Do you ever wonder why people don't have tails?

Well, I knew something was afoot (what a strange word, why would you only have one foot?) this morning when Dad was home this morning. And then he and Mom left, and Brianna got out the thingy that makes all the noise that you run back and forth over the floor -- that's it, the vacuum, that's what it's called. And she put me in my box and vacuumed the entire house. Like, the whole thing. And besides disrupting my midmorning nap, I went to all that work making the floors nice. It took me two weeks to get all those clumps of hair everywhere! In fact, in the den it was so lovely that the entire carpet looked heathered. It was absolutely stunning, but she just HAD to go and CLEAN. Oh well, I always lose hair, so I'll always decorate the house....

And then I chewed on my favorite tennis ball all afternoon. Since it's my favorite, I pulled most of the fabric part off of it. It was tasty. Then I went out on my line and Dad made a lot of noise in the driveway and the next thing I knew he was sitting on this weird thing with two round wheel things and it was taking him down the driveway! I barked! And barked! And then he came back and I was confused.

Mom cooked hamburgers today. She wanted to give me one, but Dad and Brianna wouldn't let me have one. After dinner, the unthinkable happened. Dad put me on my walking collar and leash and took me for a walk. But then when we got inside he didn't take off the leash. He took of my pink collar, the one around my neck. I knew I was done for. I have maintained my dirty state for so long. Such a comforting place to be...

Brianna said "Carly, it's your night! You lucky dog!" and I knew at that moment that she was a terrible, terrible liar, so I ran into my box. She picked up the leash and a bag of treats and we went down to the bathroom. I tried to lie down on my pillow on the way, but she wouldn't let me. And I even gave Dad a really cute, sad look and rubbed my nose on his legs, but he wouldn't let me go, either! So I got a bath. At least Brianna gave me lots of treats. But then I came out and Dad had taken out my nice hair-encrusted rug and put in a clean blanket. I don't know how to feel about that. And now I'm clean. I don't know if I like being clean. I'm also quite undecided on how I feel about being clean.

They said I had to be clean for tomorrow. But I'm not sure what tomorrow is. Mom says it's a party. But what kind of party? And why? And I'm really excited at this idea. I love parties!

OH OH OH OH

OH MY GOSH YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENED YESTERDAY?!?!?! Oh, you don't know, do you? Because I don't even know who "you" is and you certainly didn't see what happened today unless you were one of the people who were there, but you'd better not be because if my people find out I write a wog, well, I don't know what will happen.

Anyways, yesterday was doggie daycare. I played and played and you know what? I even got in the pool! And then I rolled in the dust! And when Mom and Brianna showed up to take me home, they were rather upset at my new color and damp, slimy texture. So they brushed me off, right there in the parking lot. Why, I'm not quite sure. Then I got in my crate but instead of going home, we drove and drove and drove...

And we came out at this house! It was a big house with lots of flowers and grass outside and a lot of snurfability. And it smelled like other dogs! OTHER DOGS. And Mom and Brianna took me in and there were PEOPLE!!!! There were two girls and two boys and a nice lady and they all hugged me and pet me and said what a nice dog I was, and then they brought in three other dogs!!! THREE OTHER DOGS!!!! There was a huge fluffy white one named Gemini, and then there was a huge fuzzy black one named Judah and then there was a big golden puppy named Wilby. And they sniffed me and I sniffed them and I wanted to play, but I couldn't because Brianna had the dumb walking collar on me.

And then Brianna and Mom just talked to the people for a long time and I had to just sit there but Brianna finally took me outside and put me in my crate and then a few minutes later they came back out. OH OH OH it was just so exciting! I don't know what the meaning of it all was, but it was so very very very exciting! And I love exciting things!

Pants smell amazing.

I'm really quite an awful wogger, aren't I? I'm sorry, May is a crazy month. I expect to be wogging more now that it's almost summer, though. Isn't that a cheerful thought? Summer is always a cheerful thought... Dog parks... Long walks... Bugs to chase.... FROGS to chase.... Rabbits to chase.... Friends coming over.... Mmmmm, maybe Mom will even give me ice cream again! That would be wonderful, wouldn't it?

