BEST. WEEKEND. EVER.

THIS WAS THE BEST. WEEKEND. EVER. OH MY GOODNESS YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENED?!?!?! BRIANNA HAD A PARTY.

I love parties! I love parties so much! She had Sarah and Leah and Emerleh and Eeeeeelaina over and they didn't play with me much but they took me on a WALK. And you know why the walk was exciting? It was NIGHT. You know what else? Rory was here! I just love everyone.

You know what else? People don't think I know what's going on, but ohhh.... When you have five teenage girls hanging around, you know what happens? They talk. In fact, nothing short of an explosion can get them to shut up. And even then that doesn't work. They talk and talk and talk and since I'm a dog, I don't talk. And you know what that means? That means I listen.

Oh, but I listen. I listen to all their secrets. I listen when I'm in bed and they sit in the kitchen keeping me up. I listen when I'm out on my line and they won't shut up and you can hear them out the window. I listen when they walk me and talk and talk and talk while half of them run backwards. That's how much girls talk. They talk so much that once everyone's gone home Brianna calls Eeeeeelaina up and the two of them talk for two more hours about everything everyone has already talked about. Sometimes it gets tiring, honestly.

The most common thing they talk about is boys. Boys! Of all the things to talk about, they talk about boys?! What is wrong with that?! They could throw a tennis ball around or chase rabbits or even chew on things but they talk about BOYS?! What do boys even matter? They're just like girls only smellier and they eat less and talk less. (Girls eat so much food, there's always food hanging about and they never give me any of it.) Boys talk much less. I don't even really know any teenage boys. But they're sure not worth talking about for more than a few minutes.

But I suppose maybe.... Never mind, just thinking about Sammy and Judah, sorry. It's so conflicting, this whole boy thing.

NOT FAIR!!!!

IT'S NOT FAIR!!!!!! Brianna walks me almost every day. Sometimes I have to bother her until she walks me, but unless I go to daycare or the dog park, she walks me two miles a day. But it's NOT FAIR!!!! She won't let me play or even bark at all the other dogs down the road!!!! Can you believe that?! She yelled at me when the two Corgis at 135 and I tried to have a decent conversation! We didn't even get past the introduction! (I caught the one's name, he was called Charleston Shoe, but I couldn't catch the girl's name.) It's very upsetting. And that Husky and I never get anywhere because Brianna doesn't stop to let me chat. She just drags me along saying "no!" It's a terrible pity because I think we could be great friends, but noooo!

Oh, and the big black dog at the end of the road is always outside and always tells me to get away from his property. When I go to retort, Brianna tells me not to. Does she expect me to just take that lying down?! I don't think so! But what really galls me the most (hmm, gall. Is that like ball? No, being galled means you're angry, but when you have a ball, you're happy. The English language is so strange) is that when I try to let all my would-be buddies know that I'm outside, she tells me not to! I want them to know I'm here, if they don't know I'm out there then how will we ever get acquainted? The whole thing is just very annoying. Does anyone have any tips on how to get away with barking? Because lately my people think I've been doing too much of it.

Not that I am, of course. Do they really expect me just to not say anything all day every day, I'd like to know! Sometimes I just feel like having a civilized discussion. It's a pity the only language my people speak is human. Dog is the only language with any sort of distinction. Each breed has it's own sort of dialect, and then of course there are regional differences, and every individual dog has it's own way of phrasing things (like how redheads say "eh" instead of "ee", as in "puppeh", or how Brianna puts "bob" or "obob" onto the ends of words, as in "buddybob" or "doggieobob"). But all and all, it's a very refined way of talking, and people just don't understand.

I must echo a question from one of those inane musicals my people love so much. "Why can't the English learn to speak?" Or maybe it should be "Why can't the English learn to bark?" Only I don't think we're English. I'm not sure. So let's just leave it at "Why can't the people learn to bark?"

On the other hand...

