#insecure

(Well, I did say I was going to start using hashtags...)

I'm feeling very insecure and heartbroken. Rory called me "dumber than a brick" last night. He never wants to play with me. I think he hates me. He always tells me to go away and never pets me. He makes jokes about Indian food and using a Pomeranian for footballs. (Never mind I think that'd be a great use for a Pomeranian... But it's the principle of the thing!) I think he hates me.

Maybe I am dumb. Maybe I really am. Maybe I'm stupid. Maybe nobody loves me. Maybe I'm just not worth it. Maybe it's all an act to make me think they love me. Maybe they really will take me back to the pound. Maybe I'm ugly. Maybe my nose is too long and my ears are too big. Maybe my fur is too rough and my feet are all wrong. Maybe I'm just a stupid, worthless dog. Maybe... I don't know. Maybe. Just maybe.

Who am I? Some nights I lie awake and wonder who I am. Ok. So I'm Carly. I don't remember who I was before, but I know I wasn't Carly. At the SPCA I was Carla and I don't remember what my name was at the other place. Who am I?? Am I a Husky or a Lab or both? Do I have Greyhound in me like Brianna thinks? Who were my parents? Why did I have bad owners before? Why do my people love me now? Do they really love me? Why am I afraid all the time? Why are there scary, mean people out there? Does anyone really love me?

Does Deuce like me? I don't think Captain does, he's been ignoring me lately. I think he likes Keera. :( But Deuce and I have been playing a lot lately. I really like him, but does he like me? If he doesn't like me, am I still worth anything? If he doesn't like me, will life go on?

Who am I? Why am I like this? Where did I come from?

Hashtags

What is the point of a hashtag? Why is a little box made of lines called a hashtag? Hash is delicious meat -- not that I've ever had it, but I've smelled it. Trust me, its delicious. And tags are the clinky things on my collar. So when you put them together, you should get my I.D. covered in delicious meat. But you get a funny symbol that is, according to Brianna, supposed to go with numbers. It goes in front of words and phrases that are all lowercase and smushed together?? Why??? What does it mean?!

Ok, so I just Googled it. I guess it's supposed to show how you feel and everything, fast. But its just weird...

People, hello! Get a life and start listening to dogs! If you listened to us brilliant canines, you wouldn't make up bizarre things that make no sense, like hashtags! You would make up more hash!!! And give us more tennis balls and peanut butter!!! And BACON CHEESE STRIPS. I haven't had a bacon cheese strip in over a week!!! I'm freaking out!!!! I want one so bad, they're sitting up on top of the fridge and I think they totally forgot about them!!!

So hashtags are dumb and I won't use them. Ever. Only dumb humans use hashtags. On the other hand, hash IS delicious. Maybe I'll start using hashtags. Just because I like the idea of hash. And my tags. Mmmmmmm yum.

I think I know what it's like to love.

Today was doggie daycare! And after sitting here thinking for a long time, I figured something out. So here's what I figured out. 

I love being in the center of the pack. I love being the alpha dog. I love leading. I love it. I love running with other dogs. I love being a dog. I love being a popular dog. I love getting walks. I love it. Did I mention that I love loving things??

I love being loved. I love it when Brianna scratches my ears and gives me tummy rubs. I love it when Mom and Dad scratch my ears and give me tummy rubs. I love my tennis balls and I love it when people throw them. I love playing tug-of-war. I love it when I get bacon cheese strips. And peanutbutter. And cheese. And even just milkbones. And I love chewing rawhide and I love chewing my bones and I just love chewing.

I love chasing bugs. I love chasing rabbits. I love chasing cars. I love chasing tennis balls. I love chasing Brianna. I love chasing frogs and toads. I love chasing my tail. 

I love doggie day care. I love the park. I love playing in the park and playing at doggie day care. I love playing with dog friends. I love people friends. I love playing with people friends, like Eeeelaina and Sarah and Emerleh and Rachel. (I love redheads, too, actually. I just think they're weird.) I love coming home from a long day of playing with friends and always having Brianna and Mom and Dad to pet me and love me.

I love it when I get people food in my kibble. I love it when my people play with me. I love it when they tell me they love me and that I'm a silly dog. I love it when they take out my tennis balls and ropes and play with me. I love it when they give me a rawhide or a bone or even an ice cube. I love having people who love me. I love having a home. I love being loved. 

I love knowing that if I ever run away into the woods again, they'll still be there, calling my name. I love knowing that even if they give me baths they still love me. I love being their dog. I love them being my people. I love it when they take me for walks. I love it when Mom and Brianna come into doggie daycare to pick me up and I'm just soooo happy to see them!!! I love how my people never forget me.

