actually her name, but I don't remember what her name is, but a couple redheads started and Brianna picked up) and all sorts of other weird things... She also calls Eeeeeelaina "EEELOINA" and then Eeeeelaina gets all mad at Brianna and yells "DON'T CALL ME EEELOINA, BREEONA!" and then Brianna gets mad at her for calling her "BREEONA". But they have an agreement. If Brianna calls her "EEELOINA" then Eeeeelaina can call her "BREEONA". I don't get it... Brianna also says things like "I wuvs chu" and "I ish sowwy". I'm pretty sure she learned all that from a redhead. Or more than one.

Not to say I don't like redheads. I mean, I think I probably put them in a negative light sometimes. But I really do love redheads! They're not angry or twitty like brunettes. *looks at Brianna* I mean, I've really never met a redhead I didn't like! They're funny and energetic and thoughtful and creative people! Not to mention it's hard to find a true redhead like Eeeelaina or Rachel. There are a lot of dyed redheads out there nowadays and its sad. I hate posers. And redheaded posers are the worst. They pretend to be a redhead but it's easy to see through that guise and you can tell that underneath they are just dirty blondes or brunettes trying to have a redhead nature and failing miserably. People like that ought to get professional help and see a therapist. Also dye their hair back to their original color. Because once a redhead, always a redhead. And once a not-redhead, never a redhead.

Anyways... I really do love redheads. They always make me so happy because they are so happy to see me! Even when they're half asleep they still have (actually, especially have) effervescent personalities. (I don't know what that word means, and Mom always tells Brianna not to use a word if she doesn't know what it means, but Brianna called me it so it must be complimentary.) So yeeeah...

There's a "dog grooming" place in the mall. I put it in quotes because I looked at their flyer and I'm pretty sure they're for miniature poodles. They do facials and spa treatments and of course, hair cuts and baths and nail clipping. *shudder* They can also condition your fur and paint your toenails and dye your fur and then they give you a complementary bow or bandana. And it's all very overpriced and their flyer had so many typos and misspellings and capitalization errors and inconsistency it wasn't even funny. First of all, Brianna says that if they can't even get their flyer right, she's not intrusting her dog to them. "They're running a business. That is unprofessional and irresponsible. If they can't even spell the name of the road they're located on right, or at least use spellchecker, what does that say about them as a business? That they're lazy and my dog won't be well-groomed." Mom scolded her for making snap judgements about people because of their grammar and spelling, but I think she secretly agrees with her... Mom and Brianna are both spelling and grammar nuts. I am a well-raised dog.

But on a more practical level, I would not go there for all the bacon cheese strips in the world. What self-respecting dog would let someone give them a facial?! Why on earth does my fur need conditioning?! It's not long and within two days they'll just say I need another bath, anyway! But if I wasn't so adamantly apposed to the idea, also to the idea of redhead posers, I would totally agree to having my fur dyed red.....

Speaking of bacon cheese strips, I think we're out. ='(

I love Thursdays!!!

Are you tired of hearing me say how much I love Thursdays? Well, too bad! I REALLY LOVE THURSDAYS!!!!!! I'LL NEVER BE DONE SAYING HOW MUCH I LOVE THEM!!!!

I got filthy dirty today!!! And I didn't get a bath!!! WHEEEEEE!!!!!!! I played with all my buddies!!! I had SOOOO MUCH FUN!!!!!!!!!! I KNOW THIS ENTRY SOUNDS LIKE EVERY OTHER ONE I WRITE ON THURSDAYS, AND THAT'S BECAUSE TODAY WAS JUST LIKE EVERY OTHER THURSDAY!!!!!!!!!!! BUT THAT'S OK BECAUSE I LOVE THEM!!!!!!!!!!!!! I came home and collapsed on my pillows. And then I wouldn't get up. Dad practically dragged me out the door to find a spot outside before bed. It was wonderful.

On the other hand, I got a flea treatment the other day. =( I don't like flea treatments. They're not comfortable.

I wish dogs could really cry. Like with tears.

I went to the dog park today. That was really fun. I played with a dog named Jake and a dog named Eloise! That was really fun! I got all dirty and it was WONDERFUL. I ran and ran and RAN AND RAN!!!! The afternoon went by so FAST!!!!

The only problem was, like I said, I got dirty. Well, that wasn't a problem. The problem was that they decided I needed a bath. But that wasn't the whole problem. The biggest part of the problem was that they decided they don't like my feet. They decided that my toenails weren't right. They decided they were too long. So they decided to clip them.

It. Was. AWFUL. I'm not kidding, it was horrible!!! Brianna did my back feet while Dad held me still, and that was bad, but not as bad as when Dad did my front paws. He clipped one too close and I yelped and it started bleeding and I hid in my crate and cried.