There ARE downsides to having a forever family, I suppose. Brianna is threatening to put a bow on my collar. But that's not all! She's talking about dressing me up as a reindeer! Now, I didn't know what that was, but I googled it and I know I do NOT want to be dressed up as one!!!

On the other hand, they feed me and give me treats and I have comfy pillows and a warm, cozy box, and a line that I can stay out on and tromp through the flowerbeds and bark at things on. And they take me to the dog park and give me bacon cheese strips sometimes. And they take me for walks and play games with me. And they won't let me on the furniture, and they do yell at me a lot to get out of the garbage, but I guess the good things outweigh the bad parts.

But really. Seriously? A reindeer?! What is she THINKING?! I'm a DOG for heaven's sakes!!!

EMERLEH!!!!!

EMERLEH SHOWED UP TODAY!!!!!!! I LOVE SUNDAYS BECAUSE SHE KEEPS ON APPEARING ON THEM!!!!!!!!!!!! She and Brianna walked me four miles in the snow because I was hyperactive. And then I was exhausted and conked out. And then she LEFT. Can you BELIEVE that?! Emerleh LEFT. She LEFT ME?!?!?!?!

Oh well, at least maybe she'll show up again sometime soon..... But as a dog I have no patience. And I'm quite proud of that because being a dog is the highest calling someone can have (especially someone with four legs and fur).

The dogs down the road

I love walks, but I hate having to walk by all these houses where there are other dogs. Brianna only ever walks me down the one way, never the other. (I think it's because she knows where all the dogs live on that road and she likes yelling at me not to bark at them.) There's a golden retriever next door at the apartment complex, and then down the road a little ways on the other side there's a brown dog that always barks and that Brianna and Emerleh say is pathetic. Right up from that is another brown dog. Then on the other side across from there are two (I think) little fluffy things (Emerleh calls them "footballs".) There's a black and white fluffy dog on the other side down a little ways, and then right up after that is the big house where Eeeeelaina is a juveenile deelinkwent and they have a lab or a golden retriever, I'm not sure which, maybe both. Across from that is a lady with two corgi mixes. Then down further is a little house with an invisible fence. They have a husky. It never barks, it just sits there in the lawn and stares us down whenever we walk by. It doesn't so much as move or make any noise at all, it just stares. It always looks very angry and Brianna accuses me of flipping out. Then all the way down at the end of the road where it turns is a trailer with a barn and I can frequently hear big dogs barking but I've never seen them.

The whole thing wouldn't bother me so much if Brianna would only let me make friends and play with them! But she just pulls on my leash and tells me to stop barking and come on! How not fair is that?! She's trying to stop me on my life goal to become everyone in the world's best friend!!! And deterring someone on their life mission is not a nice thing to do.

THE DOG PARK?! TWO DAYS IN A ROW?!?!

YES!!! THE DOG PARK TWO DAYS IN A ROW!!!!! IT IS NOT A MYTH, IT IS REALITY!!!!!!!

EMERLEH came over today! She and Brianna took me for a walk, which was fun, except for the dogs along the road... More on them later. And then after that we WENT IN THE CAR!!!!!! Emerleh and Brianna took me to the dog park!!!! I played with a lot of dogs because there were a lot of dogs there!!!! There was a white pit bull and these two big white dogs that looked like German Shepherds and the four of us played together and it was like WHITE PACK ATTACK!!!!!!! And then there was a Boarder Collie/great Pyrenees mix named Lacey and a big black dog named Jet who I played with, and then some sort of mixed breed named Rocky who I couldn't get to stop hitting on me... And meanwhile Brianna and Emerleh were trying to catch me and I was like "HAHHAHHAH no." They even got out the treats! (That's really drastic, considering that the number one rule my people abide by is "never bring treats to the dog park".) I personally did not find them very interesting but I guess they were accosted by another dog (who they claim was "adorable", disgusting, isn't it?) and just kept giving them the Look. They FINALLY caught me. *growl*

And then when we got home, Brianna gave me a bath. Brianna. Gave ME. A bath!!!

Yes. This picture expresses my feeling exactly. I was not a happy dog at that point.