I love how I don't need Captain or Deuce to make me happy. I love how I can be single. I love how I can be independent and I don't need to live for anyone else. I love being single. Relationships are often disastrous.

I love wogging. I love emailing with Sammy. I love checking my wog and seeing if anyone has read it. I love writing new posts, even though typing with paws is really hard.

I love being happy. I love being a dog.

I'M BAAAACK!!!!!

It's Carly again! No, I didn't leave! I missed posting, yesterday, though. But I'm really excited to have Sammy help me write my blog sometimes!!! I love having doggie friends!!! And Sammy is so sweet. :)

Yesterday I went to the vet. If dogs could facepalm, I would be doing it right now. She stuck needles into me!!! It was awful!!! The treats they give there are ok, I guess. Not the best, but pretty good. They're nice to me, they pet me and let me lick them and nibble them. I STILL don't like the vet.

I went to the dog park today!!! I made friends with two white German Shepards and a spotted dog named Dora and a bunch of other dogs. And I tried to chase a butterfly! I love chasing those! This one was big and orange and black and flying just above my head. I wanted it. I mean, I wanted it. I  mean, I REALLY WANTED it!!!! The ones at home that fly around the door are all like gray and white. THIS one was ORANGE and it was BIG!!!! I chased it around and around and all the other people there were laughing at me and saying how cute I was. I didn't catch it. But it was amazing!!! :P (That's me, panting after Brianna hooked me onto my leash and forced me back to the car.) ^_^

And then when we got home, Dad played tug of war with me with a new rope!!! They got me a new rope!!! (He threw away the pink one that I shredded last week.) I have a new rope!!! I love it!!! It's so... ropey!!!

That's all for now! I'm really exhausted. Goodnight! :)

P.S. Sammy, I'd be very glad to sign your petition to have all cats covered in bacon and cheese... But only the annoying ones. There are nice cats in this world... Somewhere... I guess... I mean, I've never met any, but... So, yes, I would like to help you with that. :)

HIHIHIHIHEEEYY!!!!!!!

HI! HI HI HI HI HI HEY HI THERE HELLO! HI!!!
I'M SO HAPPY TO MEET YOU! Can I lick your face? Too soon? OK...
My name is Sammy, AND I'M SO HAPPY TO MEET YOU! I WISH I COULD JUST MEET PEOPLE ALL THE TIME! IT'S JUST SUCH A GREAT FEELING!

Oh my gosh... was that a squirrel?  HEY YOU SQUIRREL!

Oh, who are you? HI! HELLO HEYA- oh wait, we already did this!
Layna says I'm ADD, but I don't know what that is... it seems a tad extreme.

I love Layna, I love her the most right now. see, she gives me dry dog food ALL the time, and the other dog who lives in our house ALWAYS gets the yummy wet stuff... it smells so good... Layna never lets me taste Pippin's (the other dog) yummy food. All I want is a taste!
but today she gave a WHOLE CAN! After she said something to her mother about "running outa Sammy's food," but it was ALL MINE! She's the best person EVER!
But she is continuously trying to steal my new toy! And she laughs when I try to pull it out of her hands, (I usually win though,) I've had to start sleeping with it in my mouth. I'm worried if I don't, she'll take it away for good! I love it so much, it smells like dirty laundry, and Layna.

I love Layna, she's the best person EVER!

I hope she doesn't mind I'm using her account to write this blog, she wont. I really DIDN'T mean to change the name to Sammy, buuuuttt........ I don't think she'll mind, she says I'm her most favorite dog in the world! I got the idea to blog when I started reading this other dog's blog, her name is Carly. She's so smart and thoughtful... So I emailed her, and told her how inspiring she is, she said she was flattered! so I told her of my dreams of being a "wogger" myself, but i didn't quite know where to begin. So she invited me to write a post on her blog some times! SHE'S JUST SO COOL!
I wonder if she chases cats, and if she will sign my petition to have all cats covered in bacon and melted cheddar cheese slices that fell in the dirt. Mmmmmmmmm...... i get this tingly feeling just thinking about it....
It's funny how she talks about Brianna's red head friends, Layna's a red head...

I met a new friend!!!

I got this great email from this dog named Sammy who loves my blog and so I said he could help me write it sometimes!!! I'm excited, I made a new friend!!!!