That was when they decided to give me the bath. That was ok, I guess. I had an accident on the floor after that. I felt really bad, but then Dad walked out into the living room and said: "Carly, did you do this?" and so I ran and hid in my crate. He's mad at me, I know it, he's mad at me. So is Brianna, that's why they clipped my toenails. I think even Mom must be mad at me, she dragged me out of my crate and put a pillow in there for me, and then put a blanket over it. But she MADE me get OUT. And Brianna took off my collar for the night. I feel so naked, like they abandoned me. I think they don't love me anymore and they're going to take me back to the pound. ='(

TO THE DAYCARE!!!!!

There were weird people on top of the house this morning. They all wore big funny hats and had a big truck and made a lot of noise, so I barked! Since I didn't want to shut up, Mom took me to doggie daycare. It was fuunnn! It was a nice, sunny day today and so we all romped and played. Like, I was tired from yesterday, but that didn't stop me from playing!

It was a little awkward, though. Since I usually go to daycare on Thursdays, I play with Thursday dogs, like Captain and Keera and Deuce. But today was Friday, so. I didn't really know anyone. I think they all thought I was weird.

I love doggie daycare, though, because my leash is at home and I can do whatever I want until 4p.m. naptime. And then I get a treat!

But it's a dog's life, for sure. Since I'd played hard for three days, my people claimed I was "dirty". I do not understand this concept of dirt. A dog is a dog. Dirt is not a relevant factor. So I was sleeping on my rug in the living room tonight, all curled up in a ball while Mom read a book to Brianna. And then Brianna got up and said "come on, Carly!" And I woke up and blinked at her because I was really tired.

Then Dad came out of the bathroom, and I knew. I just knew. So I stood up and Brianna reached for my collar, but I ran into the kitchen and hid in my box. Then all my people came out and started laughing (I'm not sure why). And then, of all the blatantly rude things to do, Dad reached into my box and pulled me out!!! And then he carried me like I was some kind of puppy into the bathroom!!! I was furious!!! Going and pulling your dog out of their crate is not a nice thing to do.

And so I got a bath. *growl snarl* I got covered in that icky vanilla oatmeal stuff and then rinsed. My one consolation is that they only shampooed me once so I still smell kinda doggie. And they washed my bedding yesterday, so it wasn't too bad. But STILL. BATHS. UGGGG.

RUNNNNIIINNNNGGGGGG!

TODAY I GOT OUT TWICE AND CHASED CATS AND CHICKENS AND RAN EVERYWHERE THEY NEVER LET ME GO!

On the down side... I hurt my paw, and Layna put this gunky goo on it, and it's really smelly.

BUT I WAS FREE FOR A LONG TIME! I first got out in the morning when I carefully shoved my head through the brown door while they were opening the red one, and struggle as hard and as fast as I could, and BAM I was home free! Johnny didn't like me running around, he was very mad and he yelled at me, but Layna didn't like him yelling I guess, so she told him to stop, and was very upset. I thought about going over to see what all the commotion was about, but then I saw the neighbor's cat stalking a squirrel! A CAT AND A SQUIRREL? THAT WAS THE BEST THING TO HAPPEN TO ME EVER! WHAT A ONCE IN A LIFETIME OPPORTUNITY! I ran after them and ran all over the place. but then I saw how upset everyone was... I ran over to check on them and Layna tried to TACKLE me! So I ran around more and Layna kept trying to jump me! eventually Johnny grabbed me. When they brought me inside, Layna brushed me from head to toe. I kinda like being brushed, when she only brushes my tummy, but she never does. I REALLY hate when she brushes my tail. It's MY tail, and it is my personal opinion is that I should make all decisions surrounding it. but she insisted upon brushing it out.

The night looked rather dull at first, and I doubted anything interesting would occur. but joy of joys! As mom was about to feed the cats (CATS!) she forgot to shut the brown door! I ran for freedom. Images of Paul Revere and his gallant horse flashing through my mind! I ran into the bushes next to the old barn, chasing an orange cat. I heard a car engine, I ran to the car. mom was trying to shine the light in my direction so they could see me. then I ran back to the bushes, but OH! I got caught in an old fence! Mom tried to grab me, but I got away, then I saw a light, and without really looking to see what it was, I ran to, but I found myself in the backroom! And before I fully knew what was going on, Layna shut the red door and I was trapped!
they let me in the living room, and mom and Layna came in. They both announced I was filthy.
Layna brought me upstairs and tried to make me get into the bathtub.
I refused. she couldn't make me. I  liked being dirty and smelling like the outside! I wouldn't have believed it, I weigh almost as much as she does, but Layna LIFTED ME UP and set me in the tub. I jumped out. She put me back in.
In the end I stayed in the tub and let her wash me.
But I had run teasing her while she tried to dry me off with a towel. I ran downstairs the moment she opened the bathroom door. I got an incredible case of the zoomy's! Layna laid down on the couch and watched TV. eventually I got tired and laid down on the rug in front of the TV.
The burs in my fur were starting to bother me.
Once I was dry Layna brushed me again. I wanted to sleep. But when she was finished most of the burs were gone, and I felt much better. Then she kissed the top of my head and hugged me. I don't really like hugs that much, and this wasn't much different. but she held me very close and told me never to do that to her again, and that she didn't know how she could make it through being a stupid teenager without her Sammy. I'm not sure what she meant.