Well, I never told you what happened with the puff ball, did I? She was here for two weeks. On the last day, we both lost our tempers and had to go in our boxes. Then she and I were in our crates in the car and my people got her out but not me and then they took her someplace and a lady got her and then took her inside a house and she was gone! It was actually nice.... I was pretty frustrated with her not wanting to play. So that was that.....

Last week was crazy -- my people had picnics and parties and then this thing called a ball. and I said A BALL?!?!?! YOU'RE GOING TO A BALL AND NOT BRINGING ME?!?!?! HOW CAN YOU GO TO A BALL?!?! YOU PLAY WITH BALLS, YOU DON'T GO TO THEM!!!!! I mean, you can drive to the dog park to get a ball, but why would you do that?! And why did they go without me?! I'm still not understanding the concept.

All week, Brianna had this shiny cloth stuff and she had Emerleh over, and Emerleh's mom and older sister and they all cut pieces out of the shiny cloth and then they got out this scary white thing that sits on the table and Brianna sat at and stuck the shiny cloth into and then it went "WRRH WRRH WRRH" and made big scary noises and I don't know what happened then because I always ran and hid in my box. She did this like, all week. And then whenever she got the shiny cloth and I tried to sniff it she'd yell at me that I was getting noseprints on it. Noseprints? What's wrong with noseprints? Their like fingerprints, only slightly nosier. And she shouldn't complain about my noseprints when her fingerprints are all over it!

So then she put on this outrageous thing -- it was huge and billowous and made of the same shiny fabric but I don't know how that could be! And she put it all on over this puffy thing and it was like clothing. And then she trounced off with Mom and Dad (and Dad shaved his beard off part way and it looked funny and Brianna just burst out into spontaneous laughter for two days every time she looked at him) and met up with Emerleh and Eeeeelaina and Rachel and Leah and Sarah and all her other friends and they did things -- and I don't know what, I just saw pictures of them all in the same sort of outfit.

And I still don't understand why it's called a ball. As far as I could see, whatever they did had NOTHING to do with tennis balls. Or soccer balls, or baseballs or footballs or any other sort of thing like that at all. Can somebody explain this to me?

Speak?

Awhile back, Brianna stood in the kitchen with treats. I mean, the really good kind of treat. The meaty kind of treat. And she had the clicky thingie that she clicks when I did something right and she's going to give me a treat. (I kind of dropped out of dog club... Well, Brianna did. Supposedly because I was humiliating her, but I have no idea what she's talking about there. I think it was because she's had oodles (are oodles like poodles, only less fluffy?) of schoolwork to do, and a college math class with lots of homework. But that's my personal speculation.) Anyway. So she took that little box, you know the one I told you about a long time ago? She held it in one hand with the treat and clicky thing in the other, and then kept saying "speak!" and then she would push a button and it would bark.

I just looked at her. I knew she'd gone utterly crazy, finally. When it gets sunnier out, her hair gets more red. Therefore, she also gets crazier. She's just a little auburn, so she will never be a true redhead, for which I am sad. But redheads are a rare race and if you have one, you can consider yourself lucky. Anyhow, she kept making the box bark. I don't know what she was trying to accomplish. I finally got disgruntled enough that I yipped.

She clicked! I got the treat! She said "good speak!" and we kept doing this, over and over again, over the course of two days. I still don't understand why she wants me to bark, she scolds me for barking at the neighbors. But I guess this is different? So that is the story of how I learned to speak. Sit and Lie Down and Shake and High Five and Roll Over and Dance and Spin and Turn all have very boring explanations. So this is your interesting explanation of what it's like to be a dog. Whoever said "it's a dog's life" had absolutely no idea. NO idea. Absolutely NO idea.

Oh my goodness, it's spring!

It's spring! I'm so excited! Mostly all the snow has melted and that means... MUUDD!!! I LOVE MUD. I ABSOLUTELY ADORE MUD. Because you know what mud means? THE DOG PARK. The dog park is a mud pit right now.... And I know it very well. I've been three times in the last couple weeks. And I've gotten three baths. Can you believe that? That's the thing about mud, you need baths with it. And I've also been shedding a lot, because spring means it's shedding season. I don't mind, but Mom and Brianna do a lot of vacuuming and Dad is always picking clumps of hair off things.