He's owned by a redhead... I wonder what that says about his personality. Personally, I decide if people are weird or not by what color their hair is. It works very well, very accurate. Like the friend Brianna has over right now, Eeeelaina. She calls me Carls!!! Why?! Anyways, she's fun. She lets me lick her face. I like people that let me lick their face. Brianna won't let me lick her face. I don't know why, I love her. :(

Like just a few minutes ago, I got in trouble for chewing and jumping on them. I don't get it, I do it cause I love them!!! (And they taste better than my Nylabone.) But they don't like it!!! It's bewildering.

Oh, oh, oh, I just remembered! I look dashing in a bandanna. I mean, I hate wearing them, but I look dashing in it. Simply smashingly dashing. You will agree. Look at this picture and you will simply just be unable to argue with me about how gorgeous I am in a bandanna. I'm not sure if red is my color, though. I'm sorry about the blurry tail, I'm very enthusiastic about being adored.

WHEEEE!!!!!

Today totally made up for yesterday!!! We all went to the dog park!!!! I ran around and played with the other dogs for like, an hour. It was SOOOOOOOOO much fun!!!!!!! It was just like doggie daycare!!!! And we ran and ran and ran all over it was sooo fuunnnn!!!! There were even tennis balls!!!!

Then Dad decided I was dirty....... *growl* So they gave me a bath!!! It was awful, I was just starting to get right again!!!! I was pleasantly rumpled. Not too muddy, just enough. It was the perfect amount. And then they went and ruined it!!! But then Brianna got out this new toy that's like a  green rubber bone with a rope and it's perfect to play tug of war with and we played and played and it was really fun!!! I'll post a picture later. So I guess the day was worth it.

This is me with my doggie buddies!

Bored. Bored. Bored.

Today was so boring!!! All I did was sleep. I mean, I was worried, but bored. Brianna sprained her wrist last night while sliding around and Rory's shoulder was hurt. I sat in the back of the car with the windows open waiting for them to come out... And I slept.

Why are people so slow?! Why do I always have to wait for them to do anything?!

I'm very confused.

Well, today Mom and her friend Lisa took me for a walk outside this big place... I don't know what it was! It was really really weird! Mom and Lisa and some other people (there was another dog, too!) sat on these weird benches outside this big open space that would have been perfect to chase things in, only it was all glassed in. And we watched Brianna and one of her brunette friends, Lisa's daughter Sarah, (she's really nice and kinda weird, but much less so then Brianna, because Brianna has red highlights) go around in circles with all these other people I didn't know. Only... They weren't walking!!! It was so weird, they were wearing these weird shoes with round things on the bottoms and sliding all over the place. They weren't moving, only pushing their feet out and sliding, the shoes moved them all by itself!!! It was scary!!! I barked and barked so they took me out and walked me. We found a dog park!!! Mom didn't know about it, she was surprised. I didn't get to go in, but there were a lot of little dogs in there and they barked at me and I wanted to play!!! =(

And then... Well, Mom gave me some water and then some dinner and left it in my crate in a cheap red plastic bowl. I ate the food. And I was still hungry. So I decided to eat the bowl. It was quite delicious. And it was beautifully hole-filled when I was done with it. Like, almost the whole bottom was disconnected from the top, which was beautifully punctured. It was gorgeous. I was so proud of myself. But then Brianna and Mom got me out and found the bowl and yelled at me. And then they took it away and threw it out and didn't even take a picture so I could post it on my wog!!! I was so sad, I loved my bowl. It was just beautiful modern art. =/

Today was really fun!!!!!

He loves me, he loves me not...?

Today was SOOO fun!!! I went to doggie daycare!!! I played with Captain and another dog named Deuce... And now I'm beginning to wonder about how I feel... I mean, Captain's cute, but Deuce is really... IDK, fun, I guess. He and I like playing a lot together. Captain's way cuter, he's dark and fluffy, but Deuce has a more beterer personality, I guess. He's sort of light and speckled with spots. I'm just torn. I can't decide who I like better! I mean, they're both crazy about me. I'm totally worrying about this. Which should I pick?!

Then again, maybe it's not worth it. Maybe I don't need another dog to make me happy. Maybe being single is best. Besides, I'm not sure Mom would approve if I got a boyfriend. It's so confusing!!! I want to be loved. Not a family kind of love. I want a dog to love me. I've never had that before. Sure, they've liked me and played with me before, but never loved me. And my people say I'm a wonderful dog and I know they love me, but does that count? They're humans, do their opinions count? Or am I only really loved and worth it if a dog loves me? Because another dog has never loved me.

I'm sad.