In any case, I'm freaking out. Dad still hasn't come home!!! Has he left me forever?!

Oh oh oh oh oh my goodness!

Yesterday was a Monday, which was saddening, but not very much, because I came with them and we went to the dog park. But when we got to the dog park after waiting for them, they had a FRIEND WITH THEM!!!!!! Brianna said something about 4H being canceled, so there was no obedience training today! I didn't really pay attention to Brianna's friend at that point, because I was busy playing with my buddies. I had so much fun! I found this tennis ball. But not just any tennis ball, this one was special. What I mean is that there are always tennis balls at the dog park, but these ones were AMAZING. THEY SQUEAKED. THEY WERE SQUEAKY TENNIS BALLS. I REALLY REALLY REALLY WANT SOME!!!!! I wouldn't give it up! I ran around for like an hour with this amazing ball in my mouth and I was SO HAPPY!!!!!

Of course, at some point or another, they decided they needed to round me up. Stupid owners... Rounding me up is completely unnecessary, duhh. I didn't want to! I kept getting just out of their reach, hah hah! But then this one random lady fooled me by holding up my tennis ball when I dropped it and walking over near Mom and Brianna. Brianna put me on my leash and thanked her. I was mortified. But I did have a wonderful time!

Now this fantastic friend of Brianna's was named Leah. I love her! Brianna has a pair of jeans and some shirts that smell just like her, (teenage girls do something called "sharing clothes", but I don't understand that because dogs don't wear clothing or share.) But Leah smells just like another dog! Leah says that her dog's name is Maggie, and she's a Beagle. I can't wait to meet her, which Leah says I will someday!

We had a ton of fun! They walked me! And I got under their feet while they cleaned the bathroom! And then this morning I slept in the hallway while they stood in the bathroom and smeared stuff on each other's faces (which I totally do not understand.) I was just really happy to have a new friend. But it was sad because Leah left. She left!!! She and Brianna and Mom went out this afternoon and she didn't come back!!! I was horrified.

But I love new people friends!!! They always love me and I always love them!!!

Oh my milkbones!

Has it really been almost a month since I wrote a post?! I am so sorry!!! You see, I haven't had hardly any time because Brianna has been working me like... Well, a dog!

Besides frequent trips to the dog park, the occasional noxious bath, sometimes seeing a redhead or other such wonderful person, being outside on my line most the day and sleeping soundly on my pillows the rest of the time, I guess I haven't done a lot. But... Well, this is the interesting news.

You see, as I have said before, Mom and Brianna and even Dad have agreed I need obedience training or they're taking me back to the pound. (Brianna actually had a horrible nightmare about Mom and Dad taking me back to the pound. She freaked out about it for like, a whole day.) So now Mondays are... Painful, actually.

You see, my average Monday looks like this. I might go out on my line in the morning if I beg to go out long and hard enough. And then Mom and Brianna get ready to go. They get dressed and put on their shoes and it's not to take me for a walk! Then they take me outside and instruct me to find a spot and if I don't then they get upset, but then they take me back inside and put me in my crate and leave me!! They leave me all alone for the whole afternoon!!! Like, from noon to 4:30 or so. Now, I know that isn't really that bad. I've talked to dogs at the daycare that on the days they don't go to daycare they have to stay in their crate from early in the morning until night, or end up being cooped up in a little kitchen or something all day. But in my case it isn't fair!!! Mom and Brianna are home with me pretty much all day every day. It's not fair that I have to stay home alone on Mondays!!!

But what's even less fair is this. Awhile after they get home in the afternoons, sometimes Brianna takes me for a walk. And then awhile after that, a car or van comes up the driveway. A nice guy who never scratches my ears is driving and there isn't a crate in the back. And in the front seat is a teenage guy who has a little fluffy dog named Sable on his lap. Sable never wants to play with me, and Brianna and Brian (Brian is the teenage guy) don't let us play anyway. And I have to sit on the floor or the seat and not in a crate and ride in the car! Which would be a lot more fun if I didn't have my walking collar on for the whole afternoon! The really odd thing is that the car or van always sort of smells like Emerleh, and Emerleh always smells like Sable. I don't get how that works...