Then she went to go feed the cats, because mom hadn't when I got out. And she accidentally didn't shut the brown door right! I started to run out the red one, when she caught me and pulled me back inside. "No more of that buster!" she said. Then she hugged and kissed me again and went up to stairs to sleep. She always blows me a kiss on her way up the stairs and says she loves me. I curled up on the rug, and watched her walk up.

So I'm very proud of myself.

We went to the dog park the other day. And I got in the water! I got all the way in! Brianna took a picture! I got ALL THE WAY INTO THE WATER!!!!! And then I rolled in the dirt!!! And then I hopped into the bathtub for my bath! Dad didn't even have to pick me up! I'm just really proud of myself! I don't hate water so much anymore! I don't know why!

On the other hand, I'm very sad. I think my ears are ugly. They're just not right. The edges are a dark brown, like all the dirt on my head washed down on the edges. They make my face look weird. And my nose is too long. I hate it.

I'm still trying to decide about my tail. I can't see it very well. And when I manage to catch it, I still have problems because I still can't see it and it always gets away. I don't think that's normal. So I don't like it, I guess.

Um. So yeah. I've decided... Well, IDK. I got on the doggie day care facebook, looking at all their photos, trying to find me and my friends. I found some and now I suddenly feel unsure. This one is of Captain and Deuce. Captain is the brown, fluffy one. Deuce is the smaller one.

This one is of me with Deuce.

I just... I don't know. Captain doesn't like me, I'm sure. But I don't know if Deuce likes me, either!!! I'm so torn!!! Why can't I just stop worrying about it?! I just want a dog to love me!!!

This is all just very confusing. My mind can't handle it. I need sleep. And a bacon cheese-strip.

WHEEEE!!!!!

Today totally made up for yesterday!!! We all went to the dog park!!!! I ran around and played with the other dogs for like, an hour. It was SOOOOOOOOO much fun!!!!!!! It was just like doggie daycare!!!! And we ran and ran and ran all over it was sooo fuunnnn!!!! There were even tennis balls!!!!

Then Dad decided I was dirty....... *growl* So they gave me a bath!!! It was awful, I was just starting to get right again!!!! I was pleasantly rumpled. Not too muddy, just enough. It was the perfect amount. And then they went and ruined it!!! But then Brianna got out this new toy that's like a  green rubber bone with a rope and it's perfect to play tug of war with and we played and played and it was really fun!!! I'll post a picture later. So I guess the day was worth it.

This is me with my doggie buddies!

Yesterday was almost really fun.

It was kind of boring at first. I got to play with Mom and Brianna and then they had to go someplace so I had to stay in my crate for awhile. Then they got back and I chewed a rawhide. It was delicious. Then Dad got home. He went outside with my tennis balls and played with me, then he took the tennis balls away because I was burying one in my favorite hole. Then they were upset because I was covered in mud. It's been raining on and off for a week. So they decided it would be a good idea to hose me off.

I HATE water. I HATE it. I just hate it. For real.

I don't know how it happened. I guess when Dad put me on my leash, he accidentally clipped the wrong ring. There's a ring on the collar that has another little ring hooked to it. The little one has my tags and my leash goes on the big one. I saw Brianna with the hose and I didn't want what I knew was coming. She started spraying my legs, which were covered in mud. So I jumped away. When I did that, it broke. My tags went flying. I started running. It was a few seconds before I realized what was wrong. Wait a minute... I'm not on my leash!!!

So I dashed off into the woods to chase rabbits. I had a jolly good time. I almost forgot about my people. But not quite. In the back of my mind I heard them calling my name and I knew I was in trouble now.

I ran around in the woods for like, an hour. It was the most fun I've had in a long time -- at least, then it was fun. I kept hearing Dad and Brianna calling my name. Brianna didn't sound right, either. I started getting a little worried.

