Ok! So guess what!

Yesterday was dog club thing. Brianna hasn't taken me in weeks because she's been frustrated with me. But Mom made her go.

I'm kind of tired of being bad, actually. I mean, I'm almost two years old. I can't keep acting like a puppy, can I? I'm going to be old soon. So I decided to try being good. I sat and stayed and walked next to her and didn't bark too much (except at a couple dogs who I like to bark at). And you know something? It was really nice! I got a lot of really good treats -- I'm not talking milkbones, she gave me steak bites and chicken meatballs and beef sausage, also regular crunchy ones. And she was really happy with me afterwards! She usually is really tired and doesn't want to talk to me after obedience classes. But this time she kept saying how proud she was of me and she hugged me a lot. She was especially happy because this one dog named Poppy barked and jumped and yelped at me, but I didn't do anything.

Oh! Oh! Oh! And I got to run through a tunnel and go over jumps! (I was a little occupied barking at the instructor's dog, but it was a lot of fun.) Three people said that I would be really good at agility! I really want to do agility. I think it would be fun. It looks like fun. Drill team looks kind of boring, but agility looks like lots of fun. Brianna says if we fence in the back yard for me, she'll build me an agility set up. That would be a lot of fun!

Can you believe it?!

Do you know what my people did to me?! Well, I shouldn't say "my people" because it was all Mom's idea!! They took me to the dog park. Well, that was a lot of fun. It was all snowy and I played with lots of dogs and I actually didn't get dirty, which was unusual. But anyway. And then, and then, and then do you KNOW WHAT THEY DID?

I will tell you what they did! They took me to that place, the, um, the thing, what's it called? The pet shop, that's it! The place where the live rabbits are right next to the dog toys! Oh oh oh oh I love rabbits! They're so furry and chaseable and very evasive, which upsets me... But wait, I'm getting ahead of myself. They didn't let me look at the rabbits (how unfair is that, I even asked for one for Christmas, and do you think I got one, nooo!) and they took me to the back of the store and gave me to a couple ladies who tied me up and put a thing on my nose and then attacked my paws and chopped off all my nails!! I can't believe anybody would be that cruel!!! It is SO NOT FAIR. One of the ladies even works at the doggie daycare!!! This is tyrannical and mean and VILE. I HATE having my nails clipped. In fact, I don't even like anyone touching my paws. Can you BELIEVE they actually did that to me?! I can't.

On the other hand, Emerleh showed up today. She stole my tennis ball, which seemed unkind to me. But she did throw it for me, which was nice of her.

Speaking of tennis balls... I only have one now. You know why? Because my favorite one disappeared. I was just starting to break it in -- it was all squishy and turning kind of brownish and the fabric was peeling away -- and then I finally got it open and chewed it up! I was proud of myself. And then I got put out on my line, and I swear, I wasn't out there more than ten minutes, and when I came back in, IT WAS GONE. I looked EVERYWHERE for it, but it was gone!! I'm pretty sure Brianna threw it out. How nasty is that? That's just plain low. If I threw out her purse, how would she feel? I mean, it's getting worn out, and I don't think she chews on it, but she does carry it everywhere. And If I threw it out, don't you think she might be upset? So why'd she have to go throw out my tennis ball?!

NOT FAIR!!!!

IT'S NOT FAIR!!!!!! Brianna walks me almost every day. Sometimes I have to bother her until she walks me, but unless I go to daycare or the dog park, she walks me two miles a day. But it's NOT FAIR!!!! She won't let me play or even bark at all the other dogs down the road!!!! Can you believe that?! She yelled at me when the two Corgis at 135 and I tried to have a decent conversation! We didn't even get past the introduction! (I caught the one's name, he was called Charleston Shoe, but I couldn't catch the girl's name.) It's very upsetting. And that Husky and I never get anywhere because Brianna doesn't stop to let me chat. She just drags me along saying "no!" It's a terrible pity because I think we could be great friends, but noooo!

Oh, and the big black dog at the end of the road is always outside and always tells me to get away from his property. When I go to retort, Brianna tells me not to. Does she expect me to just take that lying down?! I don't think so! But what really galls me the most (hmm, gall. Is that like ball? No, being galled means you're angry, but when you have a ball, you're happy. The English language is so strange) is that when I try to let all my would-be buddies know that I'm outside, she tells me not to! I want them to know I'm here, if they don't know I'm out there then how will we ever get acquainted? The whole thing is just very annoying. Does anyone have any tips on how to get away with barking? Because lately my people think I've been doing too much of it.