I'm sorry about not wogging... and I realized that if I actually wogged more I could have a really nice wog. But I just don't feel like wogging when nothing interesting happens to me anymore. I mean, really, lately the only interesting things around are robins (there are flocks of them that Brianna won't let me bark at) and the dog park, swamp-spattered and elusive though it may be.

Life has gotten into such a dull routine, I'm bored. It's the same every day. We all got lazy over the winter. And I gained weight!! Brianna picked me up and stood me on the scale the other day. I'm 52 pounds!! I gained eight pounds over the winter!! Does this make fat? Oh dear, do I need to go on a diet? Because I sure as heck don't want to go on a diet. I LOVE CHEESE. AND I LOVE PEANUT BUTTER. AND I LOVE MEAT. I'M A DOG, I LIVE FOR FOOD. Mom says I still have a lovely, sfelt (sfelt? Is that the word?) figure, but I'm getting a little nervous... I don't want to be a pudgy dog. But she also says I'll burn it all off at the dog park. So I guess I'm ok.

I just wish something interesting would happen. Something really, really, really interesting. Hmm. What would make life more interesting? I know! I wish we had another dog! But that's not going to happen. Now Mom cries over dog stories, but she still says she doesn't want another. What an insult to my race... Anyway, another dog to play with would make life interesting. But you know what else would be interesting? An escape. I haven't escaped since February, and that was lots of fun. I should do that again.

NOT FAIR!!!!

IT'S NOT FAIR!!!!!! Brianna walks me almost every day. Sometimes I have to bother her until she walks me, but unless I go to daycare or the dog park, she walks me two miles a day. But it's NOT FAIR!!!! She won't let me play or even bark at all the other dogs down the road!!!! Can you believe that?! She yelled at me when the two Corgis at 135 and I tried to have a decent conversation! We didn't even get past the introduction! (I caught the one's name, he was called Charleston Shoe, but I couldn't catch the girl's name.) It's very upsetting. And that Husky and I never get anywhere because Brianna doesn't stop to let me chat. She just drags me along saying "no!" It's a terrible pity because I think we could be great friends, but noooo!

Oh, and the big black dog at the end of the road is always outside and always tells me to get away from his property. When I go to retort, Brianna tells me not to. Does she expect me to just take that lying down?! I don't think so! But what really galls me the most (hmm, gall. Is that like ball? No, being galled means you're angry, but when you have a ball, you're happy. The English language is so strange) is that when I try to let all my would-be buddies know that I'm outside, she tells me not to! I want them to know I'm here, if they don't know I'm out there then how will we ever get acquainted? The whole thing is just very annoying. Does anyone have any tips on how to get away with barking? Because lately my people think I've been doing too much of it.

Not that I am, of course. Do they really expect me just to not say anything all day every day, I'd like to know! Sometimes I just feel like having a civilized discussion. It's a pity the only language my people speak is human. Dog is the only language with any sort of distinction. Each breed has it's own sort of dialect, and then of course there are regional differences, and every individual dog has it's own way of phrasing things (like how redheads say "eh" instead of "ee", as in "puppeh", or how Brianna puts "bob" or "obob" onto the ends of words, as in "buddybob" or "doggieobob"). But all and all, it's a very refined way of talking, and people just don't understand.

I must echo a question from one of those inane musicals my people love so much. "Why can't the English learn to speak?" Or maybe it should be "Why can't the English learn to bark?" Only I don't think we're English. I'm not sure. So let's just leave it at "Why can't the people learn to bark?"

A thingy!

Mom and Brianna brought me home a thingy! I don't know what it is, but it looks furry and it makes a jingly noise and I KNOW it's mine because it looks a little like my rabbit but not really anything like it. In any case, they won't let me play with it, and I don't know why, because it's obviously mine!

Mom says it's something called a "stocking". But I don't know what that means? She says it will be filled with goodies and treats, but why won't she just give it to me?? It looks fun! I would post a picture, but Mom hid it somewhere in her bedroom, and I'm not allowed in there. =(

I think it has something to do with this Christmas thing. I've heard tell of something else unusual pertaining to this alleged holiday. (I have a great vocabulary for a puppy, don't I?) It's called Santa Claws and I don't get it. He supposedly gives toys and treats to good children and puppies on this day called Christmas. My people keep saying how silly it is that people believe in him because he isn't real. But if he isn't real then why do people talk about him?