I was all the way over in the neighbor's woods at this point. I saw them standing in the lawn, talking to the guy who lives next door. I felt a little bad. After the neighbor walked away, they started coming towards the woods. I popped out of the trees. I saw Brianna holding my favorite toss toy, the blue and green and yellow rope with the green rubber ball on it. She bent down and called "come here, Carly! I have your toy!!!" I wondered if she was still mad at me. Why else would she be spraying me with water if she wasn't mad at me? I almost didn't go. But she didn't have a hose with her or a bucket or anything. So I bounded forward to get to the toy. I dashed by her to Dad and then back to her. I stuck my nose against her legs. She'd been crying. She clipped my collar on. That was the end of my freedom. But I felt very bad about it. Were they still mad at me?

A little, I guess. I was covered in mud, they claim. I wasn't covered in mud, I was just de-vanilla-oatmealifying myself. So they took me inside and put me in the bathtub and scrubbed me down. They shampooed me at least three times. I watched the brown water run down the drain and wondered miserably why they were making me yucky again. At this rate, I'll NEVER be able to smell natural!!! Even worse, Dad claims they didn't actually get all the dirt out of me.

Then they dried me off and I had to go in my crate while they ate dinner. They were still kind of mad at me, I think. But after dinner they played with me and actually brushed my teeth. At first, I was a little mad. But the toothpaste is poultry flavored and actually really good.

And then I... Well, it's embarrassing. I had an accident on the den floor. They were all mad at me all over again. Then Brianna went to take me outside and I didn't want to sit to put the leash on. Even Dad lost it. He yelled at me until I sat.

I was very sad. I still am. I had an early bedtime. I'm afraid my people don't love me anymore. Today I'm just very sad. I think my people don't love me anymore.

UGGG!

They gave me ANOTHER bath!!! They claimed I still smelled "bad", so they took me into the bathroom and Dad sprayed me down and Brianna shampooed. It was awful.

Maybe it would have been better, but after that they took all my rope toys and my rug that I lay on most of the day and the blanket in my crate and my collar and my leash and WASHED them! They were just starting to smell right, after last week when they washed them!!! Not just that, they scrubbed my crate down!!! Nothing is right now!!!

And I don't like smelling like vanilla oatmeal. That is just not the same as all-natural dog smell. I just don't get why they don't like dog smell! Dog smell is organic and delightful. It's MUCH better than that gross "coco-butter kiss" stuff Brianna occasionally sprays on herself. It smells like chemicals and fake flowers. Dog, on the other hand, smells like the great outdoors. Dirt. Beautiful. Just beautiful.

Do yourself a favor. Don't bathe your dog. It just creates unnecessary conflict and evil smells. And DON'T wash their bedding. That's just wrong. To have a happy dog, you must throw all pretenses of cleanliness out the window. We can take care of it ourselves.

I feel sorry for people.

They have such short noses. How do they smell anything?! I suppose they must smell something because they often comment that I smell "doggie" and I need a bath. But that's just how twisted their smell is! I don't smell "doggie", I smell like me! Which is a beautiful scent, by the way. Dogs don't need showers and whatnot like people do. Dogs are much cleaner than people. People get dirty doing all sorts of things. Dogs get dirty in dirt and then they sit down and lick themselves. That is cleanliness, if you ask me. People aren't actually smart enough to lick themselves.

Which brings me to another point... Why do people stand in the bathroom several minutes a day with a plastic stick, rubbing it around in their mouth? It's to get their teeth clean. And the rest of their mouth. But that's unnecessary! And now Brianna and Mom are talking about how I need toothbrushing.

WHAT?! No way!!! I chew rawhides, that's how I clean my teeth. Dogs do not need things stuck in their mouth. Somebody rescue me, please! These people want to keep me clean!

In fact, yesterday Brianna gave me a bath. I HATE BATHS. I HATE baths!!! Brianna put my walking collar on me (which is torture in itself, she claims I look like a ninja dog, but that doesn't make it any better) and when she took me outside and I saw the kiddie pool, I sat on the ground and wouldn't move. She actually picked me up. Can you believe that?! She picked up all 42 pounds of me and put me in the water!!! And then she squirted shampoo on me and rubbed it in. That wasn't so bad. But then she got the bucket and started pouring water over me! At that, I jumped out of the kiddie pool. I made her chase me around the yard trying to pour water on me. Of course, since I was on a leash, it didn't work very well. And I still got wet. I was not happy. And she got mad at me when I rolled around in the yard! I was trying to get the walking collar off, but also to get dry. She dragged me up and told me I couldn't do it.

I think she probably hates me. I mean, she gave me a tummy-rub after that, but I think she's still mad at me. I'm sort of still mad at her. I love my people, but only to an extent...