Not that I am, of course. Do they really expect me just to not say anything all day every day, I'd like to know! Sometimes I just feel like having a civilized discussion. It's a pity the only language my people speak is human. Dog is the only language with any sort of distinction. Each breed has it's own sort of dialect, and then of course there are regional differences, and every individual dog has it's own way of phrasing things (like how redheads say "eh" instead of "ee", as in "puppeh", or how Brianna puts "bob" or "obob" onto the ends of words, as in "buddybob" or "doggieobob"). But all and all, it's a very refined way of talking, and people just don't understand.

I must echo a question from one of those inane musicals my people love so much. "Why can't the English learn to speak?" Or maybe it should be "Why can't the English learn to bark?" Only I don't think we're English. I'm not sure. So let's just leave it at "Why can't the people learn to bark?"

Church.

What is Church? My people leave me in my box every week the morning after Saturday to go to church. Now, I know church is about God. I love God! I like to sit on my line and look at the trees and the birds and the squirrels and the sky and bark to thank God for it, because it's just the best and He's the best! He made me furry so I'd stay warm in the winter, and he invented evaporational cooling so I'd stay cool in the summer. (That's just a peopley way of explaining why I like hanging my tongue out when I'm hot.) He made the birds and squirrels and deer and even cats (though sometimes I wonder why He thought this world needed cats. Eeeelaina would say I'm being racist, but who needs cats?!) and He made all the dirt for me to dig in and the water to play in and He even made my people who they are! Oh, and He made the redheads and people friends who THEY are, too! Why shouldn't I love Him and be thankful? He's the best! He gave me everything I need and more. He loves me even more than I love Him, and that's crazy! I mean, He doesn't give me tummy rubs or anything, but I know He loves me, and that's funny, because usually I need people to give me tummy rubs to make sure they love me.

So if I love God, and if God loves me, why don't they let me come to church? That's the place you go when you love God, right? So why can't I go?! It's frustrating! All I know about church is that it smells like food and people and floors and metal (I smelled Brianna's slippers, which are furry and look like small animals on her feet and she wears them to Church.) And it's upsetting me that I can't go, too!

It's not fair, I love God as much as all those people who go to church! So why can't I go?! Besides, I want to do everything my people do. It saddens me that they won't bring me with them.

Oh dear. Oh dear.

OH DEER!!!! CAN I CHASE ONE NOW?!?!?! No?! Then why did you bring it up?! Oh wait... I brought it up. DEER!!!!! I LOVE DEER!!!!!!

Getting back to the point... Did I have a point? I haven't posted in so long I've forgotten how! Well, it's been very busy around here with these "holiday" things. I guess the most important thing to tell you is that I GOT A TON OF TREATS AND THERE HAVE BEEN KAYLEES AND REDHEADS AND EMERLEHS AND LEAHS RUNNING RAMPANT AND THE HOUSE GOT CLEANED AND THERE WAS A TREE (a tree??) SET UP IN THE LIVING ROOOM (we went out and tromped through mud and chopped it down and then they stuck it in the living room?) AND THERE WAS LOTS OF FOOD AND THAT FURRY JINGLY THING MOM GOT ME?! WELL IT WAS STUFFED WITH TREATS AND SQUEAKY THINGS!!!!!! I guess... Hmm. Well, I guess I'll just post some pictures! I love pictures!

Yes. She seriously put a bow on me. Thank goodness she forgot about the reindeer costume!!!

Nobody will admit to doing this.

So here's a rather late Merry Christmas to you! Oh, and a Happy New Year, too, whatever that means. All I know about the New Year is that that's when Emerleh and Eeeeelaina showed up and we went down to the dog park but it was really dark and there were no other dogs there and they started whooping and hollering "happy New Year". It really made no sense, even after thinking about for a couple days? Can anybody enlighten me?

MERREH CHRISTMAS!!! HAPPEH NEW YEAARR!!!!!

On the other hand...

There ARE downsides to having a forever family, I suppose. Brianna is threatening to put a bow on my collar. But that's not all! She's talking about dressing me up as a reindeer! Now, I didn't know what that was, but I googled it and I know I do NOT want to be dressed up as one!!!

On the other hand, they feed me and give me treats and I have comfy pillows and a warm, cozy box, and a line that I can stay out on and tromp through the flowerbeds and bark at things on. And they take me to the dog park and give me bacon cheese strips sometimes. And they take me for walks and play games with me. And they won't let me on the furniture, and they do yell at me a lot to get out of the garbage, but I guess the good things outweigh the bad parts.

But really. Seriously? A reindeer?! What is she THINKING?! I'm a DOG for heaven's sakes!!!

Whose am I?

Today Brianna mauled me (I've been meaning to write about that, hang on just a sec.... Ok.)

When Brianna mauls me, she picks me up around my chest and holds me up on my hind legs (just like I was jumping on someone, I don't get this! It's not ok for me to jump on her but it's ok for her to pick me up??) and hugs me and lets me lick her face. She also coos about what a perfect puppy I am and how wonderful and furry my face is. (Or something like that.)