On the other hand, he CAN'T be real. After all, why is he known for his claws? That doesn't seem very nice. They could have named him after his ears or tail or nose or even his paws, but his claws? How does that make sense? So I don't believe in him, whoever he may be.

Guard the house?

My people have this odd thing they say when they put me in my crate and leave me. They say: "guard the house, Carly." And then when they leave me in my crate in the car for awhile while they do something, they say "guard the car, Carly."

What does this mean? What is guarding something? Maybe I should Google it. Ok, here we go:

"noun: guard; plural noun: guards
1. watch over in order to protect or control.

2.

 a person who keeps watch, esp. a soldier or other person formally assigned to protect a person or to control access to a place."

Oooh, I get it! kind of...not really...I guess maybe...I'm not sure, I'm just a dog! When I adopted my people, they never told me I'd have to do anything! Especially to watch and protect something! On the other hand, I'm very good at watching things... I watch birds and rabbits and things out the window all day long......

But I guess they mean something else, because you know what Brianna said the other day? Somebody came to the door, and I just sat there wagging my tail and grinning and she said:

"You know, you could be a fierce watchdog and actually bark when someone comes to the door!"

Besides, everyone is my friend! Why would I bark at them for no reason other than the fact they were pulling into the driveway and coming up the steps?? It doesn't make sense!

I don't get it? Why would I need to bark at anybody?? Rabbits and birds and squirrels and deer (ooh, I get excited just thinking about it!!) and other dogs, too, but people?! I love everybody, the only person I bark at is Mom because I know she always puts me out on my line when I bark at her!

As I was saying earlier

This Christmas thing, right? Well it must be REALLY special because it even has special music! It's really nice music, too. With Brass sections! (I don't know exactly what that means, but they're Brianna's like, favorite thing. I wasn't supposed to tell, actually. Nobody but Mom knows that she has this deep dark secret about brass sections. She LOVES them. All the songs she plays over and over have brass sections!)

So Brianna has been playing all this really special music, but she doesn't have too much of it, so it's getting annoying. Especially the brass sections. I'm not sure what I think of brass sections yet. What is "brass" anyway? Is it like grass?? Can I eat it??

She laughed at me the other day for barking at her radio. I don't know why she was laughing, there were people talking coming out of it (I don't get how that works?) and then her radio started barking! I was sleeping on her rug and just sat up and yapped at it. She was laughing hysterically. I don't see why! There was obviously a dog stuck inside her radio that I needed to go play with. I was very confused. She said "it's just an ad," but I don't know what that means, and she wouldn't let me go play with the dog in the radio! Can someone tell her that she wasn't being very nice? She wouldn't listen to me!

My people, you see, are all under the delusion that they are smarter than me. I hope they don't mind when I say that THEY ARE NOT.

Totes not fair.

Today I got jipped. It was not fair. I waited in my crate in the car ALL MORNING to go to the dog park! And then Mom and Brianna didn't take me because they claimed it was "haleing". Not raining, "haleing". (Well, actually, they said it was raining, too, but that's beside the point.) That's why I don't believe them. I don't believe such a thing as "hale" exists. It was all an excuse not to go to the dog park!!! I was horrified!!! So I made a general nuisance of myself once we got home until I felt justified.

Ok, so maybe that wouldn't have been so bad. But they added insult to injury when Mom decided to clean. She used the "vackume" cleaner. (Not sure how that's spelled. Oh wait, spell checker! Spell checker, you will never know how much I love you. I'm a dog, so my spelling isn't that great, and although I hate to admit it, it's true.) Anyway, I don't know exactly what it's for, but she runs it along the floor and it makes an awful noise. And then she says that if it weren't for all my hair she wouldn't need to use it so much, which I don't understand. What's wrong with having a lot of hair?! Brianna has a lot of hair, but Mom doesn't yell at her... (Actually, I guess she used to before they brought me home. Mom used to tell Brianna she should cut her hair so there weren't giant hair clots all over. Brianna personally thanked me for shedding more than her.) In any case, I don't like the vacuum cleaner. (Why on earth would someone put two Us right next to each other in the same word?! So stupid, I should write the English language.)