Last night I got laughed at because I was chasing my tail... Supposedly it was hilarious. I did not think so. It was not hilarious, I was upset. I kept seeing it move and I wanted it to stop but it wouldn't stop!! And even when I caught it it still moved and then it kept getting away and I was sliding around in circles on the kitchen floor trying to catch it. I was very perturbed. That was when Dad decided it would be a good idea to throw my tennis balls.

Today I was very bored. I slept all morning because I like sleeping in the morning. Brianna played with me and took me for a walk. Then she and Mom decided to read a book. They put out a rug for me on the living room floor but I didn't feel like sitting, so I wandered around the house and they got upset at me and put me in my crate so they could read their book. I felt sad. Maybe they don't love me as much as they love their book. I mean, they did smear peanut butter on my bone and gave it to me in my box, but maybe they don't like me. What if they take me back to the pound? Mom threatens sometimes, but would she really?? I'm scared.

I want to go chase a rabbit.

Why?

Why do people think I'm stupid? Why do they talk to me like I'm dumb? Never mind, I love it when they talk to me like that, but why do they do it?!

Like when I'm just lying on the floor and Brianna looks over and goes "WOOF WOOF WOOF!" She sounds so stupid when she does it. When I bark, I do not sound stupid. She just does not have that charm of a canine. She's a person. She simply has no class. Dad sounds even dumber when he does it.

And then there's the nickname thing again. I know they do it because they love me, but seriously?! My name is not Carlykins or Carlybob. Or El Doggo. Or Snurf-dog. Or any of the other dumb things they call me. My name is Carly! They've even started calling me Wigglebutt! That's just outrageous!!! I cannot BELIEVE these people!!! Bonquiqui was bad enough, but Wigglebutt?! Can I trade them in on some bacon cheese strips??

Speaking of bacon cheese strips, I love them. Like, I LOVE them. Forget Klondike bars, I'd do anything for a bacon cheese strip! Even roll over on my back and wave my legs around in the air until they tell me to roll all the way over and then I do it or else they won't give me the bacon cheese strip. It's really annoying. I find it very degrading to be told to roll over in circles, even for a bacon cheese strip. Like, I love bacon cheese strips so much I WOULD roll over for them, but seriously, WHY do I need to roll over for them?? Why can't they just give me a bacon cheese strip because they love me?? I'm so confused. Do they really love me if I have to work just to get a quarter of a bacon cheese strip? Is it really worth it? Or should I sacrifice the bacon cheese strips and stand up for my rights? It's so complicated. I just don't know. Anybody got any suggestions?

More about blogs.

You know how before I said it would be a good idea to change "blog" to "wog"? Well, I decided that's an even better idea than I thought at first. You know why?

Wog sounds like wag!

Things that make me happy make me wag my tail. Things that make me happy make me write my blog. It makes sense!

I really do wag my tail, by the way. My people claim I wag my whole butt, but that is not true. I don't wag my butt, I wag my tail and it just sort of... carries down! (I wish they'd stop calling me Wigglebutt. That's how Brianna greeted me this morning. She was upset when I came in and jumped on her bed and stuck my nose in her face. And then when I got off her bed, she was upset when I started barking at her because I wanted to play. Actually, I wanted my morning dose of cheese.) So, all and all, it should be called a wog.

Better yet, what if it wasn't a web-log, what if it was a wag-log? Like a log of all the times I wagged my tail? Oh wait, never mind, I'd be posting about two million times a day. So nix that idea. But naming it wog would still be a good idea. In fact... It is a good idea! I think I'll call my blog a wog!

I'm kinda bored right now. I think I'll go bark until I get a bacon cheese strip.

Oh boy oh boy oh boy!

Today was SO MUCH FUN!!! I slept all morning, and then we all went out and had FUN!!!! Mom and Dad and Brianna and Jared and I all got in the car and drove and drove. They went to go pick apples, I went because I love exciting things like doing exciting things. And it was exciting! I made a new friend! Her name was Archie and she was a pit bull and we had lots of fun playing together! I also met a big fluffy white thing named Misty who I wanted to be friends with, but she growled at me and wasn't too friendly. She was a snob. But I tried, I really did! And there were two noxious dachshunds named Basil and Pippin who thought they could scare me by yapping loudly at me. I wasn't scared, just annoyed. They thought they were sooooo amazing, it was disgusting. I am obviously the most amazing dog on the planet. And the most beautiful. And the most humble.

So Mom ran me around the orchard while I sniffed everything and Dad and Brianna picked apples. It was amazing. Sooo much fun!