Anyways, so today she was mauling me. (That's what Mom calls it.) And she was going "who's my puppeh, who's my puppeehhh??" and Mom said "I wonder if she knows whose dog she is." And Brianna said "your name is on the paperwork". and Mom said "but you wanted her!" and I said "but you picked her out!" (they have this argument all the time, or at least something to that effect.) Anyway, I'm getting off track. Mom wondered if I knew whose dog I am.

I do! I do know!!! I do, I do, I do!!! I'm the REDHEADS' DOG!!!!!!!

Good grief, I miss those redheads. Both of them. I haven't seen them in months. Not Rachel since August (and I especially like her because she smells like CATS!) and not Eeeeelaina since... October? IDK. It's just been too long and I miss the redheads. Leah came over a couple days ago and spent the night, though! I secretly really love Leah and Eeeeeelaina and Emerleh because they all smell like other dogs!!! (I wonder what happened to Sammy... I haven't heard from him in weeks! Last I knew, he couldn't get his person's tablet to work, so he couldn't post... I really miss him.) =( I haven't seen Sarah in forever, but I love her even more, because she smells like cats! (So does the pillow I sleep on. It smells like Sarah and cats.)

I do miss them. But I love my people. It makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside to think that I have a forever family. I have a home and people who love me. Mom even promised that she wouldn't ever take me back to the pound! And I'm so excited to spend my first Christmas with my forever family! <3

A thingy!

Mom and Brianna brought me home a thingy! I don't know what it is, but it looks furry and it makes a jingly noise and I KNOW it's mine because it looks a little like my rabbit but not really anything like it. In any case, they won't let me play with it, and I don't know why, because it's obviously mine!

Mom says it's something called a "stocking". But I don't know what that means? She says it will be filled with goodies and treats, but why won't she just give it to me?? It looks fun! I would post a picture, but Mom hid it somewhere in her bedroom, and I'm not allowed in there. =(

I think it has something to do with this Christmas thing. I've heard tell of something else unusual pertaining to this alleged holiday. (I have a great vocabulary for a puppy, don't I?) It's called Santa Claws and I don't get it. He supposedly gives toys and treats to good children and puppies on this day called Christmas. My people keep saying how silly it is that people believe in him because he isn't real. But if he isn't real then why do people talk about him?

On the other hand, he CAN'T be real. After all, why is he known for his claws? That doesn't seem very nice. They could have named him after his ears or tail or nose or even his paws, but his claws? How does that make sense? So I don't believe in him, whoever he may be.

Ahh yes, my rabbit.

It met a sad and tragic end -- my people say by me, but I say by them! It was in perfectly good shape (abet the head, which was nowhere to be found). And so my people had the cruelty to throw it out! This was all that remained.

A tragic picture, isn't it? The lack of wholeness in this picture echos the lack of wholeness in my heart.

My Christmas List!

Here is my Christmas list! It's kind of long... I am a very deprived puppy. And hey, Brianna put a diamond ring (or something like that) on her list, so why can't I put whatever I want on my list?

• Pink tennis balls! Green gets really boring.
• A big fluffy dog bed, like a really big one that's really fluffy. Not that I need another one...
• A RABBIT!!!
• A SQUIRREL!!!
• A DEER!!!
• A CAT!!!
• A BIRD!!!!!
• THE CHANCE TO RUN THROUGH THE WOOD FOREVER!!!!!!
• A buddy. Like, a four-legged furry one that barks and lives with me.
• A bright pink bandanna to match my bright pink collar. (well, Brianna wants to get me one of those, anyway.)
• FOOD. ALL THE FOOD. PEOPLE FOOD.
• Peanutbutter.
• Bacon cheese strips!!!
• A new stuffed rabbit. Mine met a disturbing end. I shall write about that later....
• A SQUEEEEEKY THING!!!!
• SQUEEKY TENNIS BALLS
• A redhead. To live with me. I miss them. =(
• A new leash! A pretty leash! A stylish leash!
• A sweater. (actually, I don't want one of those. My people are just threatening to buy me one for really cold days.)
• Rope toys! Preferably the preferable ones!
• License to jump on people.
• To be allowed to go through the garbage.
• Unlimited time at the dog park.
• Rawhide.
• To bark at things whenever I want. (My people are complaining I'm becoming too "barky". Stupid idea, barking is fun! Maybe I just get tired of not saying anything!)
• Those chewy bone thingies Mom bought me once. But only once. And they were really delicious.
• No more baths. Ever.
• Love. Lots and lots of love. <3

That's all I can think of right now! If I remember anything else, I shall add it. Now I'm off to go bark at nothing in particular.