#insecure

(Well, I did say I was going to start using hashtags...)

I'm feeling very insecure and heartbroken. Rory called me "dumber than a brick" last night. He never wants to play with me. I think he hates me. He always tells me to go away and never pets me. He makes jokes about Indian food and using a Pomeranian for footballs. (Never mind I think that'd be a great use for a Pomeranian... But it's the principle of the thing!) I think he hates me.

Maybe I am dumb. Maybe I really am. Maybe I'm stupid. Maybe nobody loves me. Maybe I'm just not worth it. Maybe it's all an act to make me think they love me. Maybe they really will take me back to the pound. Maybe I'm ugly. Maybe my nose is too long and my ears are too big. Maybe my fur is too rough and my feet are all wrong. Maybe I'm just a stupid, worthless dog. Maybe... I don't know. Maybe. Just maybe.

Who am I? Some nights I lie awake and wonder who I am. Ok. So I'm Carly. I don't remember who I was before, but I know I wasn't Carly. At the SPCA I was Carla and I don't remember what my name was at the other place. Who am I?? Am I a Husky or a Lab or both? Do I have Greyhound in me like Brianna thinks? Who were my parents? Why did I have bad owners before? Why do my people love me now? Do they really love me? Why am I afraid all the time? Why are there scary, mean people out there? Does anyone really love me?

Does Deuce like me? I don't think Captain does, he's been ignoring me lately. I think he likes Keera. :( But Deuce and I have been playing a lot lately. I really like him, but does he like me? If he doesn't like me, am I still worth anything? If he doesn't like me, will life go on?

Who am I? Why am I like this? Where did I come from?