Then after dinner Brianna walked me almost two miles to aid our digestion. (Actually, it was because I was bored and needed a walk.) Some dogs barked at me when we walked by but I was very good and only growled a little and barked twice. I love walking at night with Brianna. It's even better when her friends come along and I get to hear all their secrets. ;) But no, really. Something about night, all the smells sort of get more smelly and wonderful. And there are lots of toads and frogs in the grass by the side of the road. I'm a fierce killer huntress so I try to catch them but Brianna gets mad at me for nearly jerking the leash out of her hand. She doesn't stay mad long, though. What can I say, I'm a fierce killer huntress who charms people.

Brianna is crazy, seriously.

Seriously. She's crazy. She has this little box she carries around all the time. Well, ok, so its not really a box, but that's about as close a term I can think of. Its flat and long. It plays music. And she stands there holding it and says "Carly! Look at me!" And it makes a clicking noise when I do.

But the weirdest part is lately... I'm not sure what! She did something to it! And now it will sit on the table it or she'll hold it and tap it and it will make noises! But not just any noises, it barks! And meows and squeaks and cries and whistles and barks again! Its driving me crazy!!! I don't get it!!! What is it?! Is Brianna keeping dogs in her little flat box?? Do I need to rescue them? And how does my squeaky toy fit in there? What is going on?!

Actually, I'm really depressed. My squeaky toy is no more. Mom threw it out today because I poked a hole in it and was chomping it. I'm so sad, I LOVE my squeaky toy. Maybe they'll buy me another one. :(

Other than that, today was really fun! Mom and Dad took me to the park and I chased seagulls. The only problem was that... Well, they were forty feet above my head. That made them hard to catch. I also played fetch in the backyard with Brianna and tried to get at the birds at the bird feeder through the kitchen window. I just hate it that I can never catch them!!!

I hate to say it, but lately we've been having communication problems. I just don't understand! They yell at me and clap their hands and bop my nose when I jump up on the windowsill! I don't get it, what did I do wrong?! I'm trying to watch the birds is all, well, actually, catch them. The big ones upset me, I don't like to see them swooping around outside where I can't get to them. It just drives me crazy. So I jump up to get a better view. But then I get in trouble.

I don't know why! I'm not doing anything wrong, am I? I wish they understood me. But I can't talk!

Anyway, I suppose it's a small price to pay for having people who love me and give me bacon-cheese flavored strips for rolling around in circles. I don't get that, either, but I'll expand on it later...

This is me. And my squeaky toy. Before Mom killed it. Brianna is dangling it above my head so she can get a good picture, which I don't understand. Anyway, you should appreciate me posting a picture because it's very hard to use the touch screen on Brianna's little box to email the picture to myself. I just can't figure it out, what is it?! I know it takes pictures when it clicks, but why do music and other dogs come out of it?? I'm so confused. (By the way, that's one of my favorite tennis balls on top of my rug. Brianna calls it Howard. The other one that's not in the picture is Oscar.)

Ahh, the things that happen during mid-afternoon Friday naps.

I'm running, running, running through the woods. The rabbit, it's right there, right in front of me. I'm almost on it, almost there, almost, almost, almost... It stops, I pounce, it's gone! It's gone! I let it get away! NOOOOO!!!!

But there's Captain, right beside me! He's here! He's going to help me chase the rabbit! Or... Something.

He leans over and licks my face. "I missed you," he murmurs in my ear.

"I missed you, too," I sigh.

"Let's go," he says. And we run off through the woods. Suddenly, a squirrel!

Captain lets out a war howl and we're off! Gaining, gaining, gaining on it. Over bushes, rocks, mud puddles. Almost on top of it. Captain leaps around and corners it.

"All yours," he says, smiling. Such a gentledog...

I grab the squirrel in my teeth and head back for home. I hear them calling for me. "Carly! Caarr-leeeee!!! Where are you? Come baaaaackk!!!"

Sudden laughter wakes me up. "You are such a silly dog! Your feet are moving!" Mom and Brianna are laughing hysterically. "Your feet are up in the air and you're trying to run!"

"Come on," Mom says, smiling, to Brianna. "You need to take El Doggo for a walk."

I sit upright, blinking at them. Once I'm out in the yard I stand still and sniffed the air. If only dreams came true.

Mmmmm.

Today I went to doggie daycare. It was really fun. I played with this really sweet Labradoodle. His name was Captain. I'd never played with him before, but he was really fun! He was really cute and furry... I don't know... He was just really nice........ I think maybe I like him. :)

When I got home I was reeaallly tired. Like, I still am. Doggie daycare wears me out. (It's like, the only thing that wears me out.) Brianna brushed me because I was kinda dirty (thank goodness she didn't bathe me!!!) and then I got ready to pass out. But Mom got me a treat! She went to get her farm share today and while she was there she got me a fresh, organic dog bone! Like, taken from a cow and frozen! And it sat in the refrigerator all day while I was gone and then I came home and they gave it to me and I've spent the last three hours chewing it to death. It's delicious. I adore it. I hope I get another one next week.