Bacon? Cheese? Did somebody say bacon cheese?!

Brianna was listening to the CRAZIEST song earlier. It went like this:

"Bacon, bacon, bacon oh, like bacon, bacon, bacon, noooooo, I thought you'd always be mine."

It was depressing. The mere thought that bacon might not always be mine?! That's horrible. Also, what normal human would write a song about bacon? Just wondering...

It's also ridiculous. Because MOM JUST BOUGHT MORE BACON CHEESE STRIPS!!!!!!!!!!! She said they were having a sale and she got another whole bag of them!!!!! I'm SOOO HAPPY!!!!! AAAGGGG BACON!!!!!!!!!!!

And they wonder why I bark when I'm out on my line. Because I'm filled with joyous anticipation at the thought of BACON!!!!!! (I also just rythmed. Which, for a dog, I think is quite impressive. Don't mind that I can't spell rithymed. I know it has a Y in it, and starts with an R, but I can't quite figure it out... It's too much like rithum. You know what I mean?)

BACON BACON BACON BACON HOW I LOVE THEE!!!!!!!!!

Also today I had a lot of excitement....! I got to ride in the car! And when Dad got me out, there was Kayley! And her sister, Nicci, who is just as much fun as Kayley! And they petted me and loved me! And I loved them!

I love Kayley. She's shorter than Brianna and Rory's age. She's Rory's friend. What makes me sad is when she stops by some nights and only stays for five minutes before leaving! Seriously, you can't even begin to play with a puppy in five minutes!!! SOMEBODY needs to tell her that!!! But when I bark at her and try to tell her, everyone just gets mad at me, which is not fair. How else am I supposed to let people know what I mean?!

Peopleh have strange ideas about grammareh.

I am not quite sure what's up with the eh on the end of things... But that's how Brianna does it! She says "puppyeh" and "doggyeh" and Emerleh (which isn't actually her name, but I don't remember what her name is, but a couple redheads started and Brianna picked up) and all sorts of other weird things... She also calls Eeeeeelaina "EEELOINA" and then Eeeeelaina gets all mad at Brianna and yells "DON'T CALL ME EEELOINA, BREEONA!" and then Brianna gets mad at her for calling her "BREEONA". But they have an agreement. If Brianna calls her "EEELOINA" then Eeeeelaina can call her "BREEONA". I don't get it... Brianna also says things like "I wuvs chu" and "I ish sowwy". I'm pretty sure she learned all that from a redhead. Or more than one.

Not to say I don't like redheads. I mean, I think I probably put them in a negative light sometimes. But I really do love redheads! They're not angry or twitty like brunettes. *looks at Brianna* I mean, I've really never met a redhead I didn't like! They're funny and energetic and thoughtful and creative people! Not to mention it's hard to find a true redhead like Eeeelaina or Rachel. There are a lot of dyed redheads out there nowadays and its sad. I hate posers. And redheaded posers are the worst. They pretend to be a redhead but it's easy to see through that guise and you can tell that underneath they are just dirty blondes or brunettes trying to have a redhead nature and failing miserably. People like that ought to get professional help and see a therapist. Also dye their hair back to their original color. Because once a redhead, always a redhead. And once a not-redhead, never a redhead.

Anyways... I really do love redheads. They always make me so happy because they are so happy to see me! Even when they're half asleep they still have (actually, especially have) effervescent personalities. (I don't know what that word means, and Mom always tells Brianna not to use a word if she doesn't know what it means, but Brianna called me it so it must be complimentary.) So yeeeah...

There's a "dog grooming" place in the mall. I put it in quotes because I looked at their flyer and I'm pretty sure they're for miniature poodles. They do facials and spa treatments and of course, hair cuts and baths and nail clipping. *shudder* They can also condition your fur and paint your toenails and dye your fur and then they give you a complementary bow or bandana. And it's all very overpriced and their flyer had so many typos and misspellings and capitalization errors and inconsistency it wasn't even funny. First of all, Brianna says that if they can't even get their flyer right, she's not intrusting her dog to them. "They're running a business. That is unprofessional and irresponsible. If they can't even spell the name of the road they're located on right, or at least use spellchecker, what does that say about them as a business? That they're lazy and my dog won't be well-groomed." Mom scolded her for making snap judgements about people because of their grammar and spelling, but I think she secretly agrees with her... Mom and Brianna are both spelling and grammar nuts. I am a well-raised dog.

