ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?!?!

WHAT ON EARTH IS THIS THING CALLED A "SPA NIGHT"?!?!?!?! I HAVE NO IDEA BUT IT'S AWFUL!!!!!!

You see, I got really dirty yesterday. It was really wonderful. But my people were complaining I "smelled". Of course I smell, so do they! Everything smells, what are they possibly thinking?! They also would pat my rump and watch dust poof out. I don't understand what is so bad about that......

So tonight Brianna gave me a bath! Can you believe that?! But instead of that nasty vanilla oatmeal shampoo, she used DISH SOAP. APPLE SCENTED DISH SOAP. That is simply OUTRAGEOUS!!!!! I am not an apple scented dish, thank you very much!!!! I am a DOG. If you are going to bathe me, at least have the decency not to treat me like a dirty plate.

So she bathed me. And I was very wet. And so she tried to dry me off, but I was still wet. (I have this neat little trick I do just to annoy her. I shake off just as she's rubbing the soap in and doesn't close the shower curtain fast enough. That way I succeed in getting water and soap all over her clothing and glasses! And then I won't shake off again until after she lets me off the leash, so then I get the bathroom totally wet! It makes her so mad and makes me so proud!)

Anyway. She and Mom decided I was wet and it was too cold for me to be wet. So they shut the den doors and put me on my leash and got out this horrible thing!!! It's dark purple and you stick the end into the wall, and it has a thing you hold onto it by and another part that blows out hot air and it makes a HORRIBLE noise!!!! It's AWFUL!!! I FLIPPED out. I tried and tried to get away but Brianna just kept holding me down and Mom just kept aiming at my fur. It was WICKEDLY EVIL!!!!!!