I love Thursdays. I just love Thursdays.

Yesterday was almost really fun.

It was kind of boring at first. I got to play with Mom and Brianna and then they had to go someplace so I had to stay in my crate for awhile. Then they got back and I chewed a rawhide. It was delicious. Then Dad got home. He went outside with my tennis balls and played with me, then he took the tennis balls away because I was burying one in my favorite hole. Then they were upset because I was covered in mud. It's been raining on and off for a week. So they decided it would be a good idea to hose me off.

I HATE water. I HATE it. I just hate it. For real.

I don't know how it happened. I guess when Dad put me on my leash, he accidentally clipped the wrong ring. There's a ring on the collar that has another little ring hooked to it. The little one has my tags and my leash goes on the big one. I saw Brianna with the hose and I didn't want what I knew was coming. She started spraying my legs, which were covered in mud. So I jumped away. When I did that, it broke. My tags went flying. I started running. It was a few seconds before I realized what was wrong. Wait a minute... I'm not on my leash!!!

So I dashed off into the woods to chase rabbits. I had a jolly good time. I almost forgot about my people. But not quite. In the back of my mind I heard them calling my name and I knew I was in trouble now.

I ran around in the woods for like, an hour. It was the most fun I've had in a long time -- at least, then it was fun. I kept hearing Dad and Brianna calling my name. Brianna didn't sound right, either. I started getting a little worried.

I was all the way over in the neighbor's woods at this point. I saw them standing in the lawn, talking to the guy who lives next door. I felt a little bad. After the neighbor walked away, they started coming towards the woods. I popped out of the trees. I saw Brianna holding my favorite toss toy, the blue and green and yellow rope with the green rubber ball on it. She bent down and called "come here, Carly! I have your toy!!!" I wondered if she was still mad at me. Why else would she be spraying me with water if she wasn't mad at me? I almost didn't go. But she didn't have a hose with her or a bucket or anything. So I bounded forward to get to the toy. I dashed by her to Dad and then back to her. I stuck my nose against her legs. She'd been crying. She clipped my collar on. That was the end of my freedom. But I felt very bad about it. Were they still mad at me?

A little, I guess. I was covered in mud, they claim. I wasn't covered in mud, I was just de-vanilla-oatmealifying myself. So they took me inside and put me in the bathtub and scrubbed me down. They shampooed me at least three times. I watched the brown water run down the drain and wondered miserably why they were making me yucky again. At this rate, I'll NEVER be able to smell natural!!! Even worse, Dad claims they didn't actually get all the dirt out of me.

Then they dried me off and I had to go in my crate while they ate dinner. They were still kind of mad at me, I think. But after dinner they played with me and actually brushed my teeth. At first, I was a little mad. But the toothpaste is poultry flavored and actually really good.

And then I... Well, it's embarrassing. I had an accident on the den floor. They were all mad at me all over again. Then Brianna went to take me outside and I didn't want to sit to put the leash on. Even Dad lost it. He yelled at me until I sat.

I was very sad. I still am. I had an early bedtime. I'm afraid my people don't love me anymore. Today I'm just very sad. I think my people don't love me anymore.

Thoughts on my name and Brianna's bizarre friends.

Why? Just why?!

Brianna has a bunch of psycho friends. The weird ones are brunettes. The really weird ones are redheads. The half-blondes are on the verge of being normal. (Brianna is a brunette with red highlights, which says a lot when you consider the above statement.)

One day they were naming zits. (I don't get it. I don't get zits, but whatever.) The super-weird redhead told her younger almost-as-weird redheaded sister that she should name her zits Shiniqua and Bonquiqui. Now Brianna is saying they should have named me Bonquiqui. And she's been CALLING me Bonquiqui. I don't answer to it. Mom calls me Snurf-dog. And they've just started calling me El Doggo. Yesterday the younger-psycho redhead came over. She kept calling me Carls.

