I feel sorry for people.

They have such short noses. How do they smell anything?! I suppose they must smell something because they often comment that I smell "doggie" and I need a bath. But that's just how twisted their smell is! I don't smell "doggie", I smell like me! Which is a beautiful scent, by the way. Dogs don't need showers and whatnot like people do. Dogs are much cleaner than people. People get dirty doing all sorts of things. Dogs get dirty in dirt and then they sit down and lick themselves. That is cleanliness, if you ask me. People aren't actually smart enough to lick themselves.

Which brings me to another point... Why do people stand in the bathroom several minutes a day with a plastic stick, rubbing it around in their mouth? It's to get their teeth clean. And the rest of their mouth. But that's unnecessary! And now Brianna and Mom are talking about how I need toothbrushing.

WHAT?! No way!!! I chew rawhides, that's how I clean my teeth. Dogs do not need things stuck in their mouth. Somebody rescue me, please! These people want to keep me clean!

In fact, yesterday Brianna gave me a bath. I HATE BATHS. I HATE baths!!! Brianna put my walking collar on me (which is torture in itself, she claims I look like a ninja dog, but that doesn't make it any better) and when she took me outside and I saw the kiddie pool, I sat on the ground and wouldn't move. She actually picked me up. Can you believe that?! She picked up all 42 pounds of me and put me in the water!!! And then she squirted shampoo on me and rubbed it in. That wasn't so bad. But then she got the bucket and started pouring water over me! At that, I jumped out of the kiddie pool. I made her chase me around the yard trying to pour water on me. Of course, since I was on a leash, it didn't work very well. And I still got wet. I was not happy. And she got mad at me when I rolled around in the yard! I was trying to get the walking collar off, but also to get dry. She dragged me up and told me I couldn't do it.

I think she probably hates me. I mean, she gave me a tummy-rub after that, but I think she's still mad at me. I'm sort of still mad at her. I love my people, but only to an extent...