But on a more practical level, I would not go there for all the bacon cheese strips in the world. What self-respecting dog would let someone give them a facial?! Why on earth does my fur need conditioning?! It's not long and within two days they'll just say I need another bath, anyway! But if I wasn't so adamantly apposed to the idea, also to the idea of redhead posers, I would totally agree to having my fur dyed red.....

Speaking of bacon cheese strips, I think we're out. ='(

I'd like to say something. Just one thing before I get any further into this post.

People are weird. And redheads are weirdest.

Eeeeelaina came over this weekend, she was here all Sunday and Monday morning. And then Mom and Brianna and Eeeeeeelaina left and she didn't come back. :( She's just the weirdest person I think I've ever met. Like on Sunday, she and Brianna decided that they should start calling me The White Death. So that's what they've been calling me. They decided I was a super-villain. On the other hand, maybe that's not a bad idea. Maybe I should really become a super-villain......

And take yesterday. Actually, Sunday, too. Brianna and Eeeeeeelaina took me for walks both days, and both days Eeeeeelaina decided that it would be a great idea to pretend to be something called a "juveenille deelinkwent". (I'm pretty sure that's spelled wrong, sorry.) I have no idea what that is. All I know is that there's this one house that's like, four times the size of my house, with a huge garage and a pool and dirt bikes and a pond and a long, paved driveway, and Eeeeeeeelaina decided the best thing to do would be to take a nap in the driveway. So she lied down on the side of the end of the driveway and I (seeing as Brianna put the walking collar on me) decided this was the perfect time to get it off! Brianna laughed her head off and Eeeeelaina was most upset when I stuck my nose in her armpit.

Then that redhead had the audacity to try and make me heel! She didn't give me hardly any leash and told me to heel, over and over again, and kept scolding me for pulling!!! I was so angry I sat right down and refused to move. However, I love her and she loves me and I got over it quickly. She always smells really interesting... Like other dogs and cats and birds and purfume and dirt and paint and things.

This redheaded business is just weird. Here's a picture of me with the "juveenille deelinkwent".

And this is me and Brianna. Kind of unflattering, actually. Brianna's elbow is not actually that big.

Oh, and this is my gorgeous tail.

I got away without a bath today!!!

I went to doggie daycare and got totally filthy! It was wonderful. All I could think about was how good it felt to run and jump and play ALL DAY LONG. I was soooo tired at the end of the day. I'm almost totally zonked out right now.

But you know what's even better?! I heard Mom say something about how I was going back again tomorrow!!! There's something weird going on, though. There was all this weird stuff in the yard, like boards and shiny sheets of things and a big square thing and I don't know why. Mom said something about "roofers". But what's a "roofer"? That sounds kind of like "woofer". I wonder why they don't want me around. It sounds exciting!

On the other hand, I really don't mind going to daycare again tomorrow... ;)

Hashtags

What is the point of a hashtag? Why is a little box made of lines called a hashtag? Hash is delicious meat -- not that I've ever had it, but I've smelled it. Trust me, its delicious. And tags are the clinky things on my collar. So when you put them together, you should get my I.D. covered in delicious meat. But you get a funny symbol that is, according to Brianna, supposed to go with numbers. It goes in front of words and phrases that are all lowercase and smushed together?? Why??? What does it mean?!

Ok, so I just Googled it. I guess it's supposed to show how you feel and everything, fast. But its just weird...

People, hello! Get a life and start listening to dogs! If you listened to us brilliant canines, you wouldn't make up bizarre things that make no sense, like hashtags! You would make up more hash!!! And give us more tennis balls and peanut butter!!! And BACON CHEESE STRIPS. I haven't had a bacon cheese strip in over a week!!! I'm freaking out!!!! I want one so bad, they're sitting up on top of the fridge and I think they totally forgot about them!!!

So hashtags are dumb and I won't use them. Ever. Only dumb humans use hashtags. On the other hand, hash IS delicious. Maybe I'll start using hashtags. Just because I like the idea of hash. And my tags. Mmmmmmm yum.

More about blogs.