I do not get these people! My name is Carly! I am not Bonquiqui or Snurf-dog or El Doggo or even Carlybob. Please, get a life, people! Why do they think that just because I'm a dog they can come up with all sorts of weird names for me?! If I could talk (gee, I wish I could) and if I started calling Brianna Pootykins, I think she might not be too happy with me. How does she think I feel, calling me El Doggo and Bonquiqui?! People don't go around calling other people weird names! (Unless of course you are one of Brianna's group of weird friends... They call each other George and Bob. Actually, they add the suffix "obob" onto almost everything they say. It's so weirdobob. They also have weird nicknames for each other, like Duncan and Jody. The half-blonde with braces is Glimmer Grin. Brianna is Can O'Pepper because of her braces and her addiction to the stuff. Give me a break, people. We're given names at birth for a reason.)

I JUST DON'T GET PEOPLE!!!!!! Can't they just think like dogs?! It would actually make sense then!!!

UGGG!

They gave me ANOTHER bath!!! They claimed I still smelled "bad", so they took me into the bathroom and Dad sprayed me down and Brianna shampooed. It was awful.

Maybe it would have been better, but after that they took all my rope toys and my rug that I lay on most of the day and the blanket in my crate and my collar and my leash and WASHED them! They were just starting to smell right, after last week when they washed them!!! Not just that, they scrubbed my crate down!!! Nothing is right now!!!

And I don't like smelling like vanilla oatmeal. That is just not the same as all-natural dog smell. I just don't get why they don't like dog smell! Dog smell is organic and delightful. It's MUCH better than that gross "coco-butter kiss" stuff Brianna occasionally sprays on herself. It smells like chemicals and fake flowers. Dog, on the other hand, smells like the great outdoors. Dirt. Beautiful. Just beautiful.

Do yourself a favor. Don't bathe your dog. It just creates unnecessary conflict and evil smells. And DON'T wash their bedding. That's just wrong. To have a happy dog, you must throw all pretenses of cleanliness out the window. We can take care of it ourselves.

I feel sorry for people.

They have such short noses. How do they smell anything?! I suppose they must smell something because they often comment that I smell "doggie" and I need a bath. But that's just how twisted their smell is! I don't smell "doggie", I smell like me! Which is a beautiful scent, by the way. Dogs don't need showers and whatnot like people do. Dogs are much cleaner than people. People get dirty doing all sorts of things. Dogs get dirty in dirt and then they sit down and lick themselves. That is cleanliness, if you ask me. People aren't actually smart enough to lick themselves.

Which brings me to another point... Why do people stand in the bathroom several minutes a day with a plastic stick, rubbing it around in their mouth? It's to get their teeth clean. And the rest of their mouth. But that's unnecessary! And now Brianna and Mom are talking about how I need toothbrushing.

WHAT?! No way!!! I chew rawhides, that's how I clean my teeth. Dogs do not need things stuck in their mouth. Somebody rescue me, please! These people want to keep me clean!

In fact, yesterday Brianna gave me a bath. I HATE BATHS. I HATE baths!!! Brianna put my walking collar on me (which is torture in itself, she claims I look like a ninja dog, but that doesn't make it any better) and when she took me outside and I saw the kiddie pool, I sat on the ground and wouldn't move. She actually picked me up. Can you believe that?! She picked up all 42 pounds of me and put me in the water!!! And then she squirted shampoo on me and rubbed it in. That wasn't so bad. But then she got the bucket and started pouring water over me! At that, I jumped out of the kiddie pool. I made her chase me around the yard trying to pour water on me. Of course, since I was on a leash, it didn't work very well. And I still got wet. I was not happy. And she got mad at me when I rolled around in the yard! I was trying to get the walking collar off, but also to get dry. She dragged me up and told me I couldn't do it.

I think she probably hates me. I mean, she gave me a tummy-rub after that, but I think she's still mad at me. I'm sort of still mad at her. I love my people, but only to an extent...

You know what "blog" sounds like?

"Blog" sounds sort of like "blah dog". I think it's not a very nice name for the blogging canines out there. I mean, if you told that to Google or whatever and asked them to change Blogger to Web-Logger (which is what it should be, considering that a blog was originally a web-log), they wouldn't listen. Even if you got a petition of dogs to sign it, they still wouldn't listen. That's the thing. Dogs aren't considered smart enough to have a say in the world. Which, if you ask me, just isn't very fair. We're just like people, only with four legs. And furry and cuter and... Well, dogs. But dogs are just as good as people!

I mean, they could even change it to "wog", which sounds more like web-log than blog. Guaranteed, it sounds like something that could possibly offend a frog. But frogs are dumb. I have never heard of a frog, or even a toad, who kept a journal, much less blogged. So if they changed blog to wog they could save lots of dog clientele. I believe that maybe the reason there are so few dog bloggers is that they're all offended. Also that they're not smart enough to write a blog. And their owners probably stop before they type their password in in front of the dog. Puppies look innocent, but so do hackers.

On the other hand... Maybe I don't want other dogs to start blogging. It's nice to be unique. And if other dogs started, one of my people would probably find my blog. I don't want them to find it, because then they might make me stop... Being a dog who writes is very fun.

In any case, the frogs aren't even worth considering. The reason there are no blogs written by frogs is because frogs are too dumb to write blogs. Also it might be hard to type when you're that small. The only things frogs are good for is chasing and eating. Take it from someone who knows.

Why are people so weird?

Why are people so weird? Why are dogs the only normal creatures on earth? Ok, so humans can be very nice. But I tell you, they. are. weird!

Like I'm still trying to figure this one out. Why do humans talk to each other in very normal voices about very common things? They're just like "oh, did you put the groceries away? Where's the dog?" and then the other person answers "yeah, most of them. She's right behind you."

And then the first person turns around and weirdness happens. All of a sudden they're like "oohhh such a silly doggie! You snuck up behind me! You're such a sneaky doggit! Where's your ball? Oh, you have your bone! No, Carly, no. This the refrigerator. It's for people, not doggies!"

Well, duh. Of course I know that's a refrigerator. Everyone knows that. And of course I know it's for people. Why on earth would I be interested in it if it were for dogs?! This entire paragraph is just very offensive. A lot of it's the stupid voice it's said in, you know, that really baby-talkish voice that people use on dogs. But probably the most offensive thing about it is that people automatically assume that dogs are dumb! I am smarter than most people, why do you think I'm so stupid?!

And I am not a doggit. That's too much like muppet.

I LOVE Thursdays!

Today was amazing! I went to doggie daycare!!! My people send me to doggie daycare every Thursday while they're busy and I LOVE it there! I get to play with my doggie friends all day long!!!

Today it was raining really hard when Mom and Dad dropped me off. It was kind of muddy, too. By the end of the day, I was the second dirtiest dog there! (They hosed me off, though.) It was so much fun! My paws always hurt by the end, though. I got extra nap time, though. It was an amazing day. I love my buddies. I mean, I did miss my people, but it was ok, 'cause I knew they were coming back. And then they came in the door to pick me up and it was just like "MY PEOPLE!!!" I even barked and got scolded. I was just so happy to see them. I hadn't seen Brianna all day and I missed her.

I just LOVE Thursdays.

Tennis Balls

I love tennis balls. I mean, I LOVE tennis balls. Like, they're my most favorite toy. Ever. As in, I chase them. Every day. I catch them. Every day. I have two of them. They are green and sort of fuzzy. They have lint on them. They get stuck under the dishwasher sometimes and then I freak out until Brianna gets the broom and rescues them.

There are exactly two ways to correctly play with tennis balls. The first way is to have your person bounce one and then leap in the air and catch it before it hits the ground a second time. The second way is to have your person roll/toss it down the hallway and run after it. Once you catch it, you dance around proudly for a little while, but don't give it back to your person! That is the worst idea ever, because if you give it back to your person, they might put it away! Instead you stand there looking at them with it in your mouth and then they'll probably tell you how silly you look. But then they hold up the other tennis ball for you. You have to drop the first one or they won't throw the next one. But if you come back with the other one and drop it, they'll give you back the first one.

The trick is to fool them. After awhile of this, they might drop their guard and throw the second one while you still have the first one in your mouth. This is your chance! Now all you have to do is get the second one in your mouth. Because, after all, why have only one ball in your mouth when you could have two? I'm convinced my mouth is large enough for both of them if I could only just get the second one in...

So after you have both balls in your possession, what you do is try to catch the other one. This is accomplished by batting the other one around, trying to hold it down. Get it in a corner. Ignore your people laughing at you. I know, it's very offensive being told you look like a cat. Just ignore them and find a way to get both of them in your mouth. I'll let you know if I find a technique that works. I haven't, yet.

Welcome to my doggie bloggie!

Hi, my name's Carly and I'm a dog! A genuine mutt to be exact. (I might have Lab in me, maybe Husky or Greyhound.) Everyone says I'm very smart and I don't mean to brag, but I think I am a rather exceptional dog. I mean, how many dogs are there out there that like blogging?! Not too many, I'd guess.

Anyways, yes. I'm a dog. I live a doggie life, watching birds, rabbits and squirrels and chasing tennis balls. This is my new blog. In it I will blog about watching birds, rabbits and squirrels. And tennis balls. Also walks. And sleep. And you will read every word because you love me, right? Right! You must love me because I love you! That's settled then, we love each other! So read my blog, because you read the blogs of people you love.