And then once the car stops and we all get out, we go into this giant room that has a lot of chairs on one side, almost like they're going up the wall in a slope, and a big empty place with a floor covered in sawdust. And there are dogs and dogs and dogs and more dogs all over the place!!! But Brianna yells at me when I bark, and I can't pull on my leash and she won't let me go play!!!! And I have to sit on the ground, surrounded by other dogs while Brianna tells me to do things that don't make sense and gives me inordinate amounts of treats!!! Besides the treats, I really don't like it!! There's this one lady who smells like at least three different dogs who talks to Brianna a lot and even she yells at me for barking. She accused me of having a "hissy fit" yesterday! I was preeety mad.

And I guess what you call all this is obedience training. I sure don't like it at the moment. But everyone tells Brianna that it will get better. I think the part I like best is sitting up in those chairs after we're all done and watching the drill team and agility team practice. I really want to do that. I really want to be on the agility team. But Brianna says I can't do it until I've mastered basic obedience. I also really want to do the drill team. They won first prize at the state fair this year for dog drill team. (I don't know what that means, all I know is that it must be something really important because everybody talks about it!)

Anyway, after that ordeal was over, we get back into the car and I still can't play with Sable! And then they drop us at home and nobody else is home (I still haven't figured out where Mom and Dad go on Monday nights, I know Jared is at work and Rory is hither and thither and wherever, but I can't figure out where Mom and Dad go. Some sort of "meeting" or something.) So Brianna takes the key on her necklace and unlocks the door and we go in and I eat a bowl of food and drink a lot of water and then find something to chew on and then nap until it's bedtime. But last night was different.

It's always really hot in the "livestock pavilion" as they call it. So when we got out it was really nice and cool. And then they dropped us off at home and the porch light was on and they drove away as Brianna was fishing around in her pocket. I didn't know why she wasn't reaching for the key around her neck. I sat, waiting for her to open the door. But she just looked at me and sighed, and then sat down on a chair on the porch. I couldn't understand what she was doing. I wanted to chase bugs but she made me lie down and stay. She yelled at me a lot then, actually, when I wouldn't lie down. Then she got so mad she bopped me on the nose and then I lied down.

It was getting cold out. I mean, I have a fur coat, but I knew Brianna was getting cold. And then she got up and I got up and she walked me around in the grass and then walked over to the blue van which was driveway. For some reason, my crate was still in it. (Mom and Brianna loaded up Mom's van with random stuff and took my crate out and put it in Dad's van and were gone all Saturday and Dad took me to the dog park and I don't know why they haven't moved it back yet.) She put me in the crate and took off the walking collar (thank goodness!) and then got in the front seat. She blew her nose and sighed. I listened to her shifting around and blowing her nose and sighing for awhile. She kept turning on and off the light and poking around in the glovebox. I think she was really bored or something. And then she turned off the light and started messing with the controls on the front seat. She moved it forward and tilted the seat back so she could lie down, and then she moved it back away and put the seat up and sat there, tapping her fingers on the steering wheel. She even honked the horn a couple times. And then she started crying.

I was really confused. What was going on?! Why didn't we just go inside?!

After awhile longer, headlights came up the driveway and Mom and Dad and Jared all pulled in. Brianna got out of the car.

"What are you doing?!" Mom cried, sort of shocked. Brianna slammed the door and threw open the back hatch. I stood up and she put my leash and walking collar back on me.

"How long have you been waiting out here?" Mom sighed as Brianna started going up the walk.

"Since eight-thirty!" she cried, and then burst into tears again.

Well, I couldn't understand why she was being so emotional. I jumped on her but that didn't really help, I guess, because she just yelled at me and dragged me inside. Then she avoided me for the rest of the night. Actually, she avoided everybody.

I don't understand people. They are so fickle. Their emotions are so random. They have such strange ideas.

I'd like to say something. Just one thing before I get any further into this post.

People are weird. And redheads are weirdest.

Eeeeelaina came over this weekend, she was here all Sunday and Monday morning. And then Mom and Brianna and Eeeeeeelaina left and she didn't come back. :( She's just the weirdest person I think I've ever met. Like on Sunday, she and Brianna decided that they should start calling me The White Death. So that's what they've been calling me. They decided I was a super-villain. On the other hand, maybe that's not a bad idea. Maybe I should really become a super-villain......

And take yesterday. Actually, Sunday, too. Brianna and Eeeeeeelaina took me for walks both days, and both days Eeeeeelaina decided that it would be a great idea to pretend to be something called a "juveenille deelinkwent". (I'm pretty sure that's spelled wrong, sorry.) I have no idea what that is. All I know is that there's this one house that's like, four times the size of my house, with a huge garage and a pool and dirt bikes and a pond and a long, paved driveway, and Eeeeeeeelaina decided the best thing to do would be to take a nap in the driveway. So she lied down on the side of the end of the driveway and I (seeing as Brianna put the walking collar on me) decided this was the perfect time to get it off! Brianna laughed her head off and Eeeeelaina was most upset when I stuck my nose in her armpit.

Then that redhead had the audacity to try and make me heel! She didn't give me hardly any leash and told me to heel, over and over again, and kept scolding me for pulling!!! I was so angry I sat right down and refused to move. However, I love her and she loves me and I got over it quickly. She always smells really interesting... Like other dogs and cats and birds and purfume and dirt and paint and things.

This redheaded business is just weird. Here's a picture of me with the "juveenille deelinkwent".

And this is me and Brianna. Kind of unflattering, actually. Brianna's elbow is not actually that big.

Oh, and this is my gorgeous tail.

I think I know what it's like to love.

Today was doggie daycare! And after sitting here thinking for a long time, I figured something out. So here's what I figured out. 

I love being in the center of the pack. I love being the alpha dog. I love leading. I love it. I love running with other dogs. I love being a dog. I love being a popular dog. I love getting walks. I love it. Did I mention that I love loving things??

I love being loved. I love it when Brianna scratches my ears and gives me tummy rubs. I love it when Mom and Dad scratch my ears and give me tummy rubs. I love my tennis balls and I love it when people throw them. I love playing tug-of-war. I love it when I get bacon cheese strips. And peanutbutter. And cheese. And even just milkbones. And I love chewing rawhide and I love chewing my bones and I just love chewing.

I love chasing bugs. I love chasing rabbits. I love chasing cars. I love chasing tennis balls. I love chasing Brianna. I love chasing frogs and toads. I love chasing my tail. 

I love doggie day care. I love the park. I love playing in the park and playing at doggie day care. I love playing with dog friends. I love people friends. I love playing with people friends, like Eeeelaina and Sarah and Emerleh and Rachel. (I love redheads, too, actually. I just think they're weird.) I love coming home from a long day of playing with friends and always having Brianna and Mom and Dad to pet me and love me.

I love it when I get people food in my kibble. I love it when my people play with me. I love it when they tell me they love me and that I'm a silly dog. I love it when they take out my tennis balls and ropes and play with me. I love it when they give me a rawhide or a bone or even an ice cube. I love having people who love me. I love having a home. I love being loved. 

I love knowing that if I ever run away into the woods again, they'll still be there, calling my name. I love knowing that even if they give me baths they still love me. I love being their dog. I love them being my people. I love it when they take me for walks. I love it when Mom and Brianna come into doggie daycare to pick me up and I'm just soooo happy to see them!!! I love how my people never forget me.

I love how I don't need Captain or Deuce to make me happy. I love how I can be single. I love how I can be independent and I don't need to live for anyone else. I love being single. Relationships are often disastrous.

I love wogging. I love emailing with Sammy. I love checking my wog and seeing if anyone has read it. I love writing new posts, even though typing with paws is really hard.

I love being happy. I love being a dog.

I'm very confused.

Well, today Mom and her friend Lisa took me for a walk outside this big place... I don't know what it was! It was really really weird! Mom and Lisa and some other people (there was another dog, too!) sat on these weird benches outside this big open space that would have been perfect to chase things in, only it was all glassed in. And we watched Brianna and one of her brunette friends, Lisa's daughter Sarah, (she's really nice and kinda weird, but much less so then Brianna, because Brianna has red highlights) go around in circles with all these other people I didn't know. Only... They weren't walking!!! It was so weird, they were wearing these weird shoes with round things on the bottoms and sliding all over the place. They weren't moving, only pushing their feet out and sliding, the shoes moved them all by itself!!! It was scary!!! I barked and barked so they took me out and walked me. We found a dog park!!! Mom didn't know about it, she was surprised. I didn't get to go in, but there were a lot of little dogs in there and they barked at me and I wanted to play!!! =(

And then... Well, Mom gave me some water and then some dinner and left it in my crate in a cheap red plastic bowl. I ate the food. And I was still hungry. So I decided to eat the bowl. It was quite delicious. And it was beautifully hole-filled when I was done with it. Like, almost the whole bottom was disconnected from the top, which was beautifully punctured. It was gorgeous. I was so proud of myself. But then Brianna and Mom got me out and found the bowl and yelled at me. And then they took it away and threw it out and didn't even take a picture so I could post it on my wog!!! I was so sad, I loved my bowl. It was just beautiful modern art. =/

Today was really fun!!!!!

I'm sad.

Last night I got laughed at because I was chasing my tail... Supposedly it was hilarious. I did not think so. It was not hilarious, I was upset. I kept seeing it move and I wanted it to stop but it wouldn't stop!! And even when I caught it it still moved and then it kept getting away and I was sliding around in circles on the kitchen floor trying to catch it. I was very perturbed. That was when Dad decided it would be a good idea to throw my tennis balls.

Today I was very bored. I slept all morning because I like sleeping in the morning. Brianna played with me and took me for a walk. Then she and Mom decided to read a book. They put out a rug for me on the living room floor but I didn't feel like sitting, so I wandered around the house and they got upset at me and put me in my crate so they could read their book. I felt sad. Maybe they don't love me as much as they love their book. I mean, they did smear peanut butter on my bone and gave it to me in my box, but maybe they don't like me. What if they take me back to the pound? Mom threatens sometimes, but would she really?? I'm scared.

I want to go chase a rabbit.

Oh boy oh boy oh boy!

Today was SO MUCH FUN!!! I slept all morning, and then we all went out and had FUN!!!! Mom and Dad and Brianna and Jared and I all got in the car and drove and drove. They went to go pick apples, I went because I love exciting things like doing exciting things. And it was exciting! I made a new friend! Her name was Archie and she was a pit bull and we had lots of fun playing together! I also met a big fluffy white thing named Misty who I wanted to be friends with, but she growled at me and wasn't too friendly. She was a snob. But I tried, I really did! And there were two noxious dachshunds named Basil and Pippin who thought they could scare me by yapping loudly at me. I wasn't scared, just annoyed. They thought they were sooooo amazing, it was disgusting. I am obviously the most amazing dog on the planet. And the most beautiful. And the most humble.

So Mom ran me around the orchard while I sniffed everything and Dad and Brianna picked apples. It was amazing. Sooo much fun!

Then after dinner Brianna walked me almost two miles to aid our digestion. (Actually, it was because I was bored and needed a walk.) Some dogs barked at me when we walked by but I was very good and only growled a little and barked twice. I love walking at night with Brianna. It's even better when her friends come along and I get to hear all their secrets. ;) But no, really. Something about night, all the smells sort of get more smelly and wonderful. And there are lots of toads and frogs in the grass by the side of the road. I'm a fierce killer huntress so I try to catch them but Brianna gets mad at me for nearly jerking the leash out of her hand. She doesn't stay mad long, though. What can I say, I'm a fierce killer huntress who charms people.