You know how before I said it would be a good idea to change "blog" to "wog"? Well, I decided that's an even better idea than I thought at first. You know why?

Wog sounds like wag!

Things that make me happy make me wag my tail. Things that make me happy make me write my blog. It makes sense!

I really do wag my tail, by the way. My people claim I wag my whole butt, but that is not true. I don't wag my butt, I wag my tail and it just sort of... carries down! (I wish they'd stop calling me Wigglebutt. That's how Brianna greeted me this morning. She was upset when I came in and jumped on her bed and stuck my nose in her face. And then when I got off her bed, she was upset when I started barking at her because I wanted to play. Actually, I wanted my morning dose of cheese.) So, all and all, it should be called a wog.

Better yet, what if it wasn't a web-log, what if it was a wag-log? Like a log of all the times I wagged my tail? Oh wait, never mind, I'd be posting about two million times a day. So nix that idea. But naming it wog would still be a good idea. In fact... It is a good idea! I think I'll call my blog a wog!

I'm kinda bored right now. I think I'll go bark until I get a bacon cheese strip.

Thoughts on my name and Brianna's bizarre friends.

Why? Just why?!

Brianna has a bunch of psycho friends. The weird ones are brunettes. The really weird ones are redheads. The half-blondes are on the verge of being normal. (Brianna is a brunette with red highlights, which says a lot when you consider the above statement.)

One day they were naming zits. (I don't get it. I don't get zits, but whatever.) The super-weird redhead told her younger almost-as-weird redheaded sister that she should name her zits Shiniqua and Bonquiqui. Now Brianna is saying they should have named me Bonquiqui. And she's been CALLING me Bonquiqui. I don't answer to it. Mom calls me Snurf-dog. And they've just started calling me El Doggo. Yesterday the younger-psycho redhead came over. She kept calling me Carls.

I do not get these people! My name is Carly! I am not Bonquiqui or Snurf-dog or El Doggo or even Carlybob. Please, get a life, people! Why do they think that just because I'm a dog they can come up with all sorts of weird names for me?! If I could talk (gee, I wish I could) and if I started calling Brianna Pootykins, I think she might not be too happy with me. How does she think I feel, calling me El Doggo and Bonquiqui?! People don't go around calling other people weird names! (Unless of course you are one of Brianna's group of weird friends... They call each other George and Bob. Actually, they add the suffix "obob" onto almost everything they say. It's so weirdobob. They also have weird nicknames for each other, like Duncan and Jody. The half-blonde with braces is Glimmer Grin. Brianna is Can O'Pepper because of her braces and her addiction to the stuff. Give me a break, people. We're given names at birth for a reason.)

I JUST DON'T GET PEOPLE!!!!!! Can't they just think like dogs?! It would actually make sense then!!!

You know what "blog" sounds like?

"Blog" sounds sort of like "blah dog". I think it's not a very nice name for the blogging canines out there. I mean, if you told that to Google or whatever and asked them to change Blogger to Web-Logger (which is what it should be, considering that a blog was originally a web-log), they wouldn't listen. Even if you got a petition of dogs to sign it, they still wouldn't listen. That's the thing. Dogs aren't considered smart enough to have a say in the world. Which, if you ask me, just isn't very fair. We're just like people, only with four legs. And furry and cuter and... Well, dogs. But dogs are just as good as people!

I mean, they could even change it to "wog", which sounds more like web-log than blog. Guaranteed, it sounds like something that could possibly offend a frog. But frogs are dumb. I have never heard of a frog, or even a toad, who kept a journal, much less blogged. So if they changed blog to wog they could save lots of dog clientele. I believe that maybe the reason there are so few dog bloggers is that they're all offended. Also that they're not smart enough to write a blog. And their owners probably stop before they type their password in in front of the dog. Puppies look innocent, but so do hackers.

On the other hand... Maybe I don't want other dogs to start blogging. It's nice to be unique. And if other dogs started, one of my people would probably find my blog. I don't want them to find it, because then they might make me stop... Being a dog who writes is very fun.

In any case, the frogs aren't even worth considering. The reason there are no blogs written by frogs is because frogs are too dumb to write blogs. Also it might be hard to type when you're that small. The only things frogs are good for is chasing and eating. Take it from